2008 – Page 17 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Dog Blanket

February 5, 2008 by onezero

There are few things worse than being the significant other of a Hello Kitty fanatic, but one possible exception may be being the pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic. This is especially true if you happen to be a canine. While it would seem that nothing could be more humiliating for a dog than to be forced to wear a Hello Kitty head or being tattooed with Hello Kitty, being dressed up in a Hello Kitty blanket certainly is up there in the running:

Obviously, most people look at this and think “wtf are you doing to that poor thing!?!” If, however, you show this to your significant other and instead get the reaction, “ahhhhhh, that is the cutest thing ever! That person must love their dog so much” then you must realize that you have nothing to look forward to in life but a constant barrage of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by greta (via Elevated who should have to wear that blanket around for the rest of her life for believing that these photos are “soooo cute” and that sending me these photos would be a good idea in any way, shape or form…

Hello Kitty WinAmp Skin

February 4, 2008 by onezero

You know it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish week when something like this happens. I should know by now. Never, ever let a Hello Kitty fanatic borrow your computer. It will always result in something horrendous. After letting my wife use my computer over the last couple of days while hers was getting repaired, I went to listen to music this morning and this popped up on my computer – A Hello Kitty WinAmp skin

Even worse, the Hello Kitty theme song had been downloaded onto my computer. Unfortunately, this is nothing unusual when living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Sunday Mail

February 3, 2008 by onezero

I’ve started to get quite a bit of random email recently, so I’ve decided to start a new theme called “Sunday Mail” where I will be posting what I receive during the week for all your reading pleasure:

I love HK (but most of her stuff is ridiculous!!!) and I’m sorry what your wife is putting you through. You’re a strong man! Anyway, I work at a store called Altex where the registers are fully functioning computers. Everyday I come into work I check your website to see what’s new in HKH. It has now become a “tradition” of sorts for the guys I work with (I’m the only female amongst 10 men) to follow me to my register to “see what’s going on in Hell today.” And if they don’t catch me when I first walk in, they stand next to my register until I pull up your website for them so see. I know if they knew I was e-mailing you they’d scream, but we totally love your website!!! -the Altex Crew

Hmmmmm, this is quite disturbing and simply confirms that no matter how much people want to look away from a car wreck as they pass by, it’s impossible to do…

Hello mr. Hello kitty hell! I was just wondering…Do you own any hk items? Not your household items, but I mean YOU bought it.. xD Hello kitty computer mouse, hello kitty strawberrys or even a plushie.. I’m sure all of your readers & such would like to know! – Raine

Why in Hello Kitty Hell would I ever buy crap of the evil feline for myself? Have you even read any of the posts in this blog???

HI! I sent you an e-mail (twice) from my work e-mail 😛 I usualy send you stuff from this one… anyway, I’m Absinth on your blog. If anything that we sent you are worthy of being mentioned my friend will be astonished… she believes that you will never pay attention to our e-mail… I know Paula is wrong! Wishing the best far away from the HK sleeping bag – Absinth

mentioned…be astonished

First off, I would like to state, that I do not care much for hello kitty, and I absolutely LOVE your blog, it’s hilarious. Anyways, I started to ponder something recently. You hate Hello Kitty, specifically the products of the feline, however, through your hate, haven’t you become an accessory to her fiendish world-take over? Because of Hello Kitty, there is now a comedy themed anti-hello kitty news site that regularly reports on the products of hello kitty “Hello Kitty Hell” So, in a way, you’re an accessory of Hello Kitty, and an object of your hate, and pain. – Jesse

Great, like I really needed another reason to kill myself….

Hi, long time reader of your blog, I too have been living in a Hello Kitty Hell, but my girlfriend has taken things a little too far. I should of known from the beginning that dating a Hello Kitty fanatic would be different, but not consuming every single part of my life. I too have been though all the clothing, the bracelets, rings, wallpaper and just about anything else that you could imagine. Also, saying anything about Hello Kitty is almost always grounds for some sort of punishment, ranging from the traditional kicked out bed for the night, to the i-am-not-talking-to-you-for-a-week. The other day I had gotten into a disagreement about putting Hello Kitty bedding down on our bed and for some strange reason, she didn’t get mad, only brushed me off and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. However today after I got home from work, I had found the sheer hearted revenge that could only come from a Hello Kitty fanatic. I went to use my new laptop that I often use for work and lo and behold there she was for all her glory, Hello Kitty, super glued onto my computer. I can only say this will be the last major argument we ever have….because now I have to figure out how to get Kitty off my machine…..I’m glad to see that more people are put to suffer at the ever changing hands of Hello Kitty than myself. Thought I might share. – Logan

Welcome to the club – it only get worse…

hello i just read all the posts under the hello kitty tattoo tag, and i think mine should be on it as well 😛 mine appeared on bmezine mod blog but people thought i was trying to slander hello kitty and IT’S NOT TRUE i am a 100% hello kitty lover and the vagina face and dickhead came from a traditional japanese book! i love vagina, penis and hello kitty. so put them together and there you go! they are on my inner arms. =D love your blog! – Cici

As hard as it may be to believe, there are some Hello Kitty photos that are even too disturbing for me to post here…

Hello Kitty Boxing Shorts

February 2, 2008 by onezero

You would think that Hello Kitty would realize that there are some areas where she just doesn’t belong, but the evil feline and her throng of fanatics are oblivious to this fact. Thus, you have creations such as the Hello Kitty Thai boxing shorts:

I think that it suffices to simply say that there is something seriously wrong with the world when Hello Kitty is showing up on boxing shorts…

Sent in by Matthew (via muaythaiart) who should have to wear those for the rest of his life for thinking for even a second that making me aware of their existence would ever be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Ferris Wheel

February 1, 2008 by onezero

I always know when I receive photos like these that it’s going to be another Hello Kitty Hellish day. It’s not like my wife doesn’t already have a hundred Hello Kitty reasons to want to visit Taiwan. Between the Hello Kitty plane and airport, the Hello Kitty hotel, the Hello Kitty pastry shop and Hello Kitty hospital, there are already far too many reasons to go there for my taste, but then Hello Kitty can never stop at anything. Thus, another attraction to add to my wife’s list is the Hello Kitty Ferris wheel:

My wife somehow thinks that a ride in a Hello Kitty Ferris wheel would be romantic (but then for some reason, all Hello Kitty fanatics think anything Hello Kitty is romantic). The fact is, there is nothing that would be less romantic than having to ride in around and around inside the bowels of the evil while people all around scream in high pitched voices about how “cute” the entirely disgusting scene is. Unfortunately, this has been added to her Hello kitty travel list, so I will undoubtedly get to experience the torture first hand someday in the future which only increases the torment here in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Sherry who should have to live the rest of her life trapped in one of those Ferris wheel compartments for even thinking for a second that sending these photos to me would be a good idea….

Hello Kitty Gas Mask Toxic Shock Tattoo

January 30, 2008 by onezero

I think it is time to begin to worry for the world and the human race when Hello Kitty tattoos continue to fill up my email box. The latest being a Hello Kitty toxic shock tattoo with Hello Kitty in a gas mask:

While obviously any Hello Kitty tattoo is disturbing in itself, the irony of Hello Kitty being the most toxic character in the world can’t go unnoticed (although it would have been more appropriate if Hello Kitty was in the form of gas and being sucked into the gas mask instead of wearing it). It would not surprise me if Sanrio has invented some type of toxic gas that they spread across the world that when breathed in increases Hello Kitty fanatics’ fanaticism. Of course, even if this ever came out, Sanrio would still use it to their advantage by making Hello Kitty gas masks for everyone to wear…which would pretty much on par with the way things in Hello Kitty Hell develop…

Sent in by Lynn who really should be forced to wear a Hello Kitty gas mask for eternity for thinking that sending me this photo of her teammate’s tattoo from her “Toxic Shock” roller derby team was a good idea in any way, shape or form…

Hello Kitty Pizza

January 28, 2008 by onezero

I made a comment in one of my previous posts that Hello Kitty is on everything except pizza and beer and that in time, she will probably be on those too. Well, it seems that one of those can be crossed off the list with the introduction of Hello Kitty pizza:

There aren’t many things in life that can stop me from eating pizza, but this is one of them. There is something seriously wrong in the world when pizza is being made in the shape of the evil feline’s head with a slab of mystery meat as her bow.

Of course, this plays right into my wife’s ultimate goal of serving only Hello Kitty food and she is already searching the local stores to see if we can get some to try. Yet one more reason to note that things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Andrea who really should have to eat only Hello Kitty food for the rest of her life for thinking that it could in any way be a good idea to bring this to my wife’s attention.

Update: Even after all this, people think that attempts at Hello Kitty pizza is a good idea:

Sent in by Gloria

Sent in by joe (via capitu)

Sent in my renaldo

Sent in by sally

Sent in by Amy

Hello Kitty Sweets Pastry Shop

January 25, 2008 by onezero

When emails like this show up in my mailbox, I know it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish day. Anything Hello Kitty is bad enough, but when you combine Hello Kitty with something else my wife likes (such as pastries or sweets), then things get a bit out of control. So it was no surprise that my wife is doubly determined to make it to Taiwan (via Hello Kitty airline and through Hello Kitty airport) to get dessert at a pastry shop dedicated to Hello Kitty:

There really should be a law dictating that Hello Kitty themed shops should not be allowed to exist. These are the worst for those who live with a Hello Kitty fanatic because it’s a “destination place” and there is never anything good that can come about when you are taking a trip with the sole purpose of going to a Hello Kitty themed shop.

Having been dragged to themed shops like this more than my fair share of times, you quickly learn the types of people that are there. Obviously, the place is overrun with Hello Kitty fanatics which can often be worse than the themed store itself. Then there are the partners of the fanatics that fall into one of two categories. Most are the young men that think that by taking the Hello Kitty fanatic to the Hello Kitty themed shop, they are going to get some that evening not knowing the hellish path they have chosen to take. The others are like me who fervently try to warn the younger men to bail out asap or get ready for a life of Hello Kitty Hell.

It is in places like this where lives of Hello Kitty Hell begin…

Sent in by ed (via daisy’s blog) who really should have to eat all his meals at Hello Kitty themed shops for even thinking for a second that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Humiliation – Photo of Horror 3

January 23, 2008 by onezero

It’s my nightmare come true. No other words needed…

Left in the comments by Suzanne who says “My boyfriend dressed up in Hello Kitty stuff, but its only because the messageboard he visits had a thread called humiliating photos of yourself you wouldn’t want people to see so we took some photos” (it’s seems that he succeeded quite well and probably more than he ever anticipated since his girlfriend is leaving them on blogs like mine – someone is going to have a hard time leaving the house for awhile). Of course, this fails to address the reason why all the Hello Kitty crap was available in the first place…

Hello Kitty XM8 Rifle

January 22, 2008 by onezero

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

Hello Kitty has obviously decided that there is money to be made as a military arms supplier with all the Hello Kitty firepower (Hello Kitty hand guns – Hello Kitty AR 15 – Hello Kitty assault rifle – Hello Kitty AK-47) that she has been assembling lately. The latest edition to this firepower onslaught is the Hello Kitty XM8 Rifle:

The evil feline not only wants to create everything in her image, she’s also intent on arming the entire world in her style (hey, where there is a buck to be made….) which pretty much where anyone living in Hello Kitty Hell thought she would be headed. It won’t be long before you see those “The Few, The Proud, The Marines” commercials with a “sponsored by Hello Kitty” in the corner.

With this latest entry, I even had to create a new category of Hello Kitty Guns – how damn scary is that? And just another indication of how Hello Kitty Hell continues to expand…

Sent in by Brittany who should suffer some intolerable torture for even considering for a split second that sending me this photo would be a good idea…