Wii Balance Board Bag and Yoga Pad

Now that My wife has her eyes firmly set on getting the Hello Kitty Wii dance pad, I know from Hello Kitty Hell experience that it isn’t going to stop there. That means in all likelihood, she will also be adding the Hello Kitty Wii balance board bag and yoga pad to her collection:

Hello Kitty Wii balance board bag

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Wii Dance Pad

Once again showing that she can’t keep her claws off of anything that is remotely popular, Hello Kitty seems to have set her sights on the Nintendo Wii gaming system. The people at Sanrio know that there is absolutely no way that any Hello Kitty fanatic will be able to resist the Hello Kitty Wii dance pad:

Hello Kitty Wii Dance Mat

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Hello Kitty Online Game Trailer

Yep, this pretty much typifies what I imagine Hell looks like (warning: you don’t want to watch it – spare yourself the trauma and move onto something else. You’ll save yourself from numerous nightmares in the nights to come).

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Hello Kitty Doom Mod

If there is one thing you can say about Hello Kitty, it’s that the evil feline doesn’t see anything as off limits when it comes to putting her face on it. One would assume that there are some places that she just wouldn’t want to venture, but that is obviously not the case as the Hello Kitty Doom flashlight mod so graphically illustrates:

Hello Kitty Doom flashlight mod

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Hello Kitty Online — MMORPG Beta

While I was earnestly hoping that this entire nightmare would simply go away, it appears that the readers here will not allow that since I have received over 40 emails to date letting me know that the Hello Kitty MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) has launched. While over 40 emails from readers in itself is extremely disturbing (most with far too much exuberance), even more disturbing was the fact that I received an official press release from Sanrio Digital about this (how completely warped is that? There is something seriously wrong in the world when Sanrio begins sending me press releases…)

Hello Kitty online

As should come as no surprise, the press release shows that the Hello Kitty sticks with her true colors by making money (“The Item Mall allows players to use real money to purchase special items and upgrades for characters”) and creating violence (“Hello Kitty Online has an extensive crafting system with output such as tools & weapons…it has a sophisticated combat system”) key aspects to the game. You actually thought they would stop with Hello Kitty guns and Hello Kitty armoured personnel carriers?

Of course, my wife thinks that this game will somehow endear me to the evil feline since she knows I enjoy online games. “Don’t you just want to play?! Doesn’t it sound like the most fun ever?!” (those are questions that quickly lead to the couch and the Hello Kitty sleeping bag)

I wonder if the game will let you immediately commit suicide because even before being forced to try it out, I already know that is the only thing I’m ever going to want to do while playing it. Once again, Sanrio proves that they can always make my Hello Kitty Hell worse…

Sent in by Sanrio Digital (warning: as is to be expected from all things Hello Kitty related, annoying music will blast from your computer speakers) where all people working deserve to lose their jobs for thinking for one second that 1. creating this game was a good idea and 2. sending me a press release about it so my wife could know about it was in any way, shape or form a smart thing to do…

Hello Kitty Psycho Test 3

In the third installment of the appropriately named Hello Kitty Psycho Test (refer to psycho tests one and psycho test two), Hello Kitty once again delves into my mind to spew out my inner thoughts by asking me which magical mushroom I think is poisonous (which certainly would pin down my psychological standing) while flipping me off sucking her finger in contemplation of my psychological make up. See for yourself: Hello Kitty “Fill In The Blanks” Psychological Test

Hello Kitty Psycho test

Here are my results (grammar comes directly from Hello Kitty):

Basically You Could Be Stressful Easily

Luckily you are a straightforward person always voice your concerns. Some of the stress would then be released. Watch your mouth since you possibly over-expressed which would cause others unhappy.

Then stress comes back to you again. For this type try aromatherapy will calm you down.

It seems that aromatherapy is the answer to all my ills. Why do I have a feeling that there is a Hello Kitty aroma therapy kit that will be just perfect for this waiting at the local store? And now that my wife knows that Hello Kitty has recommended aromatherapy to calm me, it’s just a matter of time before it shows up here and I take another step deeper into Hello Kitty Hell…

Send in by mandy who should have to live her life in strict adherence to the advice of these psycho tests for even the thought that it would be a good idea to send this to me to see…

Hello Kitty Counter-Strike

It seems that Hello Kitty is not satisfied with having her presence only in World of Warcraft. She also feels it’s necessary to be a part of other shooter games such as Counter-Strike:

Hello Kitty Counter Strike

Hello Kitty Counter-Strike

While my wife has no interest in computer games, she knows that I do so she makes the assumption that if Hello Kitty is somehow connected with computer games, it will help me enjoy Hello Kitty (fall under her evil spell). There is something just so wrong with going onto your computer to play a shooting game and finding a Pepto Bismol pink screen with Hello Kitty all over it. It’s seriously worse than all the blood and guts (at least a lot more nauseating…) and never a good omen In Hello Kitty Hell to find that there is one less place to escape the evil feline…

Sent in by PubliusCanis (via fps banana) who should have to play all his shooter games with Hello Kitty themes for even thinking for a split second that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Mahjong Set

Hello Kitty Hell is, as would be expected, hellish, but it takes on new dimensions when a Hello Kitty product is combined with something else that my wife is obsessed with. In this case, mahjong.

My wife loves mahjong and we play it on a weekly basis. It is actually one of the few times where I am able to escape Hello Kitty Hell (well, except for the Hello Kitty snacks that get served…) to a large degree. That little oasis is soon to be gone forever now that my wife has found the Hello Kitty mahjong set:

Hello Kitty mahjong set

Hello Kitty mahjong set winds

Hello Kitty majong set back

There is something plain wrong about playing mahjong with Hello Kitty tiles. It would be like playing poker with Hello Kitty cards (something that my wife thinks that should be done too) or drinking beer out of Hello Kitty mugs (there aren’t many things that can ruin a beer, but that is one of them). Another typical day of finding out that one of the few places that has resisted the evil feline and her Hello Kittification has fallen under her world domination…

Sent in by hh who should be forced to play mahjong with Hello Kitty tile pieces forever for thinking it was a good idea to let me wife know about this…

Update: Apparently I will be receiving 28 boxes of Hello Kitty crap according to the latest threat from a Hello Kitty fanatic for refusing to tell where people can buy this stuff:

Please, tell me where to find the mah jong set. In return, I promise to throw all non- electric HK products away. If you don’t tell me, I will mail them- ALL 28 BOXES- to you and your wife!!! — Jodi

As far as empty threats goes (have you ever known a Hello Kitty fanatic that would willingly give up their Hello Kitty crap?), this one was both pretty feeble and typical. What Hello Kitty fanatics fail to realize is that with the amount of Hello Kitty crap that my wife already has, 28 boxes wouldn’t even be noticed… 😉

Update 2: It only gets better when it comes to dealing with Hello Kitty fanatics and their supposed threats. This is what I found in my email box today:

Empty!??? Ok, what’s yer address?? U now have 28 boxes of HK crapola on the way….seriously, that maj set is on 10 or so sites and no one knows the name of it or where to buy it. I come from one of those Jewish, mah jong playing families and i’ve been dying to learn to play….

This actually brought a smile to my face. The outrage that required an exclamation point and three question marks punctuated by having to ask where to send the crap. Obviously, it makes it a lot harder to send 28 boxes of Hello Kitty crap and take the threat seriously when you have to ask for the address of where to send it. Just saying…

Then there is the whole insinuation that she can’t learn how to play mahjong without a Hello Kitty mahjong set, and this should somehow make me feel sorry for her in some way. Believe me, I would feel much more sympathy toward your mahjong playing relatives if you were able to ever get your hands on the Hello Kitty mahjong set.

Seriously, why would anyone think that I would ever willingly give out my address to someone saying they are going to send me and my wife 28 boxes of Hello Kitty crap? I’m sure that somehow makes sense in the mind of a Hello Kitty fanatic — which I guess pretty much explains why they are Hello Kitty fanatics in the first place.

Update 3: The fun never ends. The latest email:

Ok, So now because of YOU – I had to contact other web sites about this stupid mah jong set….. I have people named “Maria Kitty” and “Bitty Kitty” writing me to say hello – they haven’t even responded about the set!!! How did I get myself into this??

So in response to your rather smarmy response…. I am not a HK fanatic – kind of used to be until it became trendy! I just haven’t tossed it out yet because .. well, I’d hate to see it NOT go to someone who wants it like you guys!! I haven’t bought any HK stuff in… uh, years!! Oh, except for electric stuff. And hopefully, a maj set soon. But after that, I will never buy any more, I promise. Also, my pals mom has a really old set but it’s made of ivory and I would feel just terrible knowing an elephant sacrificed his life, only to have me shooting what used to be his tusks across a table…. So, that’s why I need to know where to get the HK one – I doubt they are real ivory tiles. I promise not to tell a soul that you told me where to get it. — J

Right, somehow this is all my fault. And I’m the bad guy because I actually responded, although not in the way she wanted me too (note to self: remember never to respond anymore to Hello Kitty fanatics). The logic of Hello Kitty fanatics never ceases to amaze me.

It is classic Hello Kitty fanatic whining. The denial — they swear they aren’t Hello Kitty fanatics (isn’t denial the first sign that you really are an addict?), but they will still somehow not be able to live without some small piece of Hello Kitty crap.

I won’t even go into why not wanting to play with ivory mahjong tiles does not equate having to have a Hello Kitty mahjong set (if you can’t figure that out yourself, there really isn’t much hope in trying to explain it to you) and then she falls back onto the desperate plea that I eventually hear from all fanatics — the promise that they won’t tell anyone that I told them if I tell them. I’m not really sure why they believe this promise is supposed to convince me to tell them, but apparently it is a common assumption among Hello Kitty fanatics.

I’m almost tempted to tell her my address just so the hilarity can continue…

Hello Kitty WoW Halloween

If you thought the Hello Kitty World of Warcraft user interface was as bad as it could get, Hello Kitty once again proves that it’s always possible to get worse. Thus we find that Hello Kitty is now providing holiday themed Hello Kitty Wow user interfaces:

Hello Kitty wow Halloween

This is what makes Hello Kitty so annoying. Not only does she Kittify everything in her path, once she has Kittified it so you think it can never get worse, she’s really only just begun — and that when the different themes start arriving. Is there really any doubt that we will be seeing a Hello Kitty World of Warcraft Christmas theme in the future? Makes you want to run to the bathroom just thinking about it, doesn’t it?

Sent in by grace via Joi’s Flickr Photos, who should have to play all her games with a Hello Kitty theme for the rest of her life for extending my Halloween horror another day and thinking it could be a good idea in any way for me to see this…

Hello Kitty World of Warcraft

In the never ending quest to be everywhere, Hello Kitty invades places that she should never be. How else can you explain the Hello Kitty World of Warcraft personalised interface:

Hello Kitty wow

For those unfamiliar, World of Warcraft (WoW) is an online game where people going around killing anything and everything. Obviously, there are players that believe that adopting a Hello Kitty theme will give them the added advantage they need to spread destruction and misery throughout the world. Hmmmm, on second thought, maybe it isn’t such a bad fit for Hello Kitty after all…

Sent in by Kate who should have to not only use this theme when she plays the game, but also listen to the Hello Kitty theme song the entire time for thinking that showing this to me could ever be a good idea.