One mans hell with cute overload
It seems that the people at Sanrio have found that the reintroduction of the Hello Kitty vibrator shoulder massager has been so successful that they needed to add an attachment to their line of products and call it the Hello Kitty face massager:
The problem with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that there isn’t a season that is safe. The Hello Kitty bikini ensures that I have absolutely no desire for summer to arrive, but then things like Hello Kitty ear muffs (almost as bad as the Hello Kitty hat and mittens) get sent to me and it’s obvious that it’s high time for winter to be over:
In her never ending quest to unwittingly create the worst tattoos in the history of mankind (and to use absolutely any avenue possible to further her into the limelight on the backs of others), the evil feline decided that a Hello Kitty Michael Jordan tattoo would somehow be a good idea:
You knew it was simply a matter of time. With Hello Kitty retainers and Hello Kitty braces was there ever really any doubt? I even mentioned it when the Hello Kitty tooth came to my attention that it it was inevitable that at some point there would be a Hello Kitty grill:
It is already well established that Hello Kitty wants us to all eventually live in a Hello Kitty house, and she is (unfortunately) making sure that the house has absolutely every accessory that one could imagine — a Hello Kitty home bar, Hello Kitty wall displays and far too many Hello Kitty appliances to mention. Add to these the Hello Kitty chandelier:
One would think that Hello Kitty couldn’t get much scarier than she already is, but that would be vastly underestimating the complete incomprehensibility of Hello Kitty fanatics and the combinations that they somehow perceive to be positive. A perfect example is the Hello Kitty mime:
When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, you always have to be extra careful what you wish for. I was imagining how it would be absolutely wonderful when winter is over and the warm weather is once again upon us. Then this Hello Kitty bikini monstrosity landed in my email proving that exile to Antarctica would be far less painful than having to endure a summer of having to look at Hello Kitty bead bikinis:
When it comes to Hello Kitty fanatics, you can be pretty sure that their unfortunate obsession includes shoes. It doesn’t matter if they are Hello Kitty Reeboks, Hello Kitty Nikes, Hello Kitty Asics or the infamous Hello Kitty Converse (seriously folks, over 300 comments mostly from fanatics whining) — and that is not to mention the Hello Kitty heels or Hello Kitty bowling shoes. So it really shouldn’t be a surprise that someone out there, in their completely deluded logic, thought that a pair of Hello Kitty Toms would be a good idea:
I should know better. Hello Kitty fanatics waste absolutely no time spreading the torture of the upcoming holiday at hand. With the beginning of a new month, I should have known that it was going to be a mistake to open any email that had Hello Kitty and <3 in the title. Apparently Hello Kitty fanatics aren’t satisfied with hearts on Valentine’s Day and feel that it is necessary to include Hello Kitty chocolate in the mix as well:
It’s more than a bit ironic that despite Hello Kitty having no mouth, she has quite an oral branding fixation. This irony is all the worse because the Hello Kitty oral branding tends to be some of the worst. It’s difficult to keep one’s sanity when you see things like the Hello Kitty tooth, the Hello Kitty retainers, the Hello Kitty tongue stud and the Hello Kitty tongue and lip tattoos. One would assume that these disasters would bring Hello Kitty fanatics to their senses and that they would realize that Hello Kitty does not belong anywhere near their mouth, but that would be making the terrible assumption that Hello Kitty fanatics have common sense. Thus someone thought that Hello Kitty braces would be a good idea:
