Hello Kitty Gravestone

One would hope that it would be possible to escape the evil feline upon death, but fanatics are doing everything within their power to guarantee that this is not the case. It’s a good bet that if you live with a fanatic, you’re going to end up in the ground in one of her coffins. It’s an even better bet that upon that coffin you will end up with an arrangement of horrifying flowers. And of course, how could a fanatic ever resist placing a Hello kitty gravestone on top of your grave?

Hello Kitty headstone cemetery

Hello Kitty grave

Hello Kitty graveyard

Just further proof that the one-with-no-mouth has the diabolical plan to not only torture you during this life, but for all of eternity…

Sent in by anonymous, Deanna and shiho

Hello Kitty Terminator Cake

Well, we all instinctively know that there is nothing close to being soft, sweet or lovable under the skin of the evil feline. So what are you to do if you are given the unfortunate task of making a cake that shows what you’ll find under her matted fur? You make exactly what you imagined you’d find, and that would result in something along the lines of a Hello Kitty Terminator cake:

Hello Kitty as terminator cake

Cute terminator cake

Hello Kitty x Terminator specialty cake

Of course, the scary part is that we know exactly that her goal is exactly the same as the Terminator’s goal of world domination, although the mouthless wonder goes about it in a much more cruel and devastating way by inflicting far more pain and cruelty than any Terminator could ever inflict. And the worst part is that this knowledge simply confirms the horror of another average day when it comes to living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Julie (via Between The Pages)

Hello Kitty Fireworks

One would assume that going to a fireworks display would be one of the few places that one would be safe from the claws of the evil feline. Of course, the assumption would be terribly and painfully incorrect. Somewhere, someone decided that creating a Hello Kitty firework would be a good idea (My personal guess is that the person thinking it was a good idea was a Sanrio employee with a one of the many guns in her arsenal pointed at the temple of some poor soul who had to decide between his life and the sanity of the world — and he chose wrong)

Hello Kitty sky 4th of July

Yes, that still shot is a pretty demoralizing statement of where the world has come, but it’s nothing compared to the terror you are going to feel upon seeing these in video:

While an explosion of hot gas that terrifies all those around does do a good job in describing the feelings the cat-with-no-mouth elicits from the vast majority of the human race, seeing it in reality is further proof that there is no escaping her no matter what the event…

Airline Boarding Pass Machines

It seems that the TSA has figured out a less expensive and 100% effective way to make the skies safe. Instead of spending hundreds of millions of dollars to screen each individual before going into the boarding area, they have figured out how to get those without any common sense to reveal themselves (probably without them even realizing it). There would really be no other logical reason for the Hello Kitty boarding pass machines (unless there is a secret campaign taking place by other forms of transportation to get people not to fly, because anyone who stumbled across these probably would feel so nauseated that they would be unable to board a plane).

hello kitty airline ticket machines

It’s pretty simple and ingenious if you think about it. Anyone who would willingly go up and get a boarding pass out of one of these machines would have to be insane. Even better, all these people could quickly be loaded onto an appropriate plane where if it does get blown up in the sky, nobody would really care all that much. And if you think about it, anyone that had to go to these machines to get their boarding passes probably is looking for some type of quick death because it surely would be a lot less painful than having to deal with a fanatic that thought getting these tickets would be a good idea…

Sent in by Cass

Baby Tattoo

One of the worst parts of knowing someone who loves the cat-with-no-mouth is that they can’t keep their fanaticism to themselves. They feel the uncontrollable desire to make everyone in their life as miserable as possible by making everything about the Sanrio character which everyone with an ounce of common sense loathes with a passion. While that in itself is painful enough for the vast majority of us living in Hello Kitty Hell, the fanatics can’t leave it there (surprise, surprise). They’re willing to go to any and all lengths to Kittify all those around them that can’t defend themselves. Just look what happens if you’re a cat of a fanatic. Or a dog. or a baby.

Of course, even this isn’t as far as the fanatics will go. We already know that fanatics are willing to ink their dogs with the evil feline, so it’s really a surprise that they would ink their baby with a tattoo as well?

Hello Kitty tattoo on baby

Read moreBaby Tattoo

Vajazzle (NSFW)

Although I have come to the inevitable (although still excruciatingly painful) realization that I’m going to eventually see everything succumb to the branding of the evil feline at some point, there are still things that end up in my email that I hope for the sanity of the human race never become trends. The Hello Kitty vajazzle is most definitely one of those things:

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Flask

There is a never ending conflict that the evil feline must address on what is more important to her — living up to the expectation that she has as a role model of love and friendship for the young, or making money. Obviously the “love and friendship” side won out with the Hello Kitty flask, because we all know how important it is to impress upon children the need to consume vast amounts of alcohol:

hello kitty flask

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Chicken Reversible Plush

If there was ever any doubt that the people at Sanrio aren’t even trying anymore (and there really is no doubt at all), the latest Hello Kitty creation should even convince the most skeptical. It has become readily apparent that they know that no matter what they make, fanatics of the evil feline will buy it. Case in point, the Hello Kitty chicken reversible plush:

Hello Kitty chicken plush

Read moreChicken Reversible Plush

Lips

With her never-ending fascination with all things oral (even though she doesn’t have a mouth), it really shouldn’t be much of a surprise that fanatics would think that drawing the evil feline on their lips would be a good idea. Of course, that means the rest of us who possess even a tiny bit of sanity end up having to try to erase from our minds the image of Hello kitty lips:

hello kitty lips

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Breast Implants

It’s not often that I sigh in relief when I’m sent some evil feline monstrosity, but today was one of those days. I was sent the following photo labeled as Hello Kitty breast implants, but it appears that in reality they are nothing more than soap bars. That sigh of relief, however, does come with a very dark and disturbing side. The relief I felt only could manifest because I knew in my heart that Hello Kitty breast implants were not out of the scope of possibility (and when you think about that, the horrifying reality I live in on a daily basis becomes all too clear).

hello kitty breast implant soap

Read moreBreast Implants