Gadgets – Page 7 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty iPod Earphone Charms

September 8, 2007 by onezero

We have already established that Hello Kitty will Hello Kittify virtually everything even to the point of creating the most useless Hello Kitty product ever. Of course, having invented the most useless product ever, she couldn’t stop there and had to try and outdo herself. Thus, we have the Hello Kitty earphone charms:

Taking this to the next logical step (at least for Sanrio and Hello Kitty fans) we should be seeing an accessory for the Hello Kitty earphone charms in the not too distant future (you know, while you just shook your head at the complete stupidity of that last sentence, someone at Sanrio just took it and is now making a presentation on what a great idea it is and telling their boss that even further down the road they can make Hello Kitty accessories for the Hello Kitty accessories, for the Hello Kitty earphone charms).

Of course, my wife thinks it’s a brilliant idea (would you expect anything else?) Yet another typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Compact Computer / iPod Speakers

September 4, 2007 by onezero

Because Hello Kitty has never seen a gadget that she doesn’t love to Hello Kittify, this arrived at our house today in the mail – the Hello Kitty compact speakers:

Of course my wife already has Hello Kitty speakers, but these speakers can be used for all the devices she has. It has a USB cord for the computer and also can be hooked into CD and MP3 players including her Hello Kitty iPod.

It took all of 2 seconds before she had to try it out on all the gadgets it would work with (my Hello Kitty Hell question of the day is that if Hello Kitty can have so many damn electronic gadgets, why does she have only one totally annoying theme song that gets played on all of them?) which once again confirmed that it doesn’t matter what speakers one uses, the Hello Kitty theme song will always be irritating enough to make anyone listening consider committing suicide.

Another typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Cell Phone Charger

August 27, 2007 by onezero

Well, that certainly didn’t take long. Now that my wife has her blinged out Hello Kitty cell phone, she has decided that she needs to increase the number of Hello Kitty cell phone accessories she has (like that is a big surprise). Here latest purchase is this Hello Kitty portable cell phone recharger:

Basically it is nothing more than a piece of molded plastic with USB cable, but my wife seems to like it for two main reasons: It’s light (only 50g including battery weight, but not the cable) so it’s not a problem for her to take it anywhere and Hello Kitty’s cheeks turn pink when the cell phone is charged (which she says is “so incredibly cute!”). At least it wasn’t one of her more expensive purchases at only $8 (998 yen) although with battery replacement it is going to cost a lot more in the long run.

I’m just trying to prepare myself for the onslaught of Hello Kitty cell phone accessories that will undoubtedly be showing up on our doorstep in the coming weeks and the Hello Kitty Hell situations that they will inevitably create…

Cell Phone

August 24, 2007 by onezero

My wife finally got herself a Hello Kitty cell phone, but since the official Hello Kitty cell phones weren’t Hello Kittified enough for her taste, she instead had this monstrosity custom made:

Since I don’t have a cell phone, my wife insisted that I take hers when I went out shopping yesterday in case she thought of some other things to add to the list she had given me. There’s definitely a Hello Kitty Hell law that states that when someone is living in Hello Kitty Hell and is forced to take some Hello Kitty branded item with them, the moment that that item will need to be used will be at the most embarrassing moment possible. Thus the phone rang right at the moment that I was in the most crowded section of the grocery store.

There is nothing that exudes “strange foreigner” in Japan more than a six foot three inch tall guy taking out a hideously blinged out Hello Kitty cell phone that is playing the Hello Kitty theme song as the ringtone in the middle of a crowded grocery store and having to explain that, “no, I am not lying and pretending I can’t find the Hello Kitty sausages you wanted. They aren’t here” and “yes, I do agree (because I don’t want to sleep in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag tonight) that Hello Kitty pancakes are wonderful and it is also beyond me why the grocery store doesn’t stock Hello Kitty brand pancake mix.”

After talking and hanging up, I of course have every single mother and child in that area of the store looking at me with a raised eyebrow trying to decide if I am just a weird foreigner that likes Hello Kitty or some freaked out lunatic that has no grasp of the reality that grown men don’t have Hello Kitty cell phones (with the latter usually winning out). I immediately sulk away where upon the phone rings again and the entire process starts anew.

And the sad part is that is nothing unusual for a day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Transformer

July 31, 2007 by onezero

In her undying quest to be involved in anything pop culture, Hello Kitty has morphed into a Hello Kitty sewing machine transformer:

My wife thinks this is “the greatest thing ever” (but then everything Hello Kitty is the greatest thing ever – no point trying to argue that it is impossible for everything to be “the greatest thing ever” at the same time, because while normal people know this makes absolutely no sense, we once again find that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t care) and wants one for herself.

wife: “I want one of those. It’s the greatest thing ever!”

me: “I don’t think it’s real…”

wife: “You’re just saying that because you don’t want me to get one. Just like the Hello Kitty car tail pipe.”

me: “no, that’s not true…” (thinking: “this is bad…I’m never going to be able to use that trick again…”)

wife: “It’s a toy you would like. I’ll let you play with it too.”

me: “That’s funny…” (accidentally laughing out loud thinking: “this is the person who sent me to the couch for a week because I used Hello Kitty toilet paper properly…”)

wife: “You don’t believe me!?” (with the Hello Kitty Hell look starting to sparkle in her eye – me thinking: “uh oh, this is not good…abandon ship…get out of this conversation as quickly as possible”)

me: (stammering trying to recover) “no…no, that’s not what I meant at all. What I meant was that I know how valuable everything Hello Kitty is to you and wouldn’t dream of disturbing your Hello Kitty items…” (thinking: “damn, you’re getting better at this. That was one hell of a comeback!”)

wife: “So what you’re saying is that I can get it and you won’t touch it.”

me: “Right” (thinking: whew, that was a close one and no Hello Kitty sleeping bag and couch tonight)

It took me a few minutes to realize the Hello Kitty conversation had ended much too amicably and going through the conversation again, I began to wonder if I had just told her it was OK to buy a Hello Kitty sewing machine? Now I sit here in a classic Hello Kitty Hell quandary – if I bring up the subject again, I’ll likely end up on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag, but if I don’t say anything, I’m bound to find a Hello Kitty sewing machine transformer at our door soon (yes, even if I know it doesn’t exist, believe me, she’ll figure out a way to find one…) Another typical no win situation day in Hello Kitty Hell.

Thanks to linda (via something awful) who should have to buy a Hello Kitty transformer sewing machine and use it daily for bringing this to my wife’s attention…

Bong

July 22, 2007 by onezero

Hmmmm, this Hello Kitty mod is taking Hello Kitty’s main goal in life of alternating everyone’s state of mind to a whole new level – the Hello Kitty bong:

When I saw this, I mentioned to my wife that I would not be surprised if Sanrio is in the process of developing a Hello Kitty brand of pot that would help alter people’s perception to instantly fall in love with Hello Kitty.

To which my wife responded with a smile, “It’s not needed. We are all high on Hello Kitty just the way she is” — and that, my friends, typifies the Hello Kitty Hell I live in…

Thanks to way too many readers (via two twenty) who obviously must be smoking the stuff to spend so much time looking for Hello Kitty crap to email to me…

Update: another Hello Kitty bong photo left by jennell in the comments:

Left in the comments by Harlock

Sent in by Jean [apparently there is now a retail line…]

Close-ups left by filipetadamassa on twitter

Sent in by james (via friend without the r)

Sent in by Lorie

Sent in by Pearly

Emergency Gadget

July 16, 2007 by onezero

With a number of natural disasters hitting Japan lately, my wife decided that we needed to do some better preparation in case something happened in our area. While I agreed that was an excellent idea, I also knew that it would likely become a Hello Kitty Hell nightmare. Since my wife has already bought us Hello Kitty fire extinguishers, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know what else she would find in her preparation of our safety. It didn’t take long before she decided we both needed one of these:

Hello Kitty has decided that the world needs a high tech version of the Swiss army knife for a generation that has more important things to do than open a can in an emergency. What is a person to do if their cell phone battery dies?

Sanrio’s solution is to create a 126 gram emergency gadget that does the following for the high tech world we live in:

1. USB cell phone recharger

2. LED Flashlight

3. AM/FM radio

4. hazard siren

5. compass

It can also be used with a 9v battery

Of course, my wife feels that it is not only necessary for her to carry one of these around, but I should also carry one in case of an emergency.

wife: “Hello Kitty will always be there to save you!”

me: … (thinking: this must be part of the Hello Kitty Hell conspiracy – instead of letting me just die and putting me out of my misery, Hello Kitty will come to my rescue so that I have to endure more Hello Kitty Hell to the point of trying to commit suicide, where once again Hello Kitty will come to the rescue and we’ll start all over again…)

I have to say that there really is nothing more unmanly than going into a store and taking the change out of your pocket to pay for something, and have a Hello Kitty gadget flop out on the counter. The store clerk looks at the gadget, then looks at you, then looks back at the gadget, then again at you with a look of “are you some kind of pervert?” It doesn’t matter how hard you try to explain the reason you have it, anything you say just makes you look more pathetic…

I think that I Hello Kitty Hell will be more bearable if I take my chances of an untimely death rather than continue to carry this around…

Hello Kitty Speakers

June 12, 2007 by onezero

In the overall scheme of things, Hello Kitty speakers wouldn’t seem to be a top priority to highlight in Hello Kitty Hell, but it is these often mundane Hello Kitty gadgets that typify how terrible Hello Kitty Hell can be.

See, when my wife gets something new like these, she has to show how happy she is by using the newest Hello Kitty gadget in her collection. That means listening to the Hello Kitty theme song 24/7 on a pair of lousy speakers that make Hello Kitty’s voice even higher pitched and annoying than regular (yeah, you don’t even want to think about it, trust me). For those of you who have decided that today would be a good day to be tortured, you can listen to this:

Imagine that, then add in the cheap speakers and the song playing 24/7 and you can see how a simple set of Hello Kitty speakers can just about make a grown man go crazy…and I still have at least another couple of days of this Hello Kitty Hell to endure…

Hello Kitty Piano – Roll Up Style

May 27, 2007 by onezero

You know that Hello Kitty Hell is getting bad when my wife wants something Hello Kitty and I think, “Well, at least it’s not as bad as it could be.” That was my thought when she announced that she wanted the Hello Kitty roll-up piano:

While any normal person would take one look at that and simply say, “Why the hell would anyone need that?” living in Hello Kitty Hell warps your perceptions. My initial reaction was, “At least it’s not a full sized Hello Kitty piano monstrosity.” (Yes, I know — very, very sad)

As with all of the Hello Kitty musical instruments my wife has to have for her collection, she has no desire to ever play it (at least I hope so – Hello Kitty themed songs on a piano would be pretty damn hellish). This is what Hello Kitty Hell has done to me – I am actually hoping that my wife buys Hello Kitty stuff that she will never use and can be stored away so that they don’t have to be seen — pretty pathetic…

Hello Kitty Microscope

May 22, 2007 by onezero

If anyone believed that Hello Kitty was after anything less than world domination, then this should help put things to rest. Not only has Hello Kitty started her own religion, she wants to dominate science as well. I mean, really, who in the world needs a Hello Kitty microscope?!?

Of course, my wife, who has absolutely no interest in any type of science, wants one for her collection. “It goes to show how smart Hello Kitty is as well as being cute.” I’m surprised that it doesn’t come with slides that have microscopic Hello Kitty faces for owners to identify (although I would not put it past Sanrio to be considering adding something like that in the future).

It is now impossible to escape Hello Kitty in both the spiritual and in hard science – yes, that pretty much sums up Hello Kitty Hell…