Computers

Seriously, how many Hello Kitty computer themes do you really need in this world? There was a time not too long ago that you had to pimp out your own Hello Kitty computer, but that is far from the case these days as Hello Kitty Laptops are now made. In fact, it seems with all the Hello Kitty computer cuteness around, launching a single Hello Kitty laptop theme isn’t enough – so Epson decided to launch two Hello Kitty monogrammed Hello Kitty themes at once to give choice (or if you happen to be a Hello Kitty fanatic like my wife, you want both):

You can even choose one of two themes that you want installed on the laptop:

Theme 1

Theme 2

I can tell you right now that one day having to look at those Hello Kitty icons on my computer and I would be doing serious bodily injury to myself. It would be a nightmare come true. Of course, my wife thinks that the themes are “the cutest things ever” (yeah, I know. I won’t go into another rant about how everything Hello Kitty is the “cutest ever”)

The Epson A4 Hello Kitty Monogrammed Laptop weighs in at 3 kilograms, comes with Windows Vista installed, has an 80GB hard drive with 1GB of memory and a Celeron M 430 (1.73 GHz) chip all for $1,640 (189,000 Yen).

I’m coming to the conclusion that Sanrio employees are monitoring this blog and coming up with these new Hello Kitty items as part of a concerted effort to make my Hello Kitty Hell more hellish. It’s seems quite convenient that after my post about the Hello Kitty wedding rings and how I may have to find an alternative for them, these computers appear for the exact same price. Par for the course in Hello Kitty Hell…

While I have no doubt that Hello Kitty will eventually come out with a limited edition Apple iBook (much like the Hello Kitty iPod mini) to compete against the Hello Kitty NEC Lavie G laptop computer, Hello Kitty fanatics aren’t that patient. They need to get their Hello Kitty fix this very second and if they own an Apple iBook, they accomplish this with the Hello Kitty Apple iBook computer skin:

While I must admit that this is a rather reserved Hello Kittification (I mean, look at how some Hello Kitty fanatics mod their notebooks), you have to view any Hello Kittification as a harbinger of bad things to come (and that eventually means something that leaves you thinking WTF?!? as the Hello Kitty fanatics squeal with delight).

This is a classic Hello Kitty Hell teaser. It’s bad – enough to make non Hello Kitty fanatics cringe at the thought — but since it is obvious it is only the tip of the iceberg of what’s to come, we aren’t sure whether to be relieved or desperately sick…

Thanks to bethany who really should be required to use nothing but Hello Kitty computers for the rest of her life for showing me this…

Update

Left by Jessica on Facebook

Yikes! It seems that my wife doesn’t want me to only suffer in Hello Kitty Hell in this world, but also in a virtual Hello Kitty world (yes, you read that correctly…I’ll excuse you as you run to the bathroom and vomit). Somehow my wife thinks that because I spend most of my day on the computer that I would “love” to be part of a Hello Kitty online community game where “thousands of players that live and participate in Hello Kitty’s magical and cute online world.”

Send over the Hello Kitty table setting so I can stab Hello Kitty forks into my eyes and slash my wrists with Hello Kitty knives because that would be infinitely less painful that having to deal with thousands of Hello Kitty fanatics in a virtual world (although I think it would be a great place for the Hello Kitty whiners to gather instead of on this blog). Sit back and make sure any device that could be used to harm yourself is well out of reach before reading this game description:

Hello Kitty and friends welcome you to the exciting and fantastic Hello Kitty World! This is the first-ever online game platform featuring the all-time-favorite Hello Kitty characters from Sanrio!

Hello Kitty World will allow thousands of players to live and participate in Hello Kitty’s magical and cute online world. You will be able to roam the streets of Kitty Kingdom, XO Federation, and Melody-land. Enjoy the beautiful landscape and architecture of Puroland or Badtzcity and participate in numerous puzzles, story lines, or adventures lead by the worldwide community of Hello Kitty World subscribers. You can even have a successful career, open different shops, earn and spend Sanrio Dollars in your bank, buy a house, and trade with other players around the vast game world.

In the beginning of the game, there are three countries: Kitty Kingdom, XO Federation, and Melody-land. Each country has three cities, its own architecture style, and specialized products.

Kitty Kingdom is a humanity country with a wealth of beautiful arts and crafts.

XO Federation is a modern country with the updated and blatant entertainment facilities.

Melody-land is a country with beautiful landscape and rich natural resources.

Players may travel between countries and cities by plane, ship, car or train. Players can also adventure in the game world for many theme parks, hidden ancient relics, and other interesting findings. Since each country specializes in the production of only certain products, Players in each country will be encourage to trade and exchange products with other Players. The three countries will compete with each other in terms of trade, sports and academic. Starting the game at the same point, the fate and prosperity of each country lies in the hands of the Players living in the country.

I already know the fate of our world — if games like this are actually dreamed up as being a good way to spend time, we are all doomed to Hello Kitty Hell…

Thanks to fishy kitty for the link who should have to spend the rest of her life in the Hello Kitty virtual world as punishment…

Update: If there was any doubt about how Hello Kitty sees herself, this should dispell that — also from the game:

These Sanrio characters are the only ones not controlable by you. They are the main theme and “God” of one Nation. For example, in Hello Kitty World, Hello Kitty reigns supreme as the overseer of the land. With her guidance, love and happiness is abound and people are able to live in the cute land of Kitty Kingdom in Hello Kitty World. Hello Kitty will be there during your important occasions to bless and help you. Hello Kitty will also arrive to give guidance and new missions to residents of her world.

My wife loves to show me how Hello Kitty is embraced by computer geeks. Even though I know little about computers, since I make my living on the Internet, she thinks that somehow if she shows me enough Hello Kitty computers products that I will somehow instantaneously see the light and become a Hello Kitty fanatic.

Most Hello Kitty computer products are aimed at female computer users. There aren’t a lot of men in Silicon Valley that would be willing to take a Hello Kitty laptop to work. I cringe when I have to use a Hello Kitty usb flash drive. It appears, however, that Hello Kitty is trying to expand her domain…

If anyone had any doubt that Hello Kitty was trying to take over everything, this should erase all doubt. It would seem that the least likely people to adopt Hello Kitty fanaticism would be computer geeks, but not just any computer geeks. Hello Kitty is even stretching her tentacles to go after the hardcore Linux computer geek crowd in an attempt to convert them to the Hello Kitty linux dark side:

Of course, my wife made me download the gdm theme in her attempt to make my computer become more Hello Kittified. Another typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Thanks to hklinux who should be ostracized from the linux computer community for eternity for having a username like that

This exactly what I didn’t need to have arrive in my email box. My wife took one look at it and that was it…

She has to have it. The cost is 199,500 yen or approximately $1650. Called the Lavie G Hello Kitty Model and made by NEC, the crystallized Hello Kitty on the front makes me want to puke. My wife plans on getting it in the morning and my biggest fear is that she is going to get me one too since I have been saying I need a new laptop. Wouldn’t that be the ultimate Hello Kitty Hell since working on the computer is my job…

Thanks to Amanda who should have to use one of them for her entire working career.