One mans hell with cute overload
You knew it was simply a matter of time. With Hello Kitty retainers and Hello Kitty braces was there ever really any doubt? I even mentioned it when the Hello Kitty tooth came to my attention that it it was inevitable that at some point there would be a Hello Kitty grill:
It is already well established that Hello Kitty wants us to all eventually live in a Hello Kitty house, and she is (unfortunately) making sure that the house has absolutely every accessory that one could imagine — a Hello Kitty home bar, Hello Kitty wall displays and far too many Hello Kitty appliances to mention. Add to these the Hello Kitty chandelier:
One would think that Hello Kitty couldn’t get much scarier than she already is, but that would be vastly underestimating the complete incomprehensibility of Hello Kitty fanatics and the combinations that they somehow perceive to be positive. A perfect example is the Hello Kitty mime:
It’s more than a bit ironic that despite Hello Kitty having no mouth, she has quite an oral branding fixation. This irony is all the worse because the Hello Kitty oral branding tends to be some of the worst. It’s difficult to keep one’s sanity when you see things like the Hello Kitty tooth, the Hello Kitty retainers, the Hello Kitty tongue stud and the Hello Kitty tongue and lip tattoos. One would assume that these disasters would bring Hello Kitty fanatics to their senses and that they would realize that Hello Kitty does not belong anywhere near their mouth, but that would be making the terrible assumption that Hello Kitty fanatics have common sense. Thus someone thought that Hello Kitty braces would be a good idea:
It sucks to be a Star Trek fan if there is a Hello Kitty fanatic in the vicinity. If you have to ask why, then obviously you haven’t seen the abominations such as the Hello Kitty Klingon, the Hello Kitty Captain Kirk and the Hello Kitty Spock. And we all know that Hello Kitty fanatics can’t resist terrible Hello Kitty tattoo combinations, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that some delusional fan thought that getting a Hello Kitty Spock tattoo would actually be a good idea:
What is it about Hello Kitty and eyes? Hello Kitty contact lenses are one of the most disturbing (and that is saying a lot considering the amount of disturbing this blog produces) items I have come across, so artwork depicting the evil feline as eyes just makes Hello Kitty creepier than she already is (which again, is saying a lot considering how creepy she is without doing a thing).
Hello Kitty has already started producing Hello Kitty mind altering chemicals (Yes, she also makes this and this which is what probably first came to mind when I mentioned mind altering chemicals), so it makes perfect sense that they would want to profit from this by selling Hello Kitty gas masks as well:
Add cows to the growing list of animals that despise the evil feline. Apparently, Hello Kitty didn’t feel that creating Hello Kitty hamburgers was enough and decided that she also needed to brand Hello Kitty frozen beef patties as well:
Since anyone living in Hello Kitty Hell knows never to underestimate the lengths that a Hello Kitty fantatic will go to create Hello Kitty tattoo combinations that will almost certainly haunt them (and us) for the rest of their lives, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that some of these fanatics will take the horror they create a step further. While it’s obvious to anyone with even an ounce of sanity that the Hello Kitty Hannibal Lecter tattoo should have been the end (or rather, never even contemplated) of this evil feline mashup, we are talking about a Hello Kitty fanatic here. Thus, the obviousl next step was to create a Hello Kitty Hannibal Lecter plush:
Because there is absolutely nothing that the evil feline believes can’t be Hello Kittified, you have things like the Hello Kitty uterus plush, the Hello Kitty bondage room, the Hello Kitty retainer and Hello Kitty motor oil (it’s quite sad that I could go on and on with this list). Suffice to say, Hello Kitty once again shows us that she is willing to make anything in her image to make a buck — including the Hello Kitty fetus:
