One mans hell with cute overload
In today’s political climate, there seems to be very little that conservatives and liberals can agree upon. At first glance, there could be nothing worse in conservative minds than the reelection of Obama, while liberal cringe at the thought of a president Romney. But the reality is that there is one things which we can all can agree would be the worst thing possible no matter your party affiliation:
Just when you think that everything that could possibly be branded with the evil feline, something else ends up in my email box. Once again, Star Wars fans die a little inside with the Hello Kitty Tie Fighter
If there was ever a doubt (which there certainly shouldn’t exist at this point) that the evil feline was willing to do absolutely anything to earn a buck (do we really need to revisit the whole Hello Kitty vibrator incident?), we now have an additional piece of evidence: The Hello Kitty Chia Pet — seriously, you can’t make this crap up…
Well, I guess if you’re going to go into a zombie fight against the evil feline (which is undoubtedly how the world will end, because there is simply nothing that could be more terrifying than the Hello Kitty apocalypse), you are going to need to prepare yourself against more than a Hello Kitty chainsaw since you know you will be fighting horrors like this and this. Obviously, the Hello Kitty hatchet will be their weapon of choice when they come after you at a short distance:
One of the most disturbing aspects of living in Hello Kitty Hell is that it becomes painfully obvious that the people at Sanrio truly believe that if they simply put a bow on anything, this makes that thing cute. That, and the overwhelming fact that they simply can’t leave bad ideas alone, but feel it necessary to double down on them. By doing so, they make what any rational person would believe were the worst possible creations somehow even more disturbing.
So it really should not come as a surprise that at a recent Hello Kitty exhibit that a Hello Kitty toilet would be featured. Of course, the evil feline couldn’t simply leave it at that. Instead, she decided that since there seemed to be so much interest in Hello kitty poo (including in toothpaste form) that it would be cute to leave some with a bow on it in the Hello Kitty toilet (seriously, you can’t make these things up)
I swear the people at Sanrio aren’t even trying anymore. They are sitting in their office cubicles and seem to be actively trying to figure out something so ridiculously stupid that not even Hello Kitty fanatics will buy it. Of course, they are failing miserably at this mission.
Seriously, this really shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s already been well established that Hello Kitty will do whatever it takes to make a buck even if that means combining two previously terrible ideas together to form something that undoubtedly signals the coming of the end of the world. I have already had my run-ins with the wife concerning Hello Kitty toilet paper. Then the was the partnership between the evil feline and KISS which only confirmed that Sanrio has a special knack for making others sell-out in the biggest way possible. Any normal person would have stopped in complete embarrassment at that point, but that’s not how things work in Hello Kitty Hell. Instead, the people at Sanrio came up with the “brilliant” idea to combine these two failures to produce Hello Kitty KISS toilet paper:
While I am pretty sure that all Hello Kitty fanatics are going to deeply regret their tattoos, there are definitely some that are going to regret them more than others. My guess is that this Hello Kitty face tattoo is one that is going to fall into the category of “more than others.”
It has already been well established that the evil feline is more than willing to pimp out anything that she feels will earn her a buck and that Hello Kitty loves her booze, so I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised by this. It seems that a single type of Hello Kitty vodka is not enough — and apparently not kid friendly enough as well. Thus the introduction of Hello Kitty Pink Goose vodka:
I don’t know why I hope that the evil feline will somehow come to her senses and leave her already terrible ideas alone so that the world can have at least a bit of sanity. She proves time and again that she doesn’t know how to leave a bad idea alone. It was horrific enough when Hello Kitty condoms appeared, but apparently the people at Sanrio decided that they needed something a little more. Their solution was Hello Kitty flavored condoms:
What do you get from a want-to-be TV reality star teen (Courtney Stodden) who marries a 51-year-old actor (Doug Hutchison)? You get a video like this which Courtney obviously thinks is “cute” (how can you not think that as she coughs up a hairball?) but should help purge your stomach of all if its contents with ease (warning: this video can’t be unseen)