Hello Kitty Valentine

For those of you who may not be aware, Valentine’s Day is celebrated a bit differently in Japan than it is in the US. In Japan, men don’t buy anything on Valentine’s Day – it is only women that buy chocolate or candy for men (then men reciprocate on March 14th on what is called “White Day”) Now one would make the logical assumption that since it is men that will be receiving the chocolate on Valentine’s Day, there would be no need for Hello Kitty Valentine’s Day chocolate, but alas, we are once again referring to Hello kitty where logic has never ruled the day. Thus, there is plenty of Valentine Day chocolate:

Hello Kitty Valentine

You might be able to imagine what my Valentine Day looked like. As my wife passed me box after box of Valentine’s Day chocolate, I had to greatly stifle the cringes that reflexively crossed my face as the evil feline time and again appeared on the chocolate (let it be said that there are way too many Hello Kitty chocolate Valentines in this world and I think I received them all…) Of course, I’m not actually allowed to eat any of this chocolate because as my wife said, “It’s too cute to eat. We should enjoy looking at it.”

I now have a shelf full of Hello Kitty Valentine chocolate staring back at me as I write this post which I can’t eat and will have to stare at for the rest of the month (at which point it will probably be packed away, but I still won’t be able to eat it). I know that it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish rest of the month when I’m already hoping that my computer catches on fire and in the process melts all the Hello Kitty Valentines so I have a good excuse not to have to look at them anymore…

Photo sent in by Monica who deserves unthinkable torture for sending me this and forcing me to look at yet another Hello Kitty chocolate valentine on this most depressing day…

Hello Kitty Eggs

In my wife’s never ending quest to make as much of our food Hello Kittified as possible, she recently purchased moulds that turn hard boiled eggs into Hello Kitty’s face:

Hello Kitty eggs

Believe me, there is nothing more frightening that waking up in the morning, walking to the breakfast table still half asleep, sitting down only to have Hello Kitty face eggs staring back at you…

Photo sent in by hellosis who really should have to have all her food in the shape of Hello Kitty so she can suffer the same terror as I have to for reminding me of the nightmare I experienced only a few days previously…

Hello Kitty Air Guitar

It’s bad enough that there are a wide arrange of Hello Kitty electric guitars (not to mention Hello Kitty acoustic guitars), but it goes to a whole new level when Hello Kitty forces her way into an air guitar competition:

I really didn’t need to see this and I’m sure I’ll be having plenty of nightmares about it in the days to come, but that is typical when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by R who wrote, “I thought you would NOT enjoy this as much as I DIDN’T enjoy it, But misery loves company, so…” but still deserves to listen to all his music played on Hello Kitty guitars for making me share his misery…

Hello Kitty Zombie Art

As I mentioned previously, there are very rare occasions when I actually like something Hello Kitty that I come across. This series of Hello Kitty zombies fits that category as well:

Hello Kitty zombie art

Hello Kitty zombie art

Hello Kitty zombie worms

Hello Kitty zombie intestines

Hello Kitty zombie zits

It is always nice when an artist is able to capture the “true” Hello Kitty for the world to see. Having spent the last few years in hello Kitty Hell, I have no doubt that this is exactly what the evil feline’s real nature is…

Sent in by Kay (via Art School Dropout) who would normally deserve a beer for sending these to me, but also sent me a photo with her Hello Kitty tattoo which negated the goodness of the zombie art I had been enjoying…

Hello Kitty Sexy Nightmare

I know it’s going to be a really bad Hello Kitty Hell day when something like this arrives in my mailbox. Seriously, this is what my nightmares are made of:

Hello Kitty sexy

This is just so wrong on so many different levels that I don’t even have words to describe how much it scares me. The worst part being that Hello Kitty fanatics think that this is sexy and would be something that would turn men on. Damn, I’m not going to be able to sleep well for the rest of the month now with this image branded into my brain and I will fear walking in the door for even longer on the chance that this has given some type of inspiration to my wife. Once again, Hello Kitty Hell proves it can always get worse…

Sent in by devin who should have to date a woman just like this for the rest of his life (and even after death) for the trauma caused when I saw this and for thinking for even an instant that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Dog Blanket

There are few things worse than being the significant other of a Hello Kitty fanatic, but one possible exception may be being the pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic. This is especially true if you happen to be a canine. While it would seem that nothing could be more humiliating for a dog than to be forced to wear a Hello Kitty head or being tattooed with Hello Kitty, being dressed up in a Hello Kitty blanket certainly is up there in the running:

Hello Kitty dog blanket

Hello Kitty dog blanket

Obviously, most people look at this and think “wtf are you doing to that poor thing!?!” If, however, you show this to your significant other and instead get the reaction, “ahhhhhh, that is the cutest thing ever! That person must love their dog so much” then you must realize that you have nothing to look forward to in life but a constant barrage of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by greta (via Elevated who should have to wear that blanket around for the rest of her life for believing that these photos are “soooo cute” and that sending me these photos would be a good idea in any way, shape or form…

Hello Kitty WinAmp Skin

You know it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish week when something like this happens. I should know by now. Never, ever let a Hello Kitty fanatic borrow your computer. It will always result in something horrendous. After letting my wife use my computer over the last couple of days while hers was getting repaired, I went to listen to music this morning and this popped up on my computer – A Hello Kitty WinAmp skin

Hello Kitty WinAmp skin

Even worse, the Hello Kitty theme song had been downloaded onto my computer. Unfortunately, this is nothing unusual when living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Sunday Mail

I’ve started to get quite a bit of random email recently, so I’ve decided to start a new theme called “Sunday Mail” where I will be posting what I receive during the week for all your reading pleasure:

I love HK (but most of her stuff is ridiculous!!!) and I’m sorry what your wife is putting you through. You’re a strong man! Anyway, I work at a store called Altex where the registers are fully functioning computers. Everyday I come into work I check your website to see what’s new in HKH. It has now become a “tradition” of sorts for the guys I work with (I’m the only female amongst 10 men) to follow me to my register to “see what’s going on in Hell today.” And if they don’t catch me when I first walk in, they stand next to my register until I pull up your website for them so see. I know if they knew I was e-mailing you they’d scream, but we totally love your website!!! -the Altex Crew

Hmmmmm, this is quite disturbing and simply confirms that no matter how much people want to look away from a car wreck as they pass by, it’s impossible to do…

Hello mr. Hello kitty hell! I was just wondering…Do you own any hk items? Not your household items, but I mean YOU bought it.. xD Hello kitty computer mouse, hello kitty strawberrys or even a plushie.. I’m sure all of your readers & such would like to know! – Raine

Why in Hello Kitty Hell would I ever buy crap of the evil feline for myself? Have you even read any of the posts in this blog???

HI! I sent you an e-mail (twice) from my work e-mail đŸ˜› I usualy send you stuff from this one… anyway, I’m Absinth on your blog. If anything that we sent you are worthy of being mentioned my friend will be astonished… she believes that you will never pay attention to our e-mail… I know Paula is wrong! Wishing the best far away from the HK sleeping bag – Absinth

mentioned…be astonished

First off, I would like to state, that I do not care much for hello kitty, and I absolutely LOVE your blog, it’s hilarious. Anyways, I started to ponder something recently. You hate Hello Kitty, specifically the products of the feline, however, through your hate, haven’t you become an accessory to her fiendish world-take over? Because of Hello Kitty, there is now a comedy themed anti-hello kitty news site that regularly reports on the products of hello kitty “Hello Kitty Hell” So, in a way, you’re an accessory of Hello Kitty, and an object of your hate, and pain. – Jesse

Great, like I really needed another reason to kill myself….

Hi, long time reader of your blog, I too have been living in a Hello Kitty Hell, but my girlfriend has taken things a little too far. I should of known from the beginning that dating a Hello Kitty fanatic would be different, but not consuming every single part of my life. I too have been though all the clothing, the bracelets, rings, wallpaper and just about anything else that you could imagine. Also, saying anything about Hello Kitty is almost always grounds for some sort of punishment, ranging from the traditional kicked out bed for the night, to the i-am-not-talking-to-you-for-a-week. The other day I had gotten into a disagreement about putting Hello Kitty bedding down on our bed and for some strange reason, she didn’t get mad, only brushed me off and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. However today after I got home from work, I had found the sheer hearted revenge that could only come from a Hello Kitty fanatic. I went to use my new laptop that I often use for work and lo and behold there she was for all her glory, Hello Kitty, super glued onto my computer. I can only say this will be the last major argument we ever have….because now I have to figure out how to get Kitty off my machine…..I’m glad to see that more people are put to suffer at the ever changing hands of Hello Kitty than myself. Thought I might share. – Logan

Hello Kitty Dell computer

Welcome to the club – it only get worse…

hello i just read all the posts under the hello kitty tattoo tag, and i think mine should be on it as well đŸ˜› mine appeared on bmezine mod blog but people thought i was trying to slander hello kitty and IT’S NOT TRUE i am a 100% hello kitty lover and the vagina face and dickhead came from a traditional japanese book! i love vagina, penis and hello kitty. so put them together and there you go! they are on my inner arms. =D love your blog! – Cici

As hard as it may be to believe, there are some Hello Kitty photos that are even too disturbing for me to post here…

Hello Kitty Boxing Shorts

You would think that Hello Kitty would realize that there are some areas where she just doesn’t belong, but the evil feline and her throng of fanatics are oblivious to this fact. Thus, you have creations such as the Hello Kitty Thai boxing shorts:

Hello Kitty boxing shorts

I think that it suffices to simply say that there is something seriously wrong with the world when Hello Kitty is showing up on boxing shorts…

Sent in by Matthew (via muaythaiart) who should have to wear those for the rest of his life for thinking for even a second that making me aware of their existence would ever be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Ferris Wheel

I always know when I receive photos like these that it’s going to be another Hello Kitty Hellish day. It’s not like my wife doesn’t already have a hundred Hello Kitty reasons to want to visit Taiwan. Between the Hello Kitty plane and airport, the Hello Kitty hotel, the Hello Kitty pastry shop and Hello Kitty hospital, there are already far too many reasons to go there for my taste, but then Hello Kitty can never stop at anything. Thus, another attraction to add to my wife’s list is the Hello Kitty Ferris wheel:

Hello Kitty Ferris wheel

Hello Kitty Ferris wheel

Hello Kitty Ferris wheel

My wife somehow thinks that a ride in a Hello Kitty Ferris wheel would be romantic (but then for some reason, all Hello Kitty fanatics think anything Hello Kitty is romantic). The fact is, there is nothing that would be less romantic than having to ride in around and around inside the bowels of the evil while people all around scream in high pitched voices about how “cute” the entirely disgusting scene is. Unfortunately, this has been added to her Hello kitty travel list, so I will undoubtedly get to experience the torture first hand someday in the future which only increases the torment here in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Sherry who should have to live the rest of her life trapped in one of those Ferris wheel compartments for even thinking for a second that sending these photos to me would be a good idea….