One mans hell with cute overload
Most people, when they hear the concept of men fashion combined with Hello Kitty, have to try hard not to fall into a fit of hysterical laughter at the pure absurdity of it all. That doesn’t dissuade the evil feline and her cohorts at Sanrio from trying to convince the world that Hello Kitty and men belong together. Take this photo for example:
You have the Hello Kitty face mask, the Hello Kitty Mexican wrestling mask and even the Hello Kitty welding helmet mask to scare the Hello Kitty Hell out of you, but the evil feline doesn’t like to stop when she is on a roll. That is the only conceivable reason that the people at Sanrio would think that the Hello Kitty eye mask could be a good idea:
If you just read the title of this post, you probably had your heart skip a beat. While it’s not quite that bad and is safe for work, it’s still definitely Hello Kitty Hellish. Not that Hello Kitty really needs anything to go with the Hello Kitty guts, but since the Japanese like to brand their snacks with names that probably wouldn’t sell well in the US, you have things like Hello Kitty Collon:
The hot and humid days of summer are now in full force in Japan and that means having to deal with all the lovely mosquitoes. If you decide to go on a picnic and hike like we did this past weekend, it makes sense to take mosquito repellent with you. To my regret, I made the amateurish assumption that when I asked my wife to pack the mosquito repellent that it would be normal spray or cream mosquito repellent. I should have known better living in Hello Kitty Hell that assuming is always a bad thing to do. Thus, I was introduced to the Hello Kitty mosquito repellent patch:
In a continuing sign that all is not right in the world, people still believe for some unfathomable reason that it’s a good idea to combine Hello Kitty and other anime characters into tattoos — which only produces Hello Kitty Hellish results. There isn’t much more you can say about something like the Hello Kitty Shotaro Kaneda tattoo:
I should have known that Hello Kitty Hell would not let me off that easily. After receiving over 20 emails yesterday about this I thought I could avoid the entire thing by placing a small blurb at the end of a post saying that I was aware and that everyone that visits here can stop sending me emails about it. Of course, in a non Hello Kitty Hell world that would mean that people would stop sending me emails about this and the entire horrific episode could be quickly forgotten as I pretended it never happened — but since I do live in hello Kitty Hell, it instead opened the floodgates and I can now assume that every person that has ever seen this blog has informed me of this news – Hello Kitty has been given an official title and made “goodwill tourism ambassador” of Japan to China and Hong Kong:
If you had any doubt that no place was safe from the claws of Hello Kitty, that doubt may now be put to rest. Hello Kitty has managed to wriggle her way into a lot of places she isn’t wanted, but I figured there were a few places that would never take to her – like, perhaps, horror punk rock bands. But alas, I have once again underestimated the power that the evil feline possesses:
For those of you who may not be aware, Valentine’s Day is celebrated a bit differently in Japan than it is in the US. In Japan, men don’t buy anything on Valentine’s Day – it is only women that buy chocolate or candy for men (then men reciprocate on March 14th on what is called “White Day”) Now one would make the logical assumption that since it is men that will be receiving the chocolate on Valentine’s Day, there would be no need for Hello Kitty Valentine’s Day chocolate, but alas, we are once again referring to Hello kitty where logic has never ruled the day. Thus, there is plenty of Valentine Day chocolate:
You might be able to imagine what my Valentine Day looked like. As my wife passed me box after box of Valentine’s Day chocolate, I had to greatly stifle the cringes that reflexively crossed my face as the evil feline time and again appeared on the chocolate (let it be said that there are way too many Hello Kitty chocolate Valentines in this world and I think I received them all…) Of course, I’m not actually allowed to eat any of this chocolate because as my wife said, “It’s too cute to eat. We should enjoy looking at it.”
I now have a shelf full of Hello Kitty Valentine chocolate staring back at me as I write this post which I can’t eat and will have to stare at for the rest of the month (at which point it will probably be packed away, but I still won’t be able to eat it). I know that it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish rest of the month when I’m already hoping that my computer catches on fire and in the process melts all the Hello Kitty Valentines so I have a good excuse not to have to look at them anymore…
Photo sent in by Monica who deserves unthinkable torture for sending me this and forcing me to look at yet another Hello Kitty chocolate valentine on this most depressing day…