One mans hell with cute overload
It’s a given when you live in Hello Kitty Hell that something worse than what you have already seen will come along. You know it’s going to happen and you just prepare yourself for that that day coming down the road. What is not anticipated is that the horror will show up so quickly in your email box. In response to the Hello Kitty camper, you knew that there would be a Hello Kitty tent out there:
The weather is getting nicer and when you’re in Hello Kitty Hell, the number one priority is to get out of the house and as far away from the Hello Kitty mess inside as possible. That, of course, was my thinking when asking my wife to go camping, but it seems that the evil feline can’t even leave the great outdoors in peace with the existence of the Hello Kitty camper:
When it comes to Hello Kitty food, one would logically conclude that it really couldn’t get much worse than Hello Kitty instant ramen, but of course this assumption would be coming from someone that doesn’t really know the evil feline. Not satisfied with only the freeze dry ramen noodle market, Hello Kitty has branched off in an attempt to corner the canned ramen noodle market as well:
You knew that it would eventually have to happen. Having already Hello Kittified virtually every real gadget out there, the evil feline has decided that it’s necessary to take the next logical step in her plot to take over the world — invent random gadgets that make no sense at all, but which she knows thousands of loyal Hello Kitty fans will buy because it has been Hello Kitty branded. There is no other explanation that can be rendered for the Hello Kitty skin analyser:
You really have to feel sorry for dogs that end up in Hello Kitty fanatic homes. Whether they are putting you in Hello Kitty dog clothes, placing a Hello Kitty muzzle over your nose, putting you in a Hello Kitty doghouse, placing a Hello Kitty head over your own or forcing you to get a Hello Kitty tattoo, life pretty much sucks all the way around. Of course, a Hello Kitty fanatic won’t stop there. When you’re old and you can no longer walk on your own, your owner will promptly embarrass you to no end by getting you a Hello Kitty dysplasia orthopedic brace:
While it’s never good when Hello Kitty shows up on TV, it is double troubling when she shows up in a political debate on TV. When your political leaders feel it’s necessary to use Hello Kitty to make any point, you know it’s pretty much time to give up on the world ever being a hospitable place for any normal living being to dwell:
Sometimes I get emails that simply confirm that the next generation is doomed to live their own hello Kitty Hell. A perfect example of this is Hello Kitty pregnant belly art:
While I would much rather not have anything Hello Kitty end up in my email, that is an impossibility when you live in Hello Kitty Hell. Part of the daily torture is waking up each day to see Hello Kitty in all her evilness sent in by too many people with far too much extra time on their hands.
That being said, not all Hello Kitty emails are equal. If I had to choose the Hello Kitty crap sent to me (and let’s face it, if Hello Kitty is on it, is should be considered crap), I would much prefer emails such as the Hello Kitty suicide art series:
It’s bad enough when stuff gets Hello Kittified, but it takes on a whole new level of Hello Kitty scariness when the evil feline decides to try to add sexiness into the equation as well. There is no other way to explain the concept of this Hello Kitty mineral water:
Hello Kitty Hell just got a whole lot worse…There was a time when I said that the only two things that that had yet to be Hello Kittified were pizza and beer. Of course, the Hello Kitty pizza showed up in my mailbox pretty quickly after that, but the Hello Kitty beer had remained more elusive until now:
