If there was ever any doubt that the people at Sanrio aren’t even trying anymore (and there really is no doubt at all), the latest Hello Kitty creation should even convince the most skeptical. It has become readily apparent that they know that no matter what they make, fanatics of the evil feline will buy it. Case in point, the Hello Kitty chicken reversible plush:
Hello Kitty Hannibal Plush
Since anyone living in Hello Kitty Hell knows never to underestimate the lengths that a Hello Kitty fantatic will go to create Hello Kitty tattoo combinations that will almost certainly haunt them (and us) for the rest of their lives, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that some of these fanatics will take the horror they create a step further. While it’s obvious to anyone with even an ounce of sanity that the Hello Kitty Hannibal Lecter tattoo should have been the end (or rather, never even contemplated) of this evil feline mashup, we are talking about a Hello Kitty fanatic here. Thus, the obviousl next step was to create a Hello Kitty Hannibal Lecter plush:
Hello Kitty Bondage Room
One would assume that after the Hello Kitty latex bed there would have been enough Hello Kitty kink for the week, but then that would be greatly underestimating how much Hello Kitty loves her sex. This was made readily apparent when I found out that the Hello Kitty S&M love hotel existing was not enough, and someone felt it essential to build another Hello Kitty bondage room:
Hello Kitty Bloodfest
There are some things about Hello Kitty fanatics I just don’t want to know. Apparently there is a a rave called Bloodfest where “the Infamous Boom Boom does his blood bath performance which is basically simulated sex in a tub full of blood and bones.” This year Boom Boom incorporated the below Hello Kitty plush into the act and for your sanity, I’ll leave out the details of what he did. While this certainly sounds like the crowd where the evil feline belongs, feel free not to share these stories with me in the future:
Sent in by Hello Kizee
Domo Kun + Hello Kitty: Domokitty
Once again the true nature of Hello Kitty fanatics arrived in my email box. Because Hello Kitty fanatics have this strange concept that Hello Kittifying absolutely everything somehow makes whatever has been Hello Kittified cute (hint: it doesn’t), the world end up with disasters like Domokitty:
Help Me Get Rid of 200 Hello Kitty Items: Comment!
One of the activities I undertake each year is collect toys for a local orphanage in Japan. While the orphanages here are pretty well run compared to other places in the world, there isn’t a whole lot of extra money for toys for the kids. So every year I go around and collect small toys such as bottle cap figures, key chains, phone straps and plush (stuffed animals) for the boys and girls.
In one of our recent discussions about this blog (my wife has learned to ignore it to a great extent, but when she does visit, I usually get an earful…) this past weekend, my wife commented that it’s always the same people who comment on this blog which means it’s only the same people who read this blog all the time. I argued that while there are a core group that tend to comment quite a bit, there are a lot of readers that just read and never comment (I should have added, “because everything is so ridiculous that it makes them speechless” but I was already treading on this ice of being sent to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag).
She gave me one of those laughs like “nice try, but I won’t believe it till I see it.” So I challenged that if I can get 1000 different people to comment on a post, would she be willing to donate some of her Hello Kitty stuff to the orphans? She agreed, but also stipulated that if I fail to reach 1000, I have to take her on a Hello Kitty trip this August and I’m not allowed to complain at all (that certainly would be nothing short of Hello Kitty Hell…)
So here’s the deal. For every 5 new people that comment (if it’s to say something bad about Hello Kitty, all the better, but even if it is something positive, I will forgive you since it’s for a good cause) my wife said that she will donate a Hello Kitty toy to the toy drive (even if if the total doesn’t reach 1000). 100 comments means 20 toys, 500 comments means 100 toys and 1000 comments means 200 toys. With your help, I have the opportunity to rid our house of 200 Hello Kitty items that will go to a good cause and my wife won’t even be able to complain about it. How great would that be?
Since I don’t want me wife accusing me of cheating, please don’t make multiple comments under different names (it’s too easy for her to figure it out). If you have never commented before, this is your chance to say something and help out a great cause. Please also take a few moments to spread the word and tell your friends. The thread needs 1000 comments from different people to donate the maximum number of toys — that’s less than half the current rss feed readers. Not only will I be deeply grateful in getting 200 products of the evil feline out of this house, it’s not often that you can bring a smile to the face of a child by simply leaving a short comment. Thank you in advance for all those that are willing to help.
Update: “Wow” is all I can say. When my wife and I made the deal, I had to reach 1000 comments before the end of the month. It took just over 2 days to accomplish it with all of your help. While I did find the number of Hello Kitty fanatics that read this blog a bit disturbing, I’ll suppress that horror knowing that this house will have 200 less Hello Kitty products crowded inside in the weeks to come and that there is no need to go on a Hello Kitty vacation this summer! That is certainly a great relief and something to celebrate!
Of course, I will photo document all the items with the evil feline that leave this house with great joy and pleasure as we pack them up and deliver them. Those will appear in future update posts about it. This is probably the biggest victory ever in Hello Kitty Hell and is certainly something that I could get used to!
Feel free to keep commenting. I’m not sure what the comments above 1000 will mean at this very moment, but I’ll figure out how to make those above 1000 help out as well for all those that took the time to stop by and help a good cause.
I’d just like to take another moment to thank everyone that took the time to comment to help out the kids. It’s very much appreciated.
Just when I have about given up hope in Hello Kitty Hell, a photo arrives in my email box that brings a smile to my face. Let’s here a big round of applause for the Hello Kitty pincushion:
Hello Kitty Bikini Plush Nightmare
Damn, just damn (shakes head, tries to push image out of mind, feels ice-cream type headache invade brain and no matter what is attempted, the image won’t go away…)
I know that part of living in Hello Kitty Hell is the risk that something will show up in my email that will traumatize me for the rest of the day. On occasion the photo will traumatize me for the week. If it is really horrible, it may traumatize me for a month. I think this one is going to traumatize me for the rest of my life:
There isn’t much that crosses my computer screen these days that makes me jump back in my chair so that it topples over backwards and I instantly want to sear my eyes with hot branding irons, but this did. Damn…someone tell me how I can make this image go away…
Sent in my Lauren who should have to stare at this photo every morning for the rest of her life before she starts her day for thinking for an instant that sending me this photo could ever be a good idea…
Hello Kitty Christmas Tree II
I should have known that it was going to get worse (this is, after all, Hello Kitty Hell where things always get worse no matter how bad they may seem). Thus we move from the Hello Kitty pink Christmas tree to the Hello Kitty Plush Christmas tree:
Of course, my wife loves both and is talking about combining the two together (Pepto Bismol pink with lots of Hello Kitty plush and Hello Kitty ornaments — and people wonder why the holidays is the time when people kill themselves…) which would take the entire Hello Kitty Christmas tree to even new Hello Kitty Hell depths…
Sent in by cutesy (via likerogermoore) who should have to live with a tree like that for the entire year (and definitely get a new user name) for even thinking for a second it was a good idea to send that photo to me…