Month: January 2007

Hello Kitty Snowman

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Reader marls did the kindness of adding to my Hello Kitty Hell by sending me this photo of a Hello Kitty snowman:

Hello Kitty snowman

You know that things are going to get bad when my wife sees a photo like that and says, “We need to go out and make our own Hello Kitty snowman!” While I don’t mind playing in the snow, building a sculpture to the enemy in my life is not one of the more pleasing ways I consider to pass an afternoon. Unfortunately, there are more than a few who believe snow shrines to Hello Kitty are a good thing…

Businesses like Hello Kitty snowman because of all the Hello Kitty fanatics there are out there. I’m sure as soon as my wife sees this photo, she’ll insist we go to this hotel and spend a weekend.

Hello Kitty snowman

I have to make sure that if I do get forced into building a Hello Kitty snowman, it isn’t small like this. The temptation to punt it across the yard would be too great and I would end up on the couch for the rest of the winter…

Hello Kitty snowman

I certainly hope that the caption on this one meant Wednesday night and not wedding night..had we not been married in Hawaii, that is certainly something that my wife would have considered doing…

Hello Kitty snowman

Obviously Hello Kitty fanatics have way too much time on their hands to be building all these snowmen. It only seems fitting in Hello Kitty Hell that I’ll probably have to add to the list when the next snow falls out here…

Update: More reasons wintered should be feared:

hello kitty snowman

Hello Kitty Venus

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Yikes! I unfortunately opened this photo sent from kittylv as my wife was looking over my shoulder.

Hello Kitty Venus statue

wife: “I want one of those!!!”

me: “….” (secretly thinking: “Why the hell would you want one of those?!?)

wife: “Wouldn’t look just perfect in our entry way?”

me: “….” (secretly thinking: “It’s a trick question. Don’t say anything. She really doesn’t want to know.”)

wife: “See, Kitty can be both cute and beautiful, don’t your think?”

me: “….” (secretly thinking: “It’s another trick question. Don’t say anything. She really doesn’t want to know.”)

wife: “Why are you being so quiet all of a sudden?”

me: “….” (secretly thinking: “hey, this is working. Don’t say anything and don’t get into trouble!)

wife: “It’s because you don’t like it, right? Right?”

me: “….” (secretly thinking: “uh oh, this is not turning out quite as well as I thought it would…”

wife: “You still don’t appreciate the love and beauty of Hello Kitty. You can’t see her heart, otherwise you would be as happy as I am. I’m going to bed.”

me: “….” (secretly thinking: “Damn, on the couch again with the Hello Kitty sleeping bag – remember next time that silence doesn’t work with Hello Kitty fanatics”)

UPDATE

Apparently, Sanrio actually had a Hello Kitty Venus de Milo statue commissioned for the 30th anniversary of Hello Kitty in 2004 (much like the Hello Kitty Crop Circle – I certainly hope I die before the 50th anniversary arrives) which they named “Hello de Milo” (makes me sick just saying it…)

Hello Kitty Venus statue

Luckily me wife wasn’t in the room when I found this or she would want both in our entry way…

Hello Kitty Extreme Computer Mod

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When I get emailed things like this, it sends shivers down my spine. True, I should be thankful that my wife’s computer is not this bad at the moment, but that doesn’t mean it won’t eventually get there and surpass it. When I get photos like these, I see my future Hello Kitty Hell. That future is not pretty:

Hello Kitty extreme computer mod

Hello Kitty computer mod

While the person that posted the Hello Kitty laptop computer mod had the sense to label it as “hobbies gone wrong,” I doubt that any Hello Kitty fanatic would view it that way. My wife’s only reaction would be, “Where can I get one of those?!” It’s depressing enough looking at Hello Kitty Hell in the present, but knowing where it is likely going is down right gut wrenching…

Thanks (I think) to Mackenzie via Pink Hello Kitty Laptop

Hello Kitty Car Security System

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While Hello Kitty Hell hasn’t reached the point where we have a Hello Kitty car (it’s not that my wife doesn’t want one, just that the Hello Kitty cars tend to be small…if they ever come out with a medium sized Hello Kitty car, I’m in real trouble), she has been slowly, but surely turning our regular car into a Hello Kitty car. She has been doing this by adding all kinds of Hello Kitty items to our car, the latest being the Hello Kitty car security system.

Hello Kitty car security system

While all Hello Kitty is a waste of money in my opinion, this has to be right up there near the top. I mean, come on, who in their right mind would steal a car decked out in Hello Kitty?!? Another Hello Kitty fanatic? Wouldn’t that be un Hello Kittyish (see, Hello Kitty Hell makes you come up with new Hello Kitty words). Anyone who would steal it would probably end up having to pay someone to take it off their hands…I don’t see there being a big black market for Hello Kitty themed cars, but then again, nothing about Hello Kitty would surprise me these days…

Hello Kitty Love Hotel Bondage

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There is Hello Kitty Hell and then there is Hello Kitty HELL – I have nightmares about something like this. The Morning News ran an article about Japanese Love Hotels with photos including the following of a Hello Kitty S & M room:

Hello Kitty Love Hotel

Hello Kitty Love Hotel Bondage

I can think of nothing worse (although I’m sure my wife will think of something) than being chained down to a Hello Kitty covered bed with Hello Kitty all around. My wife, seeing these photos, has decided that we must go to this love hotel since it is located in Osaka which is fairly near to us – I am hoping (most likely futilely) that the hotel has gone out of business since the photos are dated 2004. I’m not sure even I would be able to recover from a Hello Kitty Hell experience like that…

Photo Source: The Morning News

Hello Kitty Bathroom Slippers

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The problem with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that one is never enough. Hello Kitty items usually come in a variety of colors and that means my wife needs one of each color. We needed to get some bathroom slippers (in Japan, you switch slippers when going to the bathroom) and since our everyday slippers (having to wear Hello Kitty slippers all day is Hello Kitty Hell in itself) are Hello Kitty, the bathroom slippers also have to be Hello Kitty. Here is the problem – when we got to the store, they came in 4 different colors:

 

Hello Kitty slippers
 

Now most people would simply choose their favorite color and that would be it. Hello Kitty fanatics have lost this common sense reasoning and feel that they must have one of each color (at a minimum). While we have no need for four different colors, my wife rationalized it by saying a single color would be boring and she could switch the colors each week.

So you can add four pairs of Hello Kitty bathroom slippers to my Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Wine

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When I wrote about Hello Kitty Rice Wine (sake) a bit ago, you knew that if they made rice wine, they must make regular Hello Kitty wine. We found it at a local store today and of course my wife needed to get a bottle to display with the sake:

Hello Kitty wine

I learned my lesson from the last experience and submitted to not being able to drink it (which actually is probably a good idea – I’m not sure that drinking Hello Kitty wine is something that anyone should do during their lifetime…even with its hefty $25 a bottle price tag, something tells me it will taste more like syrup than wine. Something like liquid Hello Kitty pop tarts.

It seems like a fitting purchase for Hello Kitty Hell. Something way overpriced that I will have no chance of ever drinking, but then again, probably thankful that I never had the chance to drink it. So I pay $25 for something that I am actually thankful that I can’t ever consume – that is pure Hello Kitty Hell logic.

Update: Apparently Hello Kitty wine has become popular enough to now come in different varieties – of course, I still can’t consume any of them…

Hello Kitty wine

And (unfortunately) the varieties keep coming:

hello kitty wines

Sent in by far too many readers via lv weekly

Stephen Colbert weighs in on Hello Kitty wine:

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Tip/Wag – Hello Kitty Wine & Pig’s Blood Filters
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

Hello Kitty – How Many Bows?

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One of the worst aspects of Hello Kitty Hell is all the Hello Kitty games that my wife receives and then gives to me. I have to make some type of effort or I end up sleeping on the couch even though it’s torture to do so. Well, all you readers who actually like Hello Kitty are going to have to start earning your keep for my torture. Today my wife gave me this “How Many Bows Can You Find” and since looking at it makes the Hello Kitty pop tarts actually seem appealing, I’m enlisting you to give me the answer:

 

Hello Kitty - how many bows?
 

Hello Kitty Pop Tarts

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Maybe there is an angel looking over me in Hello Kitty Hell (oh boy, is that wishful thinking…) – at least these Hello Kitty Pop Tarts weren’t ever spotted at our local grocery store while we were back in the US.

Hello Kitty Pop Tarts

If they had been, I probably would have had to eat pop tarts for three meals a day. Somehow, Hello Kitty and Pop Tarts seem to go together well – sickeningly sweet and not at all good for you.

Thinking about it a bit more, those may not have been all that bad compared to what may be in store for me…there are far more Hello Kitty foods in Japan that I will be tortured with now that we are back as you will see (probably to your amusement, but to my chagrin). Worse, the Hello Kitty Pop Tarts aren’t really out of reach of my wife – she’ll probably order some once she reads this since they are available online…

**Thanks (I think) to Amaranthim who left a link in the comments

Update: Not a pretty sight:

hello kitty poptart

Sent in by Julia