Hello Kitty Colon

If you just read the title of this post, you probably had your heart skip a beat. While it’s not quite that bad and is safe for work, it’s still definitely Hello Kitty Hellish. Not that Hello Kitty really needs anything to go with the Hello Kitty guts, but since the Japanese like to brand their snacks with names that probably wouldn’t sell well in the US, you have things like Hello Kitty Collon:

Hello Kitty Collon

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Hello Kitty Shotaro Kaneda Tattoo Akira Manga Anime

In a continuing sign that all is not right in the world, people still believe for some unfathomable reason that it’s a good idea to combine Hello Kitty and other anime characters into tattoos — which only produces Hello Kitty Hellish results. There isn’t much more you can say about something like the Hello Kitty Shotaro Kaneda tattoo:

Hello Kitty Shotaro Kaneda tattoo

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Hello Kitty Japanese Goodwill Tourism Ambassador

I should have known that Hello Kitty Hell would not let me off that easily. After receiving over 20 emails yesterday about this I thought I could avoid the entire thing by placing a small blurb at the end of a post saying that I was aware and that everyone that visits here can stop sending me emails about it. Of course, in a non Hello Kitty Hell world that would mean that people would stop sending me emails about this and the entire horrific episode could be quickly forgotten as I pretended it never happened — but since I do live in hello Kitty Hell, it instead opened the floodgates and I can now assume that every person that has ever seen this blog has informed me of this news – Hello Kitty has been given an official title and made “goodwill tourism ambassador” of Japan to China and Hong Kong:

Hello Kitty tourism ambassador

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Hello Kitty Balzac Japanese Horror Punk Rock Band

If you had any doubt that no place was safe from the claws of Hello Kitty, that doubt may now be put to rest. Hello Kitty has managed to wriggle her way into a lot of places she isn’t wanted, but I figured there were a few places that would never take to her – like, perhaps, horror punk rock bands. But alas, I have once again underestimated the power that the evil feline possesses:

Hello Kitty Balzac

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Hello Kitty Toilet Sign

What is it about Hello Kitty and toilets? She has a whole line of Hello Kitty toilet paper and while it really didn’t surprise me that there was a Hello Kitty toilet, the Hello Kitty urinal target and Hello Kitty electronic toilet paper dispenser simply confirmed that the evil feline likes her face everywhere. Then, of course, there is our disaster of a bathroom. So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that there are also Hello Kitty (and Dear Daniel) toilet signs:

Hello Kitty toilet sign

Dear Daniel toilet sign Japanese

Dear Daniel toilet sign western

As a man, the Hello Kittification of my bodily functions is extremely disturbing. No matter what remedies Hello Kitty tries, it’s never going to be “cute” and there’s really no reason to pretend it ever could be. Of course, my wife doesn’t believe that for a second (but then the Japanese have buttons on their toilets that make a flushing noise so that you can’t hear bodily functions as well – it won’t surprise me if the Hello Kitty theme song replaces these flushing noises someday).

It’s bad enough (and obviously a sign that there’s something terribly wrong in the world) when a man can’t sit down to take a dump without Hello Kitty all around, but now we actually have Hello Kitty telling us where to do so…which pretty much sums up Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by deniz and brightspring, both of who should have to live with Hello Kitty bathrooms as bad as mine for the rest of their lives for even considering it would be a good idea to send me these photos…