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Hello Kitty iPod Mini

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Well, it has certainly become a classic Hello Kitty Hell day. My last post hasn’t even been up an hour and I’m getting multiple emails that my wife can get a Hello Kitty iPod. It’s not like she really needs encouragement, you know?

Hello Kitty iPod

And when my wife sees the Hello Kitty iPod (which of course I’m trying desperately to hide from her), she looks at me like I’m an idiot and says, “I already have that….why do you think I want the Hello Kitty iPod recharger?”

You can imagine how many Hello Kitty items are in our house when I don’t even know that my wife already has a Hello Kitty iPod…and that, my friends, is true Hello Kitty Hell…

Reader Energist deserves to listen to Hello Kitty music 24/7 for a month for sending the photo which made me look like a fool in front of my wife and made me realize that listening to Hello Kitty music on a Hello Kitty iPod (being charged by a Hello Kitty recharger) in our Hello Kitty car is no longer a possibility, but an inevitability…

Hello Kitty iPod Car Charger & FM Transmitter

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Yikes! It’s bad enough that my wife is slowly turning our car into the Hello Kitty mobile, but now she is getting interested in Hello Kitty car accessories that mold the home and the car together. That can mean nothing except more Hello Kitty Hell in my life. It certainly doesn’t help that readers keep sending me photos of Hello Kitty stuff (come on people, it isn’t like she is lacking in enough Hello Kitty crap to look at already) that once she sees, she naturally (in the distorted and twisted Hello Kitty way) wants — the latest being this Hello Kitty iPod car recharger:

Hello Kitty iPod car recharger and transmitter

Mind you, she still doesn’t even have an iPod (“I’m waiting for a Hello Kitty edition”). That she firmly believes that a Hello Kitty iPod will be available soon scares me in itself, but an even bigger fear is that an iPod will be purchased even without Hello Kitty. Too many Hello Kitty iPod accessories are appearing for her to last much longer.

Life looks pretty bleak when you imagine Hello Kitty Hell in the future: A Hello Kitty iPod playing Hello Kitty music being recharged by a Hello Kitty recharger in a Hello Kitty car. ‘Nough said…

Sent by HKtechfan (via one’s & zero’s) who should have to listen to Hello Kitty music 24/7 for a week for even considering sending me this photo.

Hello Kitty Noodles

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No post goes unpunished in Hello Kitty Hell with a deluge of links and photos to similar Hello Kitty products…as if I really want to know they exist or even worse, that I want my wife to know they exist. It seems to me that there is a conspiracy among the readers that think it would be fun to see me suffer through eating Hello Kitty food – why else would people send me photos like this?

Hello Kitty Nagasaki Noodles

An extremely worrying trend I’m seeing with the Hello Kitty food is that not only do I have to look at Hello Kitty when eating it, but it also comes with some type of Hello Kitty container which means more Hello Kitty junk around the house. Typical Hello Kitty Hell…

From adora who should definitely eat Hello Kitty food for at least a week for even thinking of sending me that photo…

Hello Kitty Ramen

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It’s emails like this that make Hello Kitty Hell the Hell it is. It seemed that my wife was slowly letting go of her all Hello Kitty food fantasies as she concentrated on other Hello Kitty goods when this shows up in my email:

Hello Kitty Ramen

wife: You like ramen!

me: I like real ramen…

wife: Hello Kitty ramen isn’t real ramen?

me: … (thinking: “oh boy, this is another one of those no win questions”)

wife: It’s soooooooo cute. We have to buy it.

me: … (thinking: can it get worse?)

wife: Which reminds me, we really should eat all Hello Kitty food. See, this is yet another proof Hello Kitty is not all sugar and candy

me: … (thinking: yep, it just got worse…)

So it seems that at some point in the near future I’m going to be looking at Hello Kitty food, on Hello Kitty plates in front of me. I bet something like this could be a pretty successful diet, cause I don’t see how I’m going to be able to keep any of it down…

From reader yznw who really should be the one that has to eat this crap…

Hello Kitty Stone Statue

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I mentioned earlier about the Hello Kitty gravestone and my worries that I may someday be buried under one. Those fears have come to life as my wife has discovered that you can actually get a nearly 600 pound (270 kg) Hello Kitty stone statue. And all for the bargain price of $3000.

Hello Kitty stone statue

Somehow, my wife is under the impression (delusion?) that a huge Hello Kitty in our yard would somehow be a benefit. I guess that would be the case if we wanted our house value to plummet (then again, we could always market toward other Hello Kitty fanatics). Luckily, she’s a long way off from saving enough for this purchase…but I swear I am the most nervous man on earth each week when the lottery numbers are read on the off chance that she is the winner. Now that would really bring Hello Kitty Hell to new heights…

Update: Oh, what in Hello Kitty Hell could have I ever been thinking?!? My wife just chastised me for pointing out the wrong stone statue she wants – the one she really wants costs a mere $15,000 and weighs 6,600 lbs (3,000 kg).

Hello Kitty Blow Light Update

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It goes to show how terribly ingrained Hello Kitty has become that even some people would assume that something like this exists. While the packaging is real, they obviously made a huge spelling mistake when producing it. I assume what they wanted to write was “Glow Light”

Hello Kitty glow light

So, while this is a real product, it’s not the product I described in the previous post (look at the date it was posted).

I would like to thank the numerous readers who emailed me (and continue to do so that I needed to link to this post to get them to stop) to get more information about the “blow light” not safe for work directions listed on the back, but unfortunately, there are none. Although I do have some questions about the people reading this blog 😉

This response leads me to believe there may be a market out there for something like that which I’m sure someone will fill someday. As long as I never have to see it…

Hello Kitty Blow Light

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There is weird Hello Kitty stuff, and then there is weird Hello Kitty stuff. This is one of the strangest I’ve come across sent in by HK-S&M. It’s the Hello Kitty blow light and if you’re into weird sex toys, this is the one for you.

Hello Kitty blow light sex toy

Since this is a somewhat family friendly site, I’m not going to go into the gory details of how this works, but you can use your imagination. This was a Xmas gift sent out by Sanrio to sex shops across Japan this past year. Hello Kitty is a Santa and on the bottom there is a strategically placed opening for men to use…and on completion of their deed, there is a chemical reaction that lights up the figure to let everyone know you’re done and it has been used (I know, that’s probably more description than you wanted to know…it certainly was way more than I ever wanted to find out…)

The direction of use is printed on the back, but again, they aren’t really family friendly diagrams. If you want to see them, you can see them here (warning, they are adult oriented and not safe for work)

Only in Japan would they come up with something Hello Kitty like this and it brings my fear in Hello Kitty Hell to an entire new level of what photos might show up in my email next…

Hello Kitty Heels

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I thought that my torture with Hello Kitty shoes was going to be limited to the Hello Kitty Converse High Tops and casual clothes, but of course I underestimated the lengths to which Hello Kitty would go to in order to increase my Hello Kitty Hell. Yesterday, I was informed that my wife had ordered Hello Kitty heels:

Hello Kitty heels

While the shoes themselves scare me to no end, the thought of when and what outfit she will actually wear these with is even more frightening to me…

Hello Kitty Sex Toy ??

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Maybe it wasn’t obvious to me simply because I’m a man, but I had no idea what this Hello Kitty item was when I first saw it. Actually, something did come to mind and it scared the Hello Kitty Hell out of me, but fortunately I was way off base (kind of like the Hello Kitty condom that ended up being cheese) Yes, I realize now that it’s a far stretch to assume it was a sex toy, but I’m a guy and our minds are perpetually in the gutter and when viewed from a distance…

Hello Kitty sex toy??

Now I assume the women will know what this is (my wife just shook her head when I had no idea — but at least I was smart enough not to say what I thought — that would have really caused a Hello Kitty Hell incident). So if there are any guys that read this blog, make me feel better that I’m not the only stupid person that had no clue what it is.

Hello Kitty Car Window Sprayer

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It’s when your wife starts coming home with things like this that you know that Hello Kitty has infiltrated absolutely every product that exists (except beer and pizza which I’m sure is just a matter of time): This is a Hello Kitty car window spray cover device:

Hello Kitty car window sprayer

Now not only do I have to look out the car window at Hello Kitty, I get to watch her spit a flowing stream of water at my face. Somehow that definitely seems appropriate for a Hello Kitty Hell product…