Hello Kitty Balzac Japanese Horror Punk Rock Band

If you had any doubt that no place was safe from the claws of Hello Kitty, that doubt may now be put to rest. Hello Kitty has managed to wriggle her way into a lot of places she isn’t wanted, but I figured there were a few places that would never take to her – like, perhaps, horror punk rock bands. But alas, I have once again underestimated the power that the evil feline possesses:

Hello Kitty Balzac

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Hello Kitty Rocks!

It’s all right. Settle down and catch your breath. I know you read that headline and just about had a heart attack thinking that I had finally completely lost it. I’m sure you pictured me having been taken away in a Hello Kitty straight jacket to spend the rest of my life knocking my head against Hello Kitty themed padded walls (which is undoubtedly coming soon). No, in reality you once again failed to realize the utterly ridiculous levels Hello Kitty will go to sell her image. The headline is unfortunately literally accurate — The evil feline is now selling hand painted rocks that are done in her image:

Hello Kitty stones

Just when you believe that Sanrio can’t possible think of a more completely useless product than the Hello Kitty banana cover, they go and do this. Can Hello Kitty dirt be far behind? Or possibly a Hello Kitty slingshot to add to the ever growing arsenal of Hello Kitty weapons.

Of course, my wife absolutely loves these. Upon seeing them, the ever present “this is so cute” came with an overly elongated “soooooo” that is a unbreakable secret code that Hello Kitty fanatics use to determine exactly where in the overall scheme of Hello Kitty each product ranks.

You know how this came about. Someone at Sanrio said, “Hey, remember years ago when the pet rock was all the rage? Why don’t we make a Hello Kitty pet rock?” Now, at any other corporation in the world, that person would have been fired the next day, but in the world of Hello Kitty, that person has been promoted to a management position. Which simply means that more stuff like this will continue to flood the market for Hello Kitty fanatics and continue to move my Hello Kitty Hell to new depths…

Sent in by Adora who deserves to have to spend her life painting rocks in the image of Hello Kitty and then have them thrown at her for thinking that sending this to me could be a good idea in any way, shape or form.

Update: Apparently the evil feline didn’t feel that painted rocks were enough and found a way to put her likeness into a natural Hello Kitty stone:

hello kitty rock

Left by @chefpandita on Twitter

Hello Kitty Comic Strip

Yep, this sums Hello Kitty up pretty damn well…

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I know that they have Hello Kitty ash trays and Hello Kitty Zippo lighters, so Hello Kitty cigarettes really aren’t that much of a stretch – Sanrio probably already has them in the production pipeline and they will undoubtedly come with substances that produce further Hello Kitty addictive behavior. One more thing to dread that will only increase my Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Jon, who deserves a beer from me if we ever meet for showing Hello Kitty for who she is so well…

Hello Kitty Zombie Art

As I mentioned previously, there are very rare occasions when I actually like something Hello Kitty that I come across. This series of Hello Kitty zombies fits that category as well:

Hello Kitty zombie art

Hello Kitty zombie art

Hello Kitty zombie worms

Hello Kitty zombie intestines

Hello Kitty zombie zits

It is always nice when an artist is able to capture the “true” Hello Kitty for the world to see. Having spent the last few years in hello Kitty Hell, I have no doubt that this is exactly what the evil feline’s real nature is…

Sent in by Kay (via Art School Dropout) who would normally deserve a beer for sending these to me, but also sent me a photo with her Hello Kitty tattoo which negated the goodness of the zombie art I had been enjoying…

Hello Kitty Seed Art

It’s not often that I see something Hello Kitty that first appears so horrible that I’m actually relieved when I find out what it truly is. It does happen on occasion such as with the Hello Kitty cheese, but it’s a rarity. That rarity happened again when I received an email and thought I was initially looking at a Hello Kitty Zen rock garden:

Hello Kitty seed art

In fact, it’s something called crop art and is made with seeds and beans (which in itself brings about 2 very disturbing points: 1. There is now a Hello Kitty fanatic out there somewhere making plans to create a Hello Kitty Zen rock garden since I mentioned it and 2. Hello Kitty has found her way into something as obscure as the crop art world). Thus, even in relief of finding out it wasn’t something worse, the potential of the initial assumption is bound to become reality in the near future (remember that Hello Kitty cheese – the awful truth was fulfilled there too) which pretty much sums up another day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Nina (via Suzanne Mears Crop Art Gallery) who really should have to eat only seeds and beans for the rest of her life for even considering it was a good idea to send this to me…

Goodbye Kitty – Fan Art

If people insist on sending me Hello Kitty related emails, fan art is preferable over Hello Kitty items that are just bound to make my life more of a living (Hello Kitty) hell once my wife sees them. Here is the latest piece of fan art sent in:

Goodbye Kitty

It came with the following message:

Alright, I drew this to make your holidays a little better, and less Hello Kittyish. This was drawn using a Hello Kitty picture to make the ultimate anti-Hello Kitty weapon.

It even comes with a small story about how Sanrio attempted to make a living with Hello Kitty and accidentally made Goodbye Kitty, who thus began her quest to destroy all links between her, Hello Kitty, and Sanrio. Goodbye Kitty, fighting Hello Kitty since 2007

It would be nice to think that there was an anti-Hello Kitty roaming the earth trying to wipe out all things Hello Kitty but I, unfortunately, see no evidence of it. Still, I can keep dreaming, right…

Sent in by Alenderis, who now only needs to make his creation as popular as the evil feline for me to have his undying gratitude…