While I hate virtually all the Hello Kitty email that I receive, I especially hate emails that give my wife ideas that she hasn’t thought about before. For example, Hello Kitty hair:
Strange
Hello Kitty Computer Case Mod
It’s not enough that Hello Kitty comes out with a new Hello Kittified computer every few months and more Hello Kitty computer accessories than is healthy for anyone that can still refer to themselves sane to have, but of course that is not enough for the true Hello Kitty fanatics. They have to go out and Hello Kittify their computer themselves like this Hello Kitty case mod:
Hello Kitty Military Patch
It was bound to happen. If you are in the military and are out patrolling putting your life on the line, you want to have the scariest uniform possible for the enemy to see. Something so damn scary that one look at it and the enemy hauls ass in the opposite direction as quickly as possible. There is only one thing in this world that can universally produce such a reaction, so it’s no surprise to see some soldiers in the military adopting the Hello Kitty military patch:
Hello Kitty Babies Scarred for Life
What’s worse than going to a Hello Kitty Hospital to have a baby delivered? Being the baby that is delivered in the Hello Kitty hospital:
Hello Kitty Skeleton Tattoo (with bow)
This is why I hate living in Hello Kitty Hell. Any normal person would assume that an anatomically correct Hello kitty skeleton wouldn’t exist. Being in Hello kitty Hell, I unfortunately have to learn that such a Hello Kitty anatomically correct tattoo does exist. Even the most jaded person would assume that this insanity would end there, but that would not be giving due credit to the true nature of Hello Kitty fanatics. What would make a Hello Kitty skeleton tattoo even more Hello Kitty like? Well, a Hello Kitty skeleton tattoo with bow of course:
Hello Kitty Skeleton Tattoo
There’s no escaping Hello Kitty even when on vacation, but those stories of unbearable torture will have to wait while I try to clear my email of 2 weeks of Hello Kitty crap sent my way. As I try to ease myself back into this nightmare that has become my life, I’ve chosen the least offensive of the many new Hello Kitty tattoos to make their way to my inbox – the Hello Kitty skeleton tattoo:
Hello Kitty Desk
You really don’t know Hello Kitty Hell until a true Hello Kitty fanatic is in your presence on a daily basis. Imagine, for instance, that you had a co-worker that was a Hello Kitty fanatic. You might be saying to yourself, “oh, I know someone that likes the evil feline” but they really aren’t a Hello Kitty fanatic unless they have decorated their desk like this:
Hello Kitty Costume Gone Horribly Wrong
There are way too many people that dress up as Hello Kitty, but Hello Kitty costumes take on new dimensions of horror when they interpret the evil feline like this:
Hello Kitty Cheeky Tattoo 2 (NSFW)
Sometimes I get up, open my email and realize that it would just be better to crawl back into the Hello Kitty futon and sleep for the entire week. This is the problem with Hello Kitty fanatics. They do things like get a tattoo of Hello Kitty on their ass and then send me a photo of it completely ruining my eating for the rest of the week since I can’t keep any food down. But that is not enough. They just can’t seem to leave something so horribly wrong alone. Instead, they feel the need to double the horror by taking what is already a sign that all is not right in the world and moving it to an entirely new level. Even worse, they feel compelled to send me a photo of it:
Happy Birthday Hello Kitty! Ouch…
In celebration of Hello Kitty’s 34th birthday (kind of sad I have this information in my brain – by the way, aren’t cats supposed to die after 15 years or so?) I figured I should show what the evil feline means to me…
