Hello Kitty Men's Fashion

It appears that Sanrio has decided to really make my life Hell by introducing a Hello Kitty men’s fashion line that consists of T-shirts, boxers, bags, sports wear and watches.

Hello Kitty men's fashion

I find all the Hello Kitty photos I receive disturbing, but then there are those that I find disturbing on multiple levels.

1. It was emailed to me by someone who has their blog hosted by Sanrio. I realize (although I still have a difficult time understanding why – must be another of those Hello Kitty fanatic things) that there are a number of Hello Kitty fans that frequent this blog, but it appears that Hello Kitty fans now feel that a mention on my blog will drive traffic to their Hello Kitty blog and the people who go will like it. In other words, there are enough Hello Kitty fans that come to this blog that blogs on the official Sanrio site want to be mentioned here which I find quite disturbing.

2. Sanrio believes there is a big enough market out there to begin a male fashion line. I find this extremely disturbing.

3. My wife is going to take one look at this stuff and decide it is exactly what I need and it will start to show up on our doorstep in the next few weeks as “gifts” for me. I find this to be take out the knife and begin slitting my wrists disturbing.

Although I am not a big conspiracy theorist, I’m beginning to get the feeling that Sanrio has set up a special department with the exclusive mandate to try and make my life more Hello Kitty Hellish than it already is…

Hello Kitty Sausages

You may remember me telling you about the pimped out Hello Kitty cell phone that my wife had made and my embarrassing experience in the grocery store with it a couple of months back. My wife was quite distressed to learn that I wasn’t kidding when I said I couldn’t find the Hello Kitty sausages because our local store stopped selling them (yes, there is one sane store manager who was able to stand up to Sanrio in Japan). That means that my wife has been on a crusade to try to find a new place to get them since and, to her joy (and my chagrin) she was able to locate them the other day:

Hello Kitty sausages

I still am not sure why we have to have Hello Kitty on our food (it’s another one of those Hello Kitty fanatic things that no normal person will ever be able to comprehend) and even with the pleasure of getting to chomp my teeth into her and grind her up, it doesn’t make up for the nauseating experience of having to look at her on my plate.

The finding of the Hello Kitty sausages somehow revived talk of only eating Hello Kitty food again (a nightmare scenario that I have been praying would somehow fade away, but always seems to reappear to send chills down my spine). All I know is that if this idea transpires into reality, Hello Kitty Hell will have progressed to new depths that I don’t even want to imagine.

Hello Kitty Gold Business Card Personalized

You knew that Sanrio wouldn’t stop at one – it’s not in their character to fail to beat something to complete death when there are Hello Kitty fanatics ready to pay out big dollars for useless crap. To help celebrate the 33rd anniversary of Hello Kitty (like they really need an excuse to launch this stuff – they might as well declare everyday Hello kitty day and use that as an excuse), they have revived the pure gold business card, but now will personalize it with your name and address for the small sum of $110 (12,600 Yen)

Hello Kitty gold business card

To make matters worse, they have decided to release two different patterns of the card and then give fanatics the choice of English or Japanese lettering for their name making 4 different options for the Hello kitty fanatic to choose from. Since we have already established that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t make choices, but get one of everything, the result is over $400 for 4 gold business cards.

For the vast majority of us, we take one look at this business card and know it is completely useless. We think that Sanrio has finally lost their marbles and there is no way that this could possibly be a success (then again, that is exactly what we thought about the Hello Kitty business card). Of course, this common sense has no effect on the Hello Kitty fanatic. “It makes a perfect matching pair with the Hello Kitty business card. My business card right next to Hello Kitty’s business card. It shows how close we are to each other.”

You know that you are living in Hello Kitty Hell when your wife can explain with a straight face the reasons that getting a $110 gold Hello Kitty business card makes perfect sense…

Hello Kitty Vibrator

I have been trying to avoid writing about this little piece of Hello Kitty Hell for awhile now, but people keep on sending me photos and links to it so I guess I should address it. Yes, my wife does have a Hello Kitty shoulder massager – commonly known as a Hello Kitty vibrator. It happened to be one of the first big hits when she began selling Hello Kitty stuff and didn’t realize what it was actually being used for.

Hello Kitty vibrator

To tell you the truth, the Hello Kitty vibrator gives me the creeps. While some men might fantasize about it, they are definitely not men living in Hello Kitty Hell. Maybe it’s just me having to see Hello Kitty everywhere every second of the day, but the last place I want to see the face of Hello Kitty at the end of the day is where she would be if the vibrator was in use. There is something just very very wrong with that image no matter how pleasing it may be to the woman…

UPDATE: Sanrio has reissued the Hello Kitty vibrator – now in four colors!