Hello Kitty Ramen

It’s emails like this that make Hello Kitty Hell the Hell it is. It seemed that my wife was slowly letting go of her all Hello Kitty food fantasies as she concentrated on other Hello Kitty goods when this shows up in my email:

Hello Kitty Ramen

wife: You like ramen!

me: I like real ramen…

wife: Hello Kitty ramen isn’t real ramen?

me: … (thinking: “oh boy, this is another one of those no win questions”)

wife: It’s soooooooo cute. We have to buy it.

me: … (thinking: can it get worse?)

wife: Which reminds me, we really should eat all Hello Kitty food. See, this is yet another proof Hello Kitty is not all sugar and candy

me: … (thinking: yep, it just got worse…)

So it seems that at some point in the near future I’m going to be looking at Hello Kitty food, on Hello Kitty plates in front of me. I bet something like this could be a pretty successful diet, cause I don’t see how I’m going to be able to keep any of it down…

From reader yznw who really should be the one that has to eat this crap…

Hello Kitty Stone Statue

I mentioned earlier about the Hello Kitty gravestone and my worries that I may someday be buried under one. Those fears have come to life as my wife has discovered that you can actually get a nearly 600 pound (270 kg) Hello Kitty stone statue. And all for the bargain price of $3000.

Hello Kitty stone statue

Somehow, my wife is under the impression (delusion?) that a huge Hello Kitty in our yard would somehow be a benefit. I guess that would be the case if we wanted our house value to plummet (then again, we could always market toward other Hello Kitty fanatics). Luckily, she’s a long way off from saving enough for this purchase…but I swear I am the most nervous man on earth each week when the lottery numbers are read on the off chance that she is the winner. Now that would really bring Hello Kitty Hell to new heights…

Update: Oh, what in Hello Kitty Hell could have I ever been thinking?!? My wife just chastised me for pointing out the wrong stone statue she wants – the one she really wants costs a mere $15,000 and weighs 6,600 lbs (3,000 kg).

Hello Kitty Blow Light Update

It goes to show how terribly ingrained Hello Kitty has become that even some people would assume that something like this exists. While the packaging is real, they obviously made a huge spelling mistake when producing it. I assume what they wanted to write was “Glow Light”

Hello Kitty glow light

So, while this is a real product, it’s not the product I described in the previous post (look at the date it was posted).

I would like to thank the numerous readers who emailed me (and continue to do so that I needed to link to this post to get them to stop) to get more information about the “blow light” not safe for work directions listed on the back, but unfortunately, there are none. Although I do have some questions about the people reading this blog 😉

This response leads me to believe there may be a market out there for something like that which I’m sure someone will fill someday. As long as I never have to see it…

Hello Kitty Blow Light

There is weird Hello Kitty stuff, and then there is weird Hello Kitty stuff. This is one of the strangest I’ve come across sent in by HK-S&M. It’s the Hello Kitty blow light and if you’re into weird sex toys, this is the one for you.

Hello Kitty blow light sex toy

Since this is a somewhat family friendly site, I’m not going to go into the gory details of how this works, but you can use your imagination. This was a Xmas gift sent out by Sanrio to sex shops across Japan this past year. Hello Kitty is a Santa and on the bottom there is a strategically placed opening for men to use…and on completion of their deed, there is a chemical reaction that lights up the figure to let everyone know you’re done and it has been used (I know, that’s probably more description than you wanted to know…it certainly was way more than I ever wanted to find out…)

The direction of use is printed on the back, but again, they aren’t really family friendly diagrams. If you want to see them, you can see them here (warning, they are adult oriented and not safe for work)

Only in Japan would they come up with something Hello Kitty like this and it brings my fear in Hello Kitty Hell to an entire new level of what photos might show up in my email next…

Hello Kitty Heels

I thought that my torture with Hello Kitty shoes was going to be limited to the Hello Kitty Converse High Tops and casual clothes, but of course I underestimated the lengths to which Hello Kitty would go to in order to increase my Hello Kitty Hell. Yesterday, I was informed that my wife had ordered Hello Kitty heels:

Hello Kitty heels

While the shoes themselves scare me to no end, the thought of when and what outfit she will actually wear these with is even more frightening to me…

Hello Kitty Sex Toy ??

Maybe it wasn’t obvious to me simply because I’m a man, but I had no idea what this Hello Kitty item was when I first saw it. Actually, something did come to mind and it scared the Hello Kitty Hell out of me, but fortunately I was way off base (kind of like the Hello Kitty condom that ended up being cheese) Yes, I realize now that it’s a far stretch to assume it was a sex toy, but I’m a guy and our minds are perpetually in the gutter and when viewed from a distance…

Hello Kitty sex toy??

Now I assume the women will know what this is (my wife just shook her head when I had no idea — but at least I was smart enough not to say what I thought — that would have really caused a Hello Kitty Hell incident). So if there are any guys that read this blog, make me feel better that I’m not the only stupid person that had no clue what it is.

Hello Kitty Car Window Sprayer

It’s when your wife starts coming home with things like this that you know that Hello Kitty has infiltrated absolutely every product that exists (except beer and pizza which I’m sure is just a matter of time): This is a Hello Kitty car window spray cover device:

Hello Kitty car window sprayer

Now not only do I have to look out the car window at Hello Kitty, I get to watch her spit a flowing stream of water at my face. Somehow that definitely seems appropriate for a Hello Kitty Hell product…

Hello Kitty Karaoke Machine

My wife has managed to already wage an effective assault campaign on my senses: visual with all the Hello Kitty in our house, taste with her continuing theory that an all Hello Kitty food diet would be “cute” and and smell with the new Hello Kitty perfume, so why stop there? So, of course, my wife is eyeing the Hello Kitty portable karaoke machine and CD player to assault my hearing as well:

Hello Kitty karaoke machine

Just imagine someone singing Hello Kitty karaoke songs all day and you’ll get a hint of what Hello Kitty Hell is like.

I have decided that for my own sanity I won’t even attempt to guess what “touch” may eventually turn out to be…

Hello Kitty Perfume – Momoberry

Great. Just the news I needed to hear. It appears that Sanrio has decided that Hello Kitty needed a perfume and they just released one called Momoberry:

Hello Kitty perfume - momoberry

Now not only will I have to see Hello Kitty all over the place, I will now have to smell (there is something very wrong with that) Hello Kitty everywhere from now on. Even though I tell myself time and again that Hello Kitty Hell can’t get any worse, it continues to do so…

Update: You thought there would only be one type of Hello Kitty perfume?

Hello Kitty Baby Perfume

Hello Kitty baby perfume

Hello Kitty Diamond Perfume

Hello Kitty diamond perfume

Hello Kitty Koto Perfume

Hello Kitty Koto parfum

Hello Kitty parfum

Hello Kitty parfum package

Sent in by Vivian

Hello Kitty Planetarium

Sometimes (OK, all the time if I must be honest) I simply have to shake my head when I see some of the stuff that arrives at our house. The latest is the Hello Kitty planetarium:

Hello Kitty constellation planetarium

My biggest fear is that when we actually use it, Hello Kitty will somehow be part of the constellations. Makes me shiver just thinking about that, although it would be typical Hello Kitty Hellish…