Eight minutes of pure Hello Kitty Hell (view at your own risk of permanent brain damage)…
Year: 2008
Hello Kitty Mop Slippers
It’s never good to offer to help around the house when you live with a Hello Kitty fanatic. Even a simple “is there anything I can do to help clean?” will inevitably result in the evil feline forcing herself upon you. Case and point: Hello Kitty mop slippers:
Hello Kitty Lunch Bags
It’s bad enough that my wife ends up making me Hello Kitty bentos for my lunch when I go out, but now when they aren’t wrapped in Hello Kitty handkerchiefs, I have to carry them in Hello Kitty lunch bags.
Hello Kitty Afro Samurai Tattoo
I don’t know which is more disturbing — that Hello Kitty tattoos actually exist or that they continue to mix and match the evil feline with other themes that make you simply say, “WTF?” That is about all that can be said for the Hello Kitty Afro Samurai Tattoo:
Hello Kitty Is Loved By Drug Lords
Why does this seem so appropriate to me?
Hello Kitty, the Japanese cartoon figure popular with teenagers around the world, was used by a notorious Colombian drug lord to hide messages to his minions, according to a report Monday.
Juan Carlos Ramirez Abadia, who is being held in Brazil after his arrest in August, hid voice and text messages digitally encoded into e-mailed images of the innocent feline, Brazilian police told the Folha de Sao Paulo newspaper.
Investigators say the disguised missives, hundreds of which were found on Abadia’s computer, could put the narcotics kingpin up to his neck in Kitty litter as some of them allegedly detail cocaine shipments between countries…
Abadia apparently picked Hello Kitty as his courier because his wife was a big fan of the Japanese icon — she had even decorated one of her rooms in a Brazilian house with Hello Kitty-themed chairs, watches and wallpaper.
Using Hello Kitty to help run a worldwide drug trafficking operation puts into perspective the real Hello Kitty and makes perfect sense. In fact, I would not be surprised if Sanrio sanctioned this because they felt that drug trafficking was becoming more popular than Hello Kitty and wanted in on the action (as they seem to do with anything else that has even the slightest bit of popularity).
The only bad part of this whole incident is that last paragraph highlighted in bold — I think he has a good insanity defense that will probably get him off…
full article
Hello Kitty Rocks!
It’s all right. Settle down and catch your breath. I know you read that headline and just about had a heart attack thinking that I had finally completely lost it. I’m sure you pictured me having been taken away in a Hello Kitty straight jacket to spend the rest of my life knocking my head against Hello Kitty themed padded walls (which is undoubtedly coming soon). No, in reality you once again failed to realize the utterly ridiculous levels Hello Kitty will go to sell her image. The headline is unfortunately literally accurate — The evil feline is now selling hand painted rocks that are done in her image:
Just when you believe that Sanrio can’t possible think of a more completely useless product than the Hello Kitty banana cover, they go and do this. Can Hello Kitty dirt be far behind? Or possibly a Hello Kitty slingshot to add to the ever growing arsenal of Hello Kitty weapons.
Of course, my wife absolutely loves these. Upon seeing them, the ever present “this is so cute” came with an overly elongated “soooooo” that is a unbreakable secret code that Hello Kitty fanatics use to determine exactly where in the overall scheme of Hello Kitty each product ranks.
You know how this came about. Someone at Sanrio said, “Hey, remember years ago when the pet rock was all the rage? Why don’t we make a Hello Kitty pet rock?” Now, at any other corporation in the world, that person would have been fired the next day, but in the world of Hello Kitty, that person has been promoted to a management position. Which simply means that more stuff like this will continue to flood the market for Hello Kitty fanatics and continue to move my Hello Kitty Hell to new depths…
Sent in by Adora who deserves to have to spend her life painting rocks in the image of Hello Kitty and then have them thrown at her for thinking that sending this to me could be a good idea in any way, shape or form.
Update: Apparently the evil feline didn’t feel that painted rocks were enough and found a way to put her likeness into a natural Hello Kitty stone:
Left by @chefpandita on Twitter
Hello Kitty Fashion Show Video
There is not much in this world that I would consider a worse form of torture and torment than having to sit through something like this Hello Kitty fashion show:
While my wife would view attending something like this close to heaven, I think I would need to carry around the sack full of the Hello Kitty barf bags just to make it through the first few minutes. It’s painful enough having to watch it on a video, let alone imagining what it would be like attending live. Of course, my wife is already frantically searching to see if there are other Hello Kitty fashion shows planned for the future — which means that my life could soon dive much, much deeper into Hello Kitty Hell…
Sent in by kttops who really deserves an extra special horrifying punishment for 1) making me sit through that video 2) upon seeing it, convincing my wife that not seeing a Hello Kitty fashion show will mean her life has somehow lost all its meaning 3) Thinking for even a fraction of a second that it would be a good idea to send me something like this…
Hello Kitty Comic Strip
Yep, this sums Hello Kitty up pretty damn well…
I know that they have Hello Kitty ash trays and Hello Kitty Zippo lighters, so Hello Kitty cigarettes really aren’t that much of a stretch – Sanrio probably already has them in the production pipeline and they will undoubtedly come with substances that produce further Hello Kitty addictive behavior. One more thing to dread that will only increase my Hello Kitty Hell…
Sent in by Jon, who deserves a beer from me if we ever meet for showing Hello Kitty for who she is so well…
Hello Kitty Dracula Vampire Tattoo
Although I find it quite disturbing that Hello Kitty tattoos exist at all, the sheer number of Hello Kitty tattoos that are out there (and even more frighteningly, get sent to me) takes disturbing to a whole other level. The latest in this line of disturbing body art is the Hello Kitty Dracula tattoo:
I don’t understand what the fascination is with combining Hello Kitty with something else as a tattoo (then of course, I don’t understand combining Hello Kitty with anything, or merely Hello Kitty in herself, so I guess that makes it all a moot point anyway…) All I can say is that this tattoo is somewhat appropriate with the mix since Hello Kitty’s main goal is to suck the lifeblood of all those who happen to live with a Hello Kitty fanatic…
Of course, my wife loves it and has added it to her growing collection of tattoos that she wants (it’s now simply a matter of time before I come home to find her first tattoo which will undoubtedly lead to her entire body covered in tattoos of the evil feline). That is something that is not being looked forward to in Hello Kitty Hell at all…
Sent in by jasmine who deserves to have a Hello Kitty Dracula suck all the blood from her body for even thinking for a split second that sending this to me could ever be a good idea…
Update: When it rains, it pours…Brian (of Hello Kitty Jesus tattoo and Hello Kitty Darth Vader tattoo fame) has also recently done a Hello Kitty vampire tattoo:
Hello Kitty Volkswagen Bug (for sale)
It seems that the Hello Kitty VW bug that I mentioned earlier is currently up for auction on eBay:
Of course, upon seeing this my wife wanted us to buy immediately buy it. While the mere fact that Hello Kitty Hell exists pretty much is proof that no God exists, some higher being was looking down upon me in that the Hello Kitty bug is located in Australia so that she can’t get it. I’ll take anything I can get when living in Hello Kitty Hell…
Sent in by Katherine who deserves unthinkable punishment for scaring me to death in thinking that we might have such a car in our driveway for the few minutes it took me to realize it wasn’t in Japan or the US…