Hello Kitty Puppy

Of all living things on earth that may have a comparable Hello Kitty Hell to my own, the closest may be the dogs of Hello Kitty owners. When your owner thinks it’s a good idea to give you a Hello Kitty ID tattoo or simply dress you up like this (or this or this or this — it is quite sad that I could keep going on and on), being a dog owned by a Hello Kitty fanatic can’t be an easy life.

Knowing this, it becomes plainly obvious when a creature did something beyond evil in their past life, and now the karma has come back to haunt them in their new form. There is no other explanation when you see a photo like this:

Hello Kitty puppy

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Hello Kitty Nightmare Video

One of the most difficult aspects of living in Hello Kitty Hell is explaining the complete fanaticism of Hello Kitty fanatics to people who have never met one. They simply have no reference, and any sane person would find it unbelievable the lengths that fanatics will go to surround themselves with the evil feline. This video gives a taste of what every Hello Kitty fanatic would like their house to look like (my wife is certainly doing her utmost to equal, if not surpass, it).

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The Future of Hello Kitty Hell

It seems that there are a few blog readers that felt their lives were so pathetic that it necessitated them to involve themselves in my life by way of my wife. They felt compelled to email my wife time and again until they had convinced her that this blog was much more than a way for me to innocently let off some steam about Hello Kitty. They insisted that this blog was degrading to the evil feline and to all Hello Kitty fanatics, especially my wife. My wife confronted me about this over the winter vacation and has demanded that I abandon this blog.

Of course, the Hello Kitty fanatics didn’t stop just there. They have convinced my wife that once I have abandoned the blog, that it should be reinvented as a Hello Kitty Heaven blog to even out the bad karma I have thrown Hello Kitty’s way these past couple of years.

Does anyone have any good suggestions on how we might resolve this current standoff that might keep me from spending all of 2009 on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag?

Hello Kitty Mail

Some random Hello Kitty mail that has made its way into my email box:

I enjoy reading your blog, and I think it’s even more funny that you are helping hello kitty fanatics find more ideas of things to buy.

I have an honest question. I am 25 yrs, I don’t quite think of myself in a “midlife crisis” (unless I live to 50, of course) but why is it that I have become so obsessed with Sanrio and Hello Kitty as I have gotten older?

You know that adrenaline, butterflies in the stomach feeling of nervousness and excitement? Well, even a walk through a Target store, I will go in with intentions on purchasing a simple household cleaning item and walk out with a hello kitty trash can, laundry hamper, stickers, pillow, lamp, soap dispenser (which is still brand new in the back of my closet because I live in my boyfriends house and have no place to put it) stack of notebooks, folders (I am out of school) convection oven (which my poor boyfriend actually ended up using a couple times until he said it didn’t cook food bc it wasn’t meant to make real food!) and pretty much anything with her face on it. I remember as a kid liking hello kitty but mostly other kids things like disney, looney toons, barbie, etc. (actually , I only liked keroppi at the time because my favorite color used to be green). Anyways, I havent’ yet figured out why I get so “giddy” when I see anything Hello Kitty. My boyfriend has been supportive and hasn’t complained as of yet. He has gotten me the jewelry neiman marcus with hello kitty for birthdays and christmas, but I guess because he knows ANYTHING will make me happy, even if it’s a 99 cent eraser in the shape of her head…

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Hello Kitty Hell – The Beginning

I live in a Hello Kitty Hell, no ifs, ands or buts about it. You may not believe it at this moment, but as this journal expands you will no doubt come to that conclusion. It will make you feel good, bring a little joy to your life, knowing that your life may have problems, but it isn’t nearly as bad as living in a Hello Kitty Hell. This is the reaction that I receive from most that hear my story.

What makes it even more of a hell is that it is the result of my own doing. I have nobody to blame but myself which makes the daily torture that much more intense. I live with it because I helped to create it, I initially encouraged it and it gradually engulfed me until there was no escape…

The story has a simple beginning. My wife has always thought that Hello Kitty was cute,  purchasing an item here and there to display. When we decided to purchase a house, we decided that extra income would be a necessity to afford the place we wanted. To accomplish this, I suggested that she should take any hobby she enjoyed and we could make it into a money making venture. Her choice was Hello Kitty.

Thinking back, I should have seen the red flags waving all around me. I should have made her pick something else right then and there, but it never occurred to me that she could turn the hobby into a full fledged business. I also never imagined that one day I would have to live in a house full of Hello Kitty.

The problem was that I imagined that she would only be able to sell a few items a week to bring in a little extra cash. I mean, who would ever imagine that some people are so fanatical they would pay more than $100 for a Hello Kitty plush (that’s a stuffed doll for those not into Hello Kitty collecting)? They exist and not only that, they exist in numbers which has enabled my wife to turn Hello Kitty into a profitable business. The problem is that when she discovered she could make money with Hello Kitty, her hobby greatly expanded to include practically anything Hello Kitty.

Hello Kitty toilet paper
 

So I now find myself in a catch 22 Hello Kitty Hell. I encouraged her to turn her hobby into a money making venture so I can’t really ask her to stop, but you have to start questioning if it has gone too far when you have 4 different types of Hello Kitty toilet paper to choose from in the bathroom. If 4 types of toilet paper wasn’t bad enough, one of the rolls actually mocks my Hello Kitty Hell – look at pattern in the top right corner – doesn’t it look like Hello Kitty is flipping me off as she winks at me?

So here I sit, trapped in cute overkill created in part by my own doing, with my only means of release being what you’re reading now. Welcome to my living hell and rejoice in the fact that life will never get this bad for you…