One mans hell with cute overload
For some unfathomable reason, Hello Kitty fanatics feel that it’s appropriate to send me photos of their Hello Kitty collections. Believe me, opening an email filled with photos of a Hello Kitty collection is probably one of the most hellish things that one can ever experience, especially early in the morning or just after a meal. This Hello Kitty T Shirt collection left me nauseated for the rest of the week:
It was probably inevitable. Once the Hello Kitty pregnant belly art made an appearance, it was simply a matter of time before someone felt the incomprehensible urge to ruin my day by sending me a full set of Hello Kitty body paint photos. Unfortunately, that day has come:
The problem with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that there isn’t a season that is safe. The Hello Kitty bikini ensures that I have absolutely no desire for summer to arrive, but then things like Hello Kitty ear muffs (almost as bad as the Hello Kitty hat and mittens) get sent to me and it’s obvious that it’s high time for winter to be over:
You knew it was simply a matter of time. With Hello Kitty retainers and Hello Kitty braces was there ever really any doubt? I even mentioned it when the Hello Kitty tooth came to my attention that it it was inevitable that at some point there would be a Hello Kitty grill:
When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, you always have to be extra careful what you wish for. I was imagining how it would be absolutely wonderful when winter is over and the warm weather is once again upon us. Then this Hello Kitty bikini monstrosity landed in my email proving that exile to Antarctica would be far less painful than having to endure a summer of having to look at Hello Kitty bead bikinis:
When it comes to Hello Kitty fanatics, you can be pretty sure that their unfortunate obsession includes shoes. It doesn’t matter if they are Hello Kitty Reeboks, Hello Kitty Nikes, Hello Kitty Asics or the infamous Hello Kitty Converse (seriously folks, over 300 comments mostly from fanatics whining) — and that is not to mention the Hello Kitty heels or Hello Kitty bowling shoes. So it really shouldn’t be a surprise that someone out there, in their completely deluded logic, thought that a pair of Hello Kitty Toms would be a good idea:
Hello Kitty has already started producing Hello Kitty mind altering chemicals (Yes, she also makes this and this which is what probably first came to mind when I mentioned mind altering chemicals), so it makes perfect sense that they would want to profit from this by selling Hello Kitty gas masks as well:
Every time it gets to the point where I believe that things can never get worse, the evil feline makes sure to let me know that Hello Kitty Hell can always get worse. It is distressing (and more than a little disturbing) that I still have people asking me where they can find Hello Kitty Converse shoes 4 years after first posting about them (not to mention Hello Kitty fanatics wishing me dead for refusing to tell them where my wife got them).
Once the people at Sanrio saw all the fuss these were causing, they decided that Hello Kitty x shoes was an impossible to lose combination which lead to unfortunate creations such as Hello Kitty Asics shoes, Hello Kitty Reebok shoes and Hello Kitty Nike shoes (not to mention Hello Kitty bowling shoes and Hello Kitty heels)
Any normal person would imagine that Sanrio had fully exploited this combo, but it now appears that they have just started by adding another horrifying aspect to the mix. Instead of leaving bad enough alone at Hello Kitty x Reebok, the powers driving Hello Kitty Hell decided that to really torture most of us, a Hello Kitty x Reebok x plush combination was somehow a good idea:
You know it’s going to be an extraordinarily terrible holiday season when it begins with Hello Kitty nails being made worse than all the examples already out there (something that any normal person would assume would be impossible). Then again, one thing I have learned over the years is to never underestimate how bad Hello Kitty can make things, especially when you believe you have seen the worst. Thus, it should be of little surprise that someone thought that Hello Kitty Halloween nails would be a good idea:
This is exactly how my wife thinks all women should dress (seriously) and why she looks forward to Halloween so much. It certainly doesn’t help that she is a huge Rie Miyazawa fan as well which means I have to watch this commercial over and over and over again.