Vehicle – Page 5 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Ferris Wheel

February 1, 2008 by onezero

I always know when I receive photos like these that it’s going to be another Hello Kitty Hellish day. It’s not like my wife doesn’t already have a hundred Hello Kitty reasons to want to visit Taiwan. Between the Hello Kitty plane and airport, the Hello Kitty hotel, the Hello Kitty pastry shop and Hello Kitty hospital, there are already far too many reasons to go there for my taste, but then Hello Kitty can never stop at anything. Thus, another attraction to add to my wife’s list is the Hello Kitty Ferris wheel:

My wife somehow thinks that a ride in a Hello Kitty Ferris wheel would be romantic (but then for some reason, all Hello Kitty fanatics think anything Hello Kitty is romantic). The fact is, there is nothing that would be less romantic than having to ride in around and around inside the bowels of the evil while people all around scream in high pitched voices about how “cute” the entirely disgusting scene is. Unfortunately, this has been added to her Hello kitty travel list, so I will undoubtedly get to experience the torture first hand someday in the future which only increases the torment here in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Sherry who should have to live the rest of her life trapped in one of those Ferris wheel compartments for even thinking for a second that sending these photos to me would be a good idea….

Hello Kitty Motorcycle Honda NSR

January 10, 2008 by onezero

It’s when I receive emails like this, it’s going to be a bad day in Hello Kitty Hell (then again, can there ever really be a “good” day when your life is surrounded by the evil feline?) because I know the reaction of my wife will be the complete opposite of mine. Unwritten rules in Hello Kitty Hell state that the Hello Kitty fanatic will love a Hello Kitty item in direct inverse of how much the husband despises it. So I already knew what her reaction was going to be the second I saw this Hello Kitty Honda NSR motorcycle:

First, why would someone ever do that to a nice piece of machinery? I guess that’s a question that you can really ask about anything that has been Hello Kittified, but a motorcycle? The main problem with this is that I’ve been thinking about getting a motorcycle, with the number one attribute being that there aren’t Hello Kitty motorcycles, so the last thing I needed to show up in my email box was a Pepto-Bismol tinted, blinged out Hello Kitty motorcycle model to give my wife the idea that this would be a good thing to get.

Of course, my wife adores it. She’s been full out against the motorcycle idea as she stumped for the Hello Kitty scooter as being a better choice, but did a 100% about face upon seeing this. “Oh, if you get that motorcycle, I don’t have a problem…”

Somehow, a 6 foot 3 inch foreigner riding around in Japan on this with a Hello Kitty helmet seems like a good excuse for the police to shoot me as a suspected terrorist (I mean, seriously, wouldn’t you expect a terrorist to be using things like this on his final mission to really bring fear into the Japanese people?). All I know is my dream of having transportation free of Hello Kitty is quickly fading away and another reminder that Hello Kitty Hell can always get worse…

Sent in by Lexmj who noted, “I saw this horrendous motorcycle while visiting this particular motorshop for repairs…I really felt that it scares the spirit of riding outta this bike. I hope it won’t cause nightmares to you as it did to me, really dampens my passion for riding whenever I thought of it” which, of course, is exactly what he accomplished by sending this too me and therefore should have to ride that thing everyday for the rest of his life as punishment…

Hello Kitty Car License Plate Thingy

January 3, 2008 by onezero

I’ve been avoiding writing about our car lately because, basically, it’s slowly becoming a Hello Kitty pimped out nightmare. It has gotten to the point where I don’t even bother locking it anymore because there is absolutely no way anyone in their right mind would ever consider stealing it. Now my wife is adding Hello Kitty themed things that must have been invented for the specific purpose of placing Hello Kitty on them because they don’t even have a name like these Hello Kitty car license plate thingies:

Your eyes don’t deceive you. These are Hello Kittified covers for the screws that hold on your license plate. You know that the evil feline has pretty much put her face on everything when Sanrio has to begin making up products just so they have more things to sell. It’s even worse when my wife starts to buy these things because the car has been so Hello Kittified that there is nothing else — another typical day living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Car License Plate

December 8, 2007 by onezero

There really should be some kind of law that people can’t get personalized license plates like this:

Of course, my wife wants one for our always increasingly Hello Kitty pimped out car (I’ve been avoiding writing about it lately because it is getting so depressing), but luck is on my side on this one — they currently don’t offer personalized license plates in Japan. Of course, the minute they do, we all know what’s going to happen…

Sent in by Jo “Hello Kitty” Cook — I should wish a terrible act would fall upon her for even thinking it was a good idea to send this to me like I usually do, but I really can’t think of anything worse than changing your name to “Hello Kitty” …

It was bound to happen — because after all this is Hello Kitty Hell — this showed up in my email immediately after posting this (which just goes to show that way too many Hello Kitty fanatics read this blog…):

From Nicola

Hello Kitty Swarovski Crystal Covered Bike

December 5, 2007 by onezero

It’s when I receive emails like this that I know it’s really going to be a Hello Kitty Hell day. I’ve noticed a growing trend of Hello Kitty fanatics modding their stuff so that they can have the only (and most expensive) of that certain kind of item. Thus it was not a surprise (although it still made me want to run to the toilet) when this arrived in me email box:

I’m not sure what it is with Hello Kitty and Swarovski crystals, but this is definitely a Hello Kitty fanatic thing (see my wife’s modded cell phone). I think that Sanrio and Swarovski have secretly teamed up after discovering some special region of the brain in Hello Kitty fanatics which goes into overdrive when the two are combined while the rest of us normal folks are left staring at stinging bling that makes us want to cut our eyes out because doing so would be less painful.

What’s worse is the Hello Kitty fanatic is totally proud of this monstrosity:

I got the most expensive Hello Kitty bike on the planet! I spent one year covering my Hello Kitty bike in Swarovski crystals. Literally thousands of dollars were spent and it has approximately 50,000 crystals on it.

Yep, that pretty well sums up a Hello Kitty fanatic. Of course, my wife loves it. “It shines and sparkles bringing Hello Kitty brightness wherever she goes. Isn’t that wonderful?” I was tempted to answer, but decided that now that winter is here, it’s no fun to sleep alone on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag…

Sent in by Dottie who should have the the good fortune to have this pimped out contraption stolen, but who is safe with it because I can’t imagine that anyone (including the worst criminal elements) would ever want to be seen with something like that…

Hello Kitty Car Rims

September 19, 2007 by onezero

I have avoided talking about our car and the continual Hello Kittification of it lately. The reason is simple. The damn thing just freaks me out more and more every time I look at it. All those little Hello Kitty modifications add up over time and it’s embarrassing to be seen in it. It’s not going to be long before my wife orders a pink paint job on the thing which will be the end of me ever riding in it (even though I opt to walk now if possible). Just to give you a glimpse of where it’s heading, my wife told me that she wanted to buy Hello Kitty car rims for it:

No, your eyes do not deceive you. There are people out there that believe that Hello Kitty car rims are “the cutest thing ever” such as my wife. She thinks that these aluminum rims will add the perfect touch to our car for a mere $900 (105,000 Yen) and be the perfect compliment to the Hello Kitty exhaust pipe. She especially likes that the spokes on the rims have different Hello Kitty expressions including a normal expression, a surprised expression and a winking Kitty. I’m surprised that Sanrio just didn’t go with the classic 1974 version that appears to be flipping you off because that would be much more appropriate for these. The worst part? It’s all part of a normal day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Update: And, yes, it can get worse…

Sent in by stellis

Sent in by Halley

Sent in by Brian

Hello Kitty Armoured Personnel Carrier

July 19, 2007 by onezero

It seems that Sanrio has teamed up with the military to bring the scariest military vehicle that anyone could imagine:

Hello Kitty, in her quest at world domination, has moved up from the Hello Kitty Ferrari and other Hello Kitty cars and is now producing armoured personnel carriers for the Army (although this is a photoshopped model of what is to come). My wife loves the idea. “If everyone drove around in Hello Kitty vehicles like that, there would only be love and peace in the world.”

It’s hard to argue with logic like that except for the fact that the casualty rate would likely be much higher if the Army started exclusively using these. The Hello Kitty armoured personnel carrier would effectively nauseate the enemy into submission with many of them killing themselves to avoid the extreme pain. I know that’s exactly what I would end up doing…

Photo courtesy of SofaShark from his flickr photos

Hello Kitty Car Exhaust Pipe

June 20, 2007 by onezero

It had to happen (I was just praying that it happened after I had already died). My wife finally found and purchased a Hello Kitty exhaust pipe for our car in her attempt to Hello Kittify all our transportation:

Way too many people have sent me in this photo

(don’t you all have better things to do than to try and make my life more Hello Kitty Hellish?) and for awhile I managed to convince my wife that it was another photoshop job, but as usual, she finally managed to track the real thing down. A typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Update: Unfortunately, it seems the evil feline has decided to expand this line:

Sent in by anonymous

Hello Kitty Bicycle Tire

April 8, 2007 by onezero

There are things that you begin to expect when you live in Hello Kitty Hell. You take for granted that standard items are going to come in a Hello Kitty edition. If they make a Hello Kitty car, it seems pretty obvious they also make a Hello Kitty bicycle:

But Hello Kitty is never satisfied with merely coming in obvious forms. She always takes it a step further by placing her face on items that make you stop and wonder what the hell was someone thinking?!?

Then it dawns on you that the person who thought of that knew that there were Hello Kitty fanatics in the world and even though it makes absolutely no sense at all, it will become a best seller and make them a lot of money. Unfortunately, part of those riches are coming from my wife.

wife: “If we get those tires, then we can ride through the mud and we can leave a trail of Hello Kitty where ever we go!”

me: … (unable to utter a sound as I think of how utterly disgusting that thought is)

It seems appropriate in Hello Kitty Hell that Hello Kitty would leave a trail of herself everywhere we went. While that may be a dream for a Hello Kitty fanatic, it is just one more confirmation that no matter how bad you think Hello Kitty Hell can get, there is always something around the corner to remind you the worst is yet to come (it is only a matter of time before they start making Hello Kitty tires for cars…)

I believe that compound punishment should be bestowed when a guy, as in this case with zbicyclist, sends me Hello Kitty photos…there is something very wrong when Hello Kitty Hell takes a step in that direction.

Hello Kitty iPod Car Charger & FM Transmitter

April 5, 2007 by onezero

Yikes! It’s bad enough that my wife is slowly turning our car into the Hello Kitty mobile, but now she is getting interested in Hello Kitty car accessories that mold the home and the car together. That can mean nothing except more Hello Kitty Hell in my life. It certainly doesn’t help that readers keep sending me photos of Hello Kitty stuff (come on people, it isn’t like she is lacking in enough Hello Kitty crap to look at already) that once she sees, she naturally (in the distorted and twisted Hello Kitty way) wants — the latest being this Hello Kitty iPod car recharger:

Hello Kitty iPod car recharger and transmitter

Mind you, she still doesn’t even have an iPod (“I’m waiting for a Hello Kitty edition”). That she firmly believes that a Hello Kitty iPod will be available soon scares me in itself, but an even bigger fear is that an iPod will be purchased even without Hello Kitty. Too many Hello Kitty iPod accessories are appearing for her to last much longer.

Life looks pretty bleak when you imagine Hello Kitty Hell in the future: A Hello Kitty iPod playing Hello Kitty music being recharged by a Hello Kitty recharger in a Hello Kitty car. ‘Nough said…

Sent by HKtechfan (via one’s & zero’s) who should have to listen to Hello Kitty music 24/7 for a week for even considering sending me this photo.