Engagement Ring

If you have any inclination that your significant other would want a Hello Kitty engagement ring, that is the perfect warning sign that you should run away as fast as you possibly can. If you do not heed this sage advice to run and decide that a Hello Kitty engagement ring is somehow a good idea, you should be well aware that you will likely have to wear a Hello Kitty wedding ring and have a Hello Kitty wedding with her wearing Hello Kitty wedding dresses and you in a Hello Kitty tux (no, it certainly isn’t a pretty thought which has sent more than a few strong souls to the local insane asylum…) Basically, prepare for a life of Hello Kitty Hell.

hello kitty engagement ring

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Hello Kitty Kelly Clarkson Garter Belt

Hello Kitty on anything is a disaster in itself. Give that Hello Kitty item to a celebrity and that disaster only amplifies untold times. Kelly Clarkson x Hello Kitty is a perfect example. I’m not sure what I find more disturbing — the fact that a Hello Kitty garter belt exists or that Kelly Clarkson thinks that a Hello Kitty garter belt should be worn on her head:

hello kitty Kelly Clarkson garter belt

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Wedding Dress

Even worse than people asking me to be a Hello Kitty wedding planner is the thought that one day I will have to hear about the concrete plans for my own Hello Kitty wedding. I make every attempt not to write anything about Hello Kitty wedding related stuff because it inevitable leads to trouble. When my wife and I got married, her Hello Kitty fanaticism had yet to kick in, and not having a Hello Kitty wedding is something that she feels is missing from her life. Our Hello Kitty wedding would, of course, include a minimum of at least one Hello Kitty wedding dress (it’s common for the bride in Japan to change into three or four different dresses during the wedding ceremony):

Hello Kitty wedding gown

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Hello Kitty Tuxedo

It is amazing that week after week, when I somehow imagine that the worst of Hello Kitty has already found its way into our house and that things can not get worse (I know, I should know by now that it can always get worse, but all I have is hope…), it gets worse…much, much worse. There isn’t much that sends shivers down my spine these days, but this pretty much brings to the forefront the worst of my Hello Kitty Hell nightmares – a Hello Kitty tuxedo:

Hello Kitty tuxedo

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Hello Kitty Wedding Planner

Why, oh why, do people keep sending me emails like this?

dear sir, i need your help regarding information on a hello kitty wedding at first going to hello kitty world and getting married by hello kitty was kinda a joke between me and my finance, but as time has progressed we have decided that it would actually be something fun and special for both of us. I have been trying to find out how to get information from sanrio puroland about weddings but i haven’t found anything. Also, i was wondering how much just the wedding cost to have at the theme park (not including the reception, the wedding dress the tux, the rings ect), and if there are special scheduling that has to be done. can the wedding be in Japanese or is it in English? can you get married by a special character (like request it?, besides hello kitty…)we both love the monkey and the penguin ^^ and it would be awesome to get married by them. I’m sure there are so many questions that i haven’t thought to ask you so if you could just start with those, or give me advice about what i should do to find this information i would greatly appreciate it. thank you so much for your help and your time — ali e

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Hello Kitty Horse Drawn Carriage

This is the problem with Hello Kitty fanatics. When I make a post saying that Hello Kitty and romantic do not go together, that does not mean that I want you to suddenly start sending me photos of anything and everything that is Hello Kitty that my wife might even remotely consider romantic. For instance, a Hello Kitty horse drawn carriage:

Hello Kitty horse drawn carriage

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Hello Kitty Wedding Cake

What is it about Hello Kitty fanatics and weddings? There is something about the two together that bring out the worst in a Hello Kitty fanatic as can be plainly seen in any type of Hello Kitty wedding. This is one area that still brings fear to the forefront since we didn’t have a Hello Kitty wedding and my wife feels that she somehow missed something by not (thankfully, we got married long before the Hello Kitty fanaticism began) having one. But that yearning on my wife’s side to have a Hello Kitty anniversary wedding keeps popping up every time something like a Hello Kitty wedding cake ends up in my email box:

Hello Kitty wedding cake

There is nothing that says doom and terror more for a groom than having to cut and serve your guests something like that on your wedding day. I have no doubt upon seeing that cake that there is another man that has every right to be a guest writer on this blog and he deserves to have the pity of men worldwide for the torture he is suffering.

Of course, my wife thinks it’s “absolutely adorable” and I distinctly heard the words “we should get one like that when we have our anniversary we…” at which point I slammed the door on my hand and screamed in pain because I calculated it would be infinitely less painful to do that than hearing the rest of the sentence. Unfortunately, it was probably only a temporary solution to the problem so I have a feeling that my extremities are going to be quite black and blue this coming week which seems to be a minor price to pay considering the alternative when living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Mitzi who should only be able to eat that for the rest of her life for contemplating even for a second that it was a good idea to send me this photo…

Hello Kitty Marriage Certificate

It’s emails like these that ensure that the entire week is going to be hellish. I do my best never to bring up the subject of Hello Kitty weddings because my wife and I got married before her Hello Kitty obsession blossomed (yes, there are some miracles even in Hello Kitty Hell), and the fact that we didn’t have a Hello Kitty wedding doesn’t sit well. If any mention of weddings are made, the subject that we should retake our vows (this time decked out in Hello Kitty Hell wedding fashion) is the topic she wants to talk about for the next month. So you can imagine how disturbing it was to receive the knowledge that it’s possible to get a Hello Kitty marriage certificate:

Hello Kitty marriage certificate

It gets even work when you realize where the wedding took place and the outfits worn:

Hello Kitty wedding

And just to make my life completely miserable, a video of the entire event was included (view at your own risk – you have been warned…)

When it comes to looking into the depths of Hello Kitty Hell, the Hello Kitty wedding is right down there at the source of the flame. Of all the the painful moments I’ve endured in Hello Kitty Hell, I can still imagine that a Hello Kitty wedding would be more painful which is a very scary thought. Of course, my wife thinks it would be a wonderful idea if we renewed our vows in a Hello Kitty ceremony and will be reminding me of this fact for the foreseeable future ensuring that Hello Kitty Hell remains much too hot even in the middle of winter…

Sent in by Achim (via his site Hello Kitty Museum). While I should propose some unthinkable cruel curse upon him for even thinking that it would be a good idea to send me these photos, it frightens me to think that there might not be anything worse than what he has already gone through…

Hello Kitty Glass Slipper

As has been noted on numerous occasions, Hello Kitty has no problem venturing into any area in the pursuit of the all mighty dollar. Hey, if a good fairy tale is out there, Hello Kitty is sure to try and Kittify it. That’s the only explanation that I can find for this Hello Kitty glass slipper:

Hello Kitty glass slipper wedding ring pillow

I’m not sure why this particular product annoys me so much. Yes, it’s useless, but as has already been established, so are all items of the evil feline. I think it’s the combination of nauseating Hello Kitty “cutest thing ever” mentality combined with the unrealistic romantic fairy tale love that simply makes me want to vomit. Just thinking about this combination gives me the dry heaves.

And if that hasn’t made you feel more than a bit queasy, it’s time to go and find an empty bucket or take your laptop to the bathroom. Not only is it a glass slipper, it’s also a wedding ceremony ring pillow bringing that into the equation which should pretty much empty everyone’s stomach (except, of course, for Hello Kitty fanatics who will see this as one of the greatest items ever made). When my wife begins to describe items as “precious” rather than “cute,” that is when I know it’s going to be an extra special Hello Kitty Hellish day…