Year: 2007

Hello Kitty Ubuntu GDM Theme

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My wife loves to show me how Hello Kitty is embraced by computer geeks. Even though I know little about computers, since I make my living on the Internet, she thinks that somehow if she shows me enough Hello Kitty computers products that I will somehow instantaneously see the light and become a Hello Kitty fanatic.

Most Hello Kitty computer products are aimed at female computer users. There aren’t a lot of men in Silicon Valley that would be willing to take a Hello Kitty laptop to work. I cringe when I have to use a Hello Kitty usb flash drive. It appears, however, that Hello Kitty is trying to expand her domain…

If anyone had any doubt that Hello Kitty was trying to take over everything, this should erase all doubt. It would seem that the least likely people to adopt Hello Kitty fanaticism would be computer geeks, but not just any computer geeks. Hello Kitty is even stretching her tentacles to go after the hardcore Linux computer geek crowd in an attempt to convert them to the Hello Kitty linux dark side:

Hello Kitty ubuntu linux

Of course, my wife made me download the gdm theme in her attempt to make my computer become more Hello Kittified. Another typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Thanks to hklinux who should be ostracized from the linux computer community for eternity for having a username like that

Hello Kitty Tulips

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One of the many (many, many…) problems with Hello Kitty is that subtlety is not a word in her vocabulary. That means that instead of quietly sitting on the sideline waiting for the fanatics that have been blinded by her hellish, evil side, to come and find her products, she has to get in everyone’s face. Hello Kitty flowers on an individual basis are not enough…especially when an entire field will do:

Hello Kitty tulips

You go to the tulip garden to see the beautiful flowers and end up having to stare at Hello Kitty’s face. It’s like a Hello Kitty Hell nightmare come true. Not satisfied with the human race, Hello Kitty also is after the complete domination of nature. Flowers in themselves are no longer beautiful enough and thus must form Hello Kitty to be appreciated. At least with a Hello Kitty crop circle, you have the faint possibility that an alien ship will appear and take you away from the Hellish scene you are witnessing, but there is no such hope with a tulip mural…

Of course, my wife’s reaction was a bit different than mine: “That is the cutest thing ever! We have to go and see it….I think everyone should plant their garden so Hello Kitty appears in it and then the world would be a happier and nicer place. I think we should try it.”

It’s this “we” part when talking about Hello Kitty projects that is the real source of Hello kitty Hell. It’s not like I volunteer for these things, but somehow I’m always included. So now not only am I going to have to go and see Hello Kitty flower gardens (oh, won’t that be a joyous trip), but my wife will also attempt (with me doing most of the labor) to turn our garden into something similar. It doesn’t get much more Hello Kitty Hellish than that…

Thanks to Danielle for emailing the photo of a tulip festival at Tanto town in Toyooka city, western Japan – she should have to stare at Hello Kitty flower arrangements for the rest of her life…

Hello Kitty Hotel Room

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The problem going anywhere when you live in Hello Kitty Hell is that the destination is always someplace to see Hello Kitty. While in the past I was able to escape Hello Kitty for a few moments here and there, it is becoming more and more difficult to do so as everything succumbs to Hello Kittification. For example, when we go someplace, my wife wants to stay in a Hello Kitty hotel room and unfortunately, there are more and more of these that exists these days:

Hello Kitty hotel room

Hello Kitty hotel room

Hello Kitty hotel room

Hello Kitty hotel room

Hello Kitty hotel room

Rooms like this are on par with our house meaning it isn’t like escaping Hello Kitty Hell at all. In fact, it’s even worse because the place is new so my wife has to spend fifteen minutes on every single Hello Kitty item in the room explaining how she can incorporate into our own house.

You would think that anyone who was forced to stay in a room like this would at least have the decency to completely trash the place so nobody else would have to endure the pain of staying there, but alas, this never seems to happen.

It’s only a matter of time before my wife attempts to plan a week vacation where we are never out of site of Hello Kitty and the scariest thing about this is that it’s probably possible. Just thinking about it gives me a Hellish Hello Kitty headache…

Thanks to hellosis (via sunflower700) who should have to spend her entire life in rooms like these.

Hello Kitty Musical

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When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, a “fun night on the town” is not what any normal person would consider “fun.” Unfortunately, there are a lot of Hello Kitty themed events that I end up getting dragged along to. By far the worst of these are the Hello Kitty musicals:

Hello Kitty Musical

I don’t know if there is an adequate way to describe the excruciating pain that comes with having to attend one of these. Let’s just say that I would rather have a root canal at the dentist with no anesthesia than attend a Hello Kitty musical. In fact, give me a random person on the street with a pair of pliers…it would still be less painful. Think of your worst nightmare and add Hello Kitty singing and dancing to it and you have only scratched the surface of how bad a Hello Kitty musical is. It’s Hello Kitty Hell on steroids…

In fact, here is my advice to you. If you have any enemies in the world, buy them Hello Kitty musical tickets. They will think you have done something nice for them, but they will never be the same when they get out…

For those that doubt me, enjoy the torture (I warned you and I do advise to keep all sharp objects out of reach) of these short audio clips from it:

Feeling As I Do
Guard You With My Life

Thanks to Adora for reminding me I will likely have to attend another one of these in the near future by emailing this Hello Kitty musical info in Hong Kong — she should have to suffer through one of these on a daily basis for the rest of her life…

Hello Kitty Maori

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Not being satisfied to take over all mainstream cultures, Hello Kitty is now attempting to take over literally ALL cultures as can be seen in this Hello Kitty Maori creation:

Hello Kitty Maori

I have no doubt that the staff at Sanrio have already sent people deep into the Amazon jungle looking for long lost tribes to convert to the Hello Kitty way. Hello Kitty Hell will soon be a reality for everyone…

Thanks to duncan (via artist Joseph), who should be forced to dress up like Hello Kitty in every culture for emailing this.

Hello Kitty Bowling Shoes

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One of the worst things about blogging about Hello Kitty Hell is that as soon as I put something up, I start receiving emails with photos attached for other things that my wife will want associated with whatever was just posted. I’ve already explained that my wife doesn’t bowl, so why would she need Hello Kitty bowling shoes in addition to the useless Hello Kitty bowling balls?

Hello Kitty bowling shoes

Hello Kitty bowling shoes

Hello Kitty bowling shoes

Of course, my wife thinks these are the cutest things in the world and wants to add them to her Hello Kitty Converse high tops and Hello Kitty heels. “OMG!!! Those are the cutest things ever!” (here’s a question for all you Hello Kitty fanatics: how can everything Hello Kitty be the “cutest thing ever” ? – I know, I know, one of those things that doesn’t make sense to anyone except Hello Kitty fanatics because it doesn’t make any sense at all…)

Just another typical hellish day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Thanks to hellogina who not only should have to wear these everyday, but also have one of the Hello Kitty bowling balls dropped on her foot for emailing these photos…

Hello Kitty Bowling Ball

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I’ve mentioned numerous times before that even though my wife doesn’t play the instrument or the sport, that doesn’t stop her from wanting the Hello Kitty item involved. Her latest lust is for the Hello Kitty bowling ball:

Hello Kitty bowling ball

Of course, with Hello Kitty it isn’t as simple as that. You might assume that one Hello Kitty bowling ball pattern would be enough, but alas that would be underestimating Hello Kitty’s world domination plan. Thus my wife is in her usual choice mode of not which of the bowling balls to get, but how many:

Hello Kitty bowling balls

This is the type of Hello Kitty item that I hate my wife getting. It’s one of those Hello Kitty Hell items that ends up silently mocking me every time I pass it. When they arrive and are displayed, each time I walk past them I will imagine how wonderful it would be to line up all my wife’s breakable Hello Kitty collectibles and heave the ball down the hall at them. And while this pleasant image will last a few seconds, it will ultimately be vanquished with the knowledge I would be spending the rest of my life on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag meaning no matter how strong the urge, I will never be able to fulfill my fantasy. Hello Kitty Hell has a way of doing that…

Thanks to Karen and hkfan, both of whom should have a Hello Kitty bowling ball fall on their toes for emailing these photos…

Hello Kitty Psycho Test

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Now before all you Hello Kitty fans (who shouldn’t even be viewing this blog anyway – haven’t you realized this is an anti-Hello Kitty blog yet?) get into a Hello Kitty hissy-fit about the title of this entry, I’m just using the words that Sanrio uses in their own url to post (see, even Sanrio thinks that all of you Hello Kitty fanatics are a bit psycho 😉 – actually double psycho if you look at the url) the Hello Kitty Psycho Psychology Test:

Hello Kitty psychology test

While I have major concerns when people ensure their psychology tests to a make believe feline, it’s simply another example of how Hello Kitty is after world domination. Beyond the money in your pocket book, she wants to control your mind as well (which she if effectively doing to far too many Hello Kitty fanatics). Of course, my wife wanted me to take the test which produced the following results:

It’s virtually impossible for you to care for others. For example you would probably eat and drink next to a friend who is on a diet, or you would share your romance with a friend who just broke up or some other insensitive things like such. Sometimes, you should really stand in other’s shoe and think of them – otherwise, those around you would probably think you are a “self-centered” and evil person.

Wow, that was an abundance of Hello Kitty sweetness calling me a “self-centered evil person” just because I preferred to keep the red cup for myself…Hmmmmmm, maybe Hello Kitty should take some of her own psycho psychological advice. Or maybe this is just the result that Hello Kitty herself creates when you have to look at her in Hello Kitty Hell everyday…

Of course, my wife sees the results as a sign that I don’t have enough Hello Kitty in my life and need more to combat the evil within me “so Hello Kitty’s sweetness can seep into your heart” — now, the thought of that is true Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Hospital

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I know it is going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish day when my wife screams with excitement about a new Hello Kitty place she wants to visit. It appears that there is a women’s hospital in Taiwan that has a Hello Kitty room for expectant mothers. It is decorated with pictures of Hello Kitty and Mimmy and who knows what else…

Hello Kitty hospital

I suppose this is their way of making the father go through the same pain and nausea as the mother giving birth, although I suspect that having to stay in a Hello Kitty decorated room waiting for your baby to arrive is actually more painful for the father. It certainly isn’t a positive sign of what the man can expect in future years.

My wife’s interest in this concerns me on a number of levels, but I have these terrible thoughts that we are going to end up going from the Hello Kitty love hotel to this Hello Kitty hospital. The only upside I can see in this whole situation is that it may possibly mean I don’t have to spend so many nights on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag, but I’m not sure that even that is worth the price for the obvious future Hello Kitty Hell I will have to endure…

Thanks (I think) to Cindy who should be forced to have all her kids born at this hospital

Hello Kitty Beer

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Reader Danny took pity on me and is the first person that decided my Hello Kitty Hell deserved some intoxication to help dull the pain and get me through it. He’s the first person to buy me a beer (click on the title of this post and look to the right if you have no clue what I’m talking about). Despite his generosity and my thankful senses, Hello Kitty Hell would be Hello Kitty Hell if I could simply drink a beer in peace and quiet. It’s a sad fact of life that there isn’t a single cup in our house that isn’t branded with Hello Kitty so my refreshing beverage had to be consumed in a Hello Kitty cup:

Hello Kitty beer reward

There should be a law that if you are a guy drinking beer, the beer can’t be in a Hello Kitty cup. Instead of being able to sit back and sip my beer slowly and with pleasure, Hello Kitty Hell and the Hello Kitty cup dictate that the beer needs to be downed as quickly as possible…each time you bring the cup to your lips, you see your sworn enemy directly before your eyes and you want to dull the pain of the situation as quickly as possible. Thus the Hello Kitty Hell escape paradox – when you believe that you will believe you will be able to escape Hello Kitty Hell even for a few minutes, she ends up being closer to you than you’d ever want her to be…