Strange – Page 36 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Pizza

January 28, 2008 by onezero

I made a comment in one of my previous posts that Hello Kitty is on everything except pizza and beer and that in time, she will probably be on those too. Well, it seems that one of those can be crossed off the list with the introduction of Hello Kitty pizza:

There aren’t many things in life that can stop me from eating pizza, but this is one of them. There is something seriously wrong in the world when pizza is being made in the shape of the evil feline’s head with a slab of mystery meat as her bow.

Of course, this plays right into my wife’s ultimate goal of serving only Hello Kitty food and she is already searching the local stores to see if we can get some to try. Yet one more reason to note that things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Andrea who really should have to eat only Hello Kitty food for the rest of her life for thinking that it could in any way be a good idea to bring this to my wife’s attention.

Update: Even after all this, people think that attempts at Hello Kitty pizza is a good idea:

Sent in by Gloria

Sent in by joe (via capitu)

Sent in my renaldo

Sent in by sally

Sent in by Amy

Hello Kitty Humiliation – Photo of Horror 3

January 23, 2008 by onezero

It’s my nightmare come true. No other words needed…

Left in the comments by Suzanne who says “My boyfriend dressed up in Hello Kitty stuff, but its only because the messageboard he visits had a thread called humiliating photos of yourself you wouldn’t want people to see so we took some photos” (it’s seems that he succeeded quite well and probably more than he ever anticipated since his girlfriend is leaving them on blogs like mine – someone is going to have a hard time leaving the house for awhile). Of course, this fails to address the reason why all the Hello Kitty crap was available in the first place…

Hello Kitty XM8 Rifle

January 22, 2008 by onezero

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

Hello Kitty has obviously decided that there is money to be made as a military arms supplier with all the Hello Kitty firepower (Hello Kitty hand guns – Hello Kitty AR 15 – Hello Kitty assault rifle – Hello Kitty AK-47) that she has been assembling lately. The latest edition to this firepower onslaught is the Hello Kitty XM8 Rifle:

The evil feline not only wants to create everything in her image, she’s also intent on arming the entire world in her style (hey, where there is a buck to be made….) which pretty much where anyone living in Hello Kitty Hell thought she would be headed. It won’t be long before you see those “The Few, The Proud, The Marines” commercials with a “sponsored by Hello Kitty” in the corner.

With this latest entry, I even had to create a new category of Hello Kitty Guns – how damn scary is that? And just another indication of how Hello Kitty Hell continues to expand…

Sent in by Brittany who should suffer some intolerable torture for even considering for a split second that sending me this photo would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Assault Rifle (update)

January 18, 2008 by onezero

And onto the original post…

There are far too many readers of this blog that have way too much time on their hands if the amount of people who sent me photos of the Hello Kitty AR-15 assault rifle (which I mentioned previously) is any indication. Apparently a lot of people thought it was a photoshop job, so to prove it wasn’t he took photos of it with his wife using it at the firing range.

No doubt that the military will be carrying these around soon. Seriously, I can’t think of anything more terrifying?

Sent in by 27 different readers (including the owner of riflegear), all of whom should have the wrath of Hello Kitty Hell fall down upon them for even thinking for a split second that it would be wise to send me this photo…

Update: A smiling Hello Kitty fanatic with an assault rifle really should be the definition of “scary” for the dictionary…

Sent in by prlemph

Hello Kitty Hot and Sexy

January 17, 2008 by onezero

I’ve grown used to getting email from Hello Kitty fans that take issue with my disgust of Hello Kitty to the point that they even wish death upon me, but this email was a change of pace. It is the first time I have received an email telling me that I don’t appreciate the “sexiness” and “hotness” of Hello Kitty:

in your hello kitty daze of hate, you fail to realize that hello kitty is the sexiest thing ever. there is nothing hotter than a girl dressed in only a hello kitty t-shirt and panties. Check these out!! hello kitty in all her sexiness. there is no way that you can say you hate hello kitty after seeing these!!

Here are the photos attached with the email:

Despite the urgings of the email, I still found myself in the bathroom relieving myself of caloric intake from the afternoon meal. There is something very wrong when Hello Kitty and sex appeal mix that should be obvious, but apparently some people don’t see. Furthermore, if it is Hello Kitty that is turning you on and not the woman herself, then you have created your own Hello Kitty Hell.

But in all fairness, I will let the readers judge since I do live in Hello Kitty Hell which does tend to warp perceptions when everything comes to you in shades of pink. Do these photos, because of the Hello Kitty theme, mean that Hello Kitty doesn’t have to be Hell or is this simply another attempt by the evil feline to brainwash every last soul into thinking that there can be times when Hello Kitty “isn’t all that bad?”

Sent in by greg who deserves to spend his life with a Hello Kitty fanatic for thinking that sending me these photos would be a good idea or that they would somehow relieve me from Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Darth Vader Tattoo

January 16, 2008 by onezero

It was bound to happen because, as regular readers well know, this is Hello Kitty Hell and that means there is no limit when it comes to Hello Kittification. It also means that common decency is suspended and the sacrilege event of mixing Hello Kitty with other pop culture icons –which should not happen in the worst of nightmares — is common place. With a Hello Kitty Darth Vader and a Hello Kitty stormtrooper tattoo already in existence, it was only a matter of time before the Hello Kitty Darth Vader tattoo would appear:

There isn’t a lot more to say about this other than it’s wrong…just completely wrong…which, when you think about it, pretty much sums up Hello Kitty Hell in its entirety…

Sent in by tattoo artist Brian from Youngstown, Ohio (via a painting from Nick) who once again deserves the worst of the worst (and possibly a Hello Kitty tattoo of his own) for thinking in any way, shape, or form that sending this to me was a good idea…

Hello Kitty Toilet Sign

January 11, 2008 by onezero

What is it about Hello Kitty and toilets? She has a whole line of Hello Kitty toilet paper and while it really didn’t surprise me that there was a Hello Kitty toilet, the Hello Kitty urinal target and Hello Kitty electronic toilet paper dispenser simply confirmed that the evil feline likes her face everywhere. Then, of course, there is our disaster of a bathroom. So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that there are also Hello Kitty (and Dear Daniel) toilet signs:

As a man, the Hello Kittification of my bodily functions is extremely disturbing. No matter what remedies Hello Kitty tries, it’s never going to be “cute” and there’s really no reason to pretend it ever could be. Of course, my wife doesn’t believe that for a second (but then the Japanese have buttons on their toilets that make a flushing noise so that you can’t hear bodily functions as well – it won’t surprise me if the Hello Kitty theme song replaces these flushing noises someday).

It’s bad enough (and obviously a sign that there’s something terribly wrong in the world) when a man can’t sit down to take a dump without Hello Kitty all around, but now we actually have Hello Kitty telling us where to do so…which pretty much sums up Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by deniz and brightspring, both of who should have to live with Hello Kitty bathrooms as bad as mine for the rest of their lives for even considering it would be a good idea to send me these photos…

Hello Kitty Motorcycle Honda NSR

January 10, 2008 by onezero

It’s when I receive emails like this, it’s going to be a bad day in Hello Kitty Hell (then again, can there ever really be a “good” day when your life is surrounded by the evil feline?) because I know the reaction of my wife will be the complete opposite of mine. Unwritten rules in Hello Kitty Hell state that the Hello Kitty fanatic will love a Hello Kitty item in direct inverse of how much the husband despises it. So I already knew what her reaction was going to be the second I saw this Hello Kitty Honda NSR motorcycle:

First, why would someone ever do that to a nice piece of machinery? I guess that’s a question that you can really ask about anything that has been Hello Kittified, but a motorcycle? The main problem with this is that I’ve been thinking about getting a motorcycle, with the number one attribute being that there aren’t Hello Kitty motorcycles, so the last thing I needed to show up in my email box was a Pepto-Bismol tinted, blinged out Hello Kitty motorcycle model to give my wife the idea that this would be a good thing to get.

Of course, my wife adores it. She’s been full out against the motorcycle idea as she stumped for the Hello Kitty scooter as being a better choice, but did a 100% about face upon seeing this. “Oh, if you get that motorcycle, I don’t have a problem…”

Somehow, a 6 foot 3 inch foreigner riding around in Japan on this with a Hello Kitty helmet seems like a good excuse for the police to shoot me as a suspected terrorist (I mean, seriously, wouldn’t you expect a terrorist to be using things like this on his final mission to really bring fear into the Japanese people?). All I know is my dream of having transportation free of Hello Kitty is quickly fading away and another reminder that Hello Kitty Hell can always get worse…

Sent in by Lexmj who noted, “I saw this horrendous motorcycle while visiting this particular motorshop for repairs…I really felt that it scares the spirit of riding outta this bike. I hope it won’t cause nightmares to you as it did to me, really dampens my passion for riding whenever I thought of it” which, of course, is exactly what he accomplished by sending this too me and therefore should have to ride that thing everyday for the rest of his life as punishment…

Jesus Tattoo

January 9, 2008 by onezero

It just never stops. When I listed the first set of Hello Kitty Tattoos, I naively thought that the topic wouldn’t come up again. It didn’t take long for the Hello Kitty Star Wars Storm Trooper tattoo to appear, then the Hello Kitty Batman tattoo which I, again, thought would put things to an end. But then there was the Hello Kitty zombie tattoo and then Hello Kitty zombie II tattoo. I felt those were never gong to be able to be topped until I saw the Hello Kitty scarification which pretty much clinched the title in my opinion, but alas, things always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

I know you read the title of this post and were shaking your head in disbelief even before you looked at what I have written. You thought that I was exaggerating to draw you into the blog because there is no way in Hell (Hello Kitty or otherwise) that anyone would ever get a Hello Kitty Jesus tattoo. Hello Kitty fanatics are wacko, but there is a line even they will not cross, right? See, I have had that delusion too, but it always proves to be wrong because fanatics of the evil feline don’t know what a line looks like that shouldn’t be crossed. Thus, the Hello Kitty Jesus tattoo:

No problem, I’m more than happy to wait a few minutes while you clean up the mess on your computer screen and keyboard before writing more. Take your time and make sure that all food and drink have been expelled from your stomach before attempting to look again. No, it’s not a problem that you need to run to the bathroom again because while cleaning up you noticed that it really does say “Hello Kitty is my Jesus” – I’ve already been there and understand that the food just won’t stay down…

Each year I look at what Hello Kitty Hell the previous year provided and have a small glimmer of hope that things can’t get any worse. I pat myself on the back for surviving another year without gouging my eyes out with Hello Kitty forks (or spoons or chopsticks or basically any utensil since they have all been Hello Kittified) due to all the Hello Kitty that surrounds me and imagine that the worst is surely over. Then within the first two weeks of the New Year, something like this ends up in my mailbox to remind me that Hello Kitty Hell can always get worse and 2008 is going to bring unbearable amounts of Hello Kitty pain…

Sent in by tattoo artist Brian from Youngstown, Ohio who deserves the worst of the worst that Hello Kitty can offer for not only thinking for a second that it was a good idea to send this photo to me, but for also giving notice of what 2008 is going to be like in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Head For People

January 8, 2008 by onezero

You knew that Sanrio and the evil feline wouldn’t be able to leave it alone with cats and more cats and dogs. They simply figured that if Hello Kitty fanatics were willing to torture their pets with these Hello Kitty heads, they would be more than willing to do it to themselves (even if it isn’t Halloween). Now the average person would say, “Wait a minute here. Hello Kitty fanatics are fanatical, but even they wouldn’t be so fanatical as to want a Hello Kitty head to wear on there head.” This, of course, is why Sanrio is a multi-billion dollar company and non fanatics are shaking their heads in amazement with only a few dollars in their pockets wondering if there could ever be an end to this:

Sometimes a picture says it all and there is nothing left to do in Hello Kitty Hell than to weep and hope the nightmare ends…

Left by emma-chan in the comments who I should wish unthinkable torture upon for even thinking it was a good idea to leave this photo for me to see, but who is obviously torturing herself far more than I could ever even imagine…