onezero – Page 94 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Karaoke Machine

March 23, 2007 by onezero

My wife has managed to already wage an effective assault campaign on my senses: visual with all the Hello Kitty in our house, taste with her continuing theory that an all Hello Kitty food diet would be “cute” and and smell with the new Hello Kitty perfume, so why stop there? So, of course, my wife is eyeing the Hello Kitty portable karaoke machine and CD player to assault my hearing as well:

Just imagine someone singing Hello Kitty karaoke songs all day and you’ll get a hint of what Hello Kitty Hell is like.

I have decided that for my own sanity I won’t even attempt to guess what “touch” may eventually turn out to be…

Hello Kitty Perfume – Momoberry

March 23, 2007 by onezero

Great. Just the news I needed to hear. It appears that Sanrio has decided that Hello Kitty needed a perfume and they just released one called Momoberry:

Now not only will I have to see Hello Kitty all over the place, I will now have to smell (there is something very wrong with that) Hello Kitty everywhere from now on. Even though I tell myself time and again that Hello Kitty Hell can’t get any worse, it continues to do so…

Update: You thought there would only be one type of Hello Kitty perfume?

Hello Kitty Baby Perfume

Hello Kitty Diamond Perfume

Hello Kitty Koto Perfume

Sent in by Vivian

Hello Kitty Planetarium

March 23, 2007 by onezero

Sometimes (OK, all the time if I must be honest) I simply have to shake my head when I see some of the stuff that arrives at our house. The latest is the Hello Kitty planetarium:

My biggest fear is that when we actually use it, Hello Kitty will somehow be part of the constellations. Makes me shiver just thinking about that, although it would be typical Hello Kitty Hellish…

Hello Kitty Bubble Bath – It Kills You…

March 22, 2007 by onezero

I always knew that Hello Kitty was evil, I just didn’t have the proof…until now. It appears that Hello Kitty Bubble Bath would like to give you cancer:

The characters are irresistible to your child, but a new study reveals there’s a suspected human cancer-causing chemical inside millions of bottles of bubbles…

The FDA recommends a maximum of 10 parts per million (ppm) of the contaminant. The author says of the products tested, 15% exceeded that recommendation.

Among the children’s products, the Hello Kitty Bubble Bath was the worst offender. It was found to have 12ppm, 20 percent more than the FDA recommendation. The chemical was also found in some adult products.

That sure sounds a lot more like the Hello Kitty I know compared to the Hello Kitty the Hello Kitty fanatics portray. Now if I could only find a product where Hello Kitty would just kill herself…

Photo courtesy of Reid H Cooper [flickr]

Hello Kitty Diamond Ring – Neiman Marcus

March 21, 2007 by onezero

There is something seriously wrong in the world when I have to write a blog post about Hello Kitty and diamond rings and feel the necessity to add where the diamond ring is coming from (Neiman Marcus) because it might be confused with other Hello Kitty diamond rings out there. That is just down right pathetic.

So this is the newest ring that my wife has her eyes on:

Of course, it costs over $4,000 (yep, not a typo there), but anyone who reads this blog knows, Hello Kitty fanatics don’t worry about little things like the ring could buy a car (and why stores make utterly ridiculous Hello Kitty items for way too much money – because Hello Kitty fanatics will have to have it).

Which brings yet another one of those Hello Kitty Hell dilemmas. Just the thought of spending $4,250 on a Hello Kitty ring makes me sick to my stomach, but it would mean $4,250 worth of other Hello Kitty junk that would never make it into our house, so it may be in my best interest to encourage her to save for it. It’s Hello Kitty Hell either way…

Hello Kitty Stamps Used

March 21, 2007 by onezero

One of the biggest problems with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that if Hello Kitty happens to be on something, then that something can’t be thrown out. That means that whenever I open a drawer, something Hello Kitty usually emerges. It’s not enough that all our stamps are Hello Kitty stamps, but it seems that my wife has been collecting all the used Hello Kitty stamps that have been sent to her (and believe me, every letter and package she receives has Hello Kitty stamps on it since everyone knows what a fanatic she is).

My question is, what possible use can you have for several hundred used Hello Kitty stamps? It’s just a huge pile that will never be taken out of the drawer, but I can’t say this unless I want to risk ending up out on the sofa in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag (Hello Kitty fanatics don’t like to be questioned when it comes to collecting Hello Kitty). It has absolutely no use, yet it will never be thrown away because it is Hello Kitty. I’m not sure why I even bother trying to find out answers to such questions as it doesn’t matter if anything makes sense to a Hello Kitty fanatic…which typifies Hello Kitty Hell (lots of Hello Kitty making no sense…and me stuck among it all)

Hello Kitty Snowboard

March 19, 2007 by onezero

We went on our last day of skiing and snowboarding for the year. As you can imagine, it’s not difficult at all to spot my wife on the slopes with her Hello Kitty snowboard:

Update: At these these Hello Kitty snowboard designs reflect how most of us would like to see the evil feline:

Sent in by snowguy

Hello Kitty Golf Balls 2

March 17, 2007 by onezero

It seems that one Hello Kitty fanatic didn’t appreciate my idea of having the Hello Kitty golf balls “accidentally find their way into (water) hazards one after another after I smack them as hard as I can” and decided to email my wife before I took off on my golf outing. Basically, the anonymous emailer said I was going to “abuse” Hello Kitty (I could make a pretty good argument that it’s not possible to abuse a golf ball when using it properly for a game it was designed for, but it wouldn’t matter because Hello Kitty fanatics don’t use logic when it comes to Hello Kitty) and my wife agreed.

To make a long story short, the previous golf balls were confiscated (to be displayed as part of your collection, of course) and I was given a set of three used Hello Kitty golf balls from her golf bag to use with the stern warning that they “all better return safely and don’t swing too hard.”

That sounds much more like the Hello Kitty Hell I’ve grown used to…

Hello Kitty Golf Balls

March 17, 2007 by onezero

So some friends invited me to go play golf this weekend and my wife tells me that she has a gift for me to take when I’m golfing. I knew as soon as I saw the wrapped package what was coming. There was no doubt in my mind that the golf balls would be Hello Kitty – I just didn’t realize they would be 4 patterns of Hello Kitty:

When you’re out with your buddies golfing, pulling out a Hello Kitty golf ball doesn’t say a whole lot for your manliness, but I will definitely be taking these along with me (better than having them become yet another display item in our house). I have an odd feeling that when I come to water hazard holes, these Hello Kitty golf balls will somehow “accidentally” find their way into those hazards one after another…that is, after I smack them as hard as I can 😉

Hello Kitty Porsche

March 15, 2007 by onezero

Why does this not surprise me? I post about a Hello Kitty car and a few hours later I have a photo of a Hello Kitty Porsche in my email inbox. While not quite as overdone as the Hello Kitty Ferrari, this is obviously another photoshopped car. Of course, this has little effect on my wife. She likes it. Which puts me into the ultimate Hello Kitty man quandary. I have a wife that will happily let me purchase a Ferrari or a Porsche (now what man wouldn’t like to have that spousal support), but only if it is Hello Kitty themed (sure puts a damper on that first point). Maybe our current car that is slowly being Hello Kittified isn’t as bad as I first thought…(a sure sign that Hello Kitty Hell has progressed far beyond the safe level…)

Thanks (I think) to devon