Sanrio – Page 6 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Marriage Certificate

January 1, 2008 by onezero

It’s emails like these that ensure that the entire week is going to be hellish. I do my best never to bring up the subject of Hello Kitty weddings because my wife and I got married before her Hello Kitty obsession blossomed (yes, there are some miracles even in Hello Kitty Hell), and the fact that we didn’t have a Hello Kitty wedding doesn’t sit well. If any mention of weddings are made, the subject that we should retake our vows (this time decked out in Hello Kitty Hell wedding fashion) is the topic she wants to talk about for the next month. So you can imagine how disturbing it was to receive the knowledge that it’s possible to get a Hello Kitty marriage certificate:

It gets even work when you realize where the wedding took place and the outfits worn:

And just to make my life completely miserable, a video of the entire event was included (view at your own risk – you have been warned…)

When it comes to looking into the depths of Hello Kitty Hell, the Hello Kitty wedding is right down there at the source of the flame. Of all the the painful moments I’ve endured in Hello Kitty Hell, I can still imagine that a Hello Kitty wedding would be more painful which is a very scary thought. Of course, my wife thinks it would be a wonderful idea if we renewed our vows in a Hello Kitty ceremony and will be reminding me of this fact for the foreseeable future ensuring that Hello Kitty Hell remains much too hot even in the middle of winter…

Sent in by Achim (via his site Hello Kitty Museum). While I should propose some unthinkable cruel curse upon him for even thinking that it would be a good idea to send me these photos, it frightens me to think that there might not be anything worse than what he has already gone through…

Contacts

December 26, 2007 by onezero

While everything Hello Kitty freaks me out, there are definitely some Hello Kitty items that freak me out more than others. It’s stuff like this that is definitely on the high end of freaking me out list – Hello Kitty contacts:

While it is fairly obvious that Sanrio has figured out a way to possess Hello Kitty fanatics, these contacts give that possession much too much reality. Seriously, this is something right out of a horror movie. Of course, my wife thinks they are “the cutest thing ever” and wants a pair.

I already have an image of me happily dreaming away about life free of the evil feline when my wife comes to wake me up, I sleepily open my eyes and I instantly have the &*&%$#@@ hell scared out of me — and this happened each and every morning for the rest of my life. And that is just the first moment of the day which would pretty much guarantee that Hello Kitty Hell moves to yet another unthinkable level…

Sent in by Ali who really should be punished in unthinkable ways for even considering for a split second that sending me this photo would be a good idea.

Update: The frightfulness continues:

Sent in by sarah

Sent ion by denise

Now they are advertising contacts for men:

Sent in by Alex

Goodbye Kitty – Fan Art

December 22, 2007 by onezero

If people insist on sending me Hello Kitty related emails, fan art is preferable over Hello Kitty items that are just bound to make my life more of a living (Hello Kitty) hell once my wife sees them. Here is the latest piece of fan art sent in:

It came with the following message:

Alright, I drew this to make your holidays a little better, and less Hello Kittyish. This was drawn using a Hello Kitty picture to make the ultimate anti-Hello Kitty weapon.

It even comes with a small story about how Sanrio attempted to make a living with Hello Kitty and accidentally made Goodbye Kitty, who thus began her quest to destroy all links between her, Hello Kitty, and Sanrio. Goodbye Kitty, fighting Hello Kitty since 2007

It would be nice to think that there was an anti-Hello Kitty roaming the earth trying to wipe out all things Hello Kitty but I, unfortunately, see no evidence of it. Still, I can keep dreaming, right…

Sent in by Alenderis, who now only needs to make his creation as popular as the evil feline for me to have his undying gratitude…

Hello Kitty Christmas Tree II

December 20, 2007 by onezero

I should have known that it was going to get worse (this is, after all, Hello Kitty Hell where things always get worse no matter how bad they may seem). Thus we move from the Hello Kitty pink Christmas tree to the Hello Kitty Plush Christmas tree:

Of course, my wife loves both and is talking about combining the two together (Pepto Bismol pink with lots of Hello Kitty plush and Hello Kitty ornaments — and people wonder why the holidays is the time when people kill themselves…) which would take the entire Hello Kitty Christmas tree to even new Hello Kitty Hell depths…

Sent in by cutesy (via likerogermoore) who should have to live with a tree like that for the entire year (and definitely get a new user name) for even thinking for a second it was a good idea to send that photo to me…

Hello Kitty Deodorant

December 19, 2007 by onezero

The fact that Sanrio makes a Hello Kitty douche pretty much assured that a Hello Kitty deodorant existed and now, of course, my wife is looking for it.

There are a couple of classic signs that it is Hello Kitty. It’s marked “limited edition” at the top – who else besides Sanrio would come up with the idea of limited edition deodorant? You know that limited edition deodorant would never fly with any other brand in the world and you also know that the Hello Kitty fanatics are drooling all over themselves wanting it. Then there is the description that the spray is “air petals” – which is so classic Hello Kitty sweetness that it makes my stomach churn, a chill go up my spine and makes me want to vomit.

Of course, my wife sees it from a completely different point of view: “Wouldn’t it be wonderful that you could smell Hello Kitty everyday?” Between having to eat Hello Kitty food, see Hello Kitty everywhere I go, listen to the Hello Kitty theme song on crappy speakers and touch Hello Kitty at times when one should never have to touch her, we might as well make it all five senses and make me suffer with the Smell of Hello Kitty on a daily basis as well. Would you expect anything less in Hello Kitty Hell…?

Sent in by Marcus who should have to wear this Hello Kitty deodorant himself for even considering it would be a good idea to send this to me…

Hello Kitty Lantern Festival

December 17, 2007 by onezero

You know it’s going to be another Hello Kitty Hellish day when an email with photos like this arrives – the Hello Kitty lantern festival:

The second my wife saw these photos, she wanted to go. My mentioning that since the photos were posted online, it probably meant that the festival was already over (hoping beyond hope that this would somehow end the subject) didn’t dissuade her in the least bit (nothing dissuades a Hello Kitty fanatic once the Hello Kitty virus has entered their brain).

The unfortunate state of reality is that Hello Kitty is succeeding in taking over the world and it probably won’t be impossible to find another Hello Kitty lantern festival (just realizing this already has me more than a bit queasy). So I get to look forward to searching for Hello Kitty lantern festivals as part of my winter holiday. That certainly seems to perfectly sum up Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by kittysweet (via vkeong.com) who should suffer unspeakable torture for not only for thinking sending this to me was a good idea in any way, shape or form, but also for having a username that should definitely not be visiting this blog making it all the worse.

Hello Kitty Airport

December 13, 2007 by onezero

If you are a non Hello Kitty fanatic, you probably can’t conceive of anything worse than flying on a Hello Kitty airplane for the holidays, but when it comes to the Hell that Hello Kitty places all Hello Kitty fanatic partners into, a Hello Kitty airplane would never suffice. If you’re going to go to the trouble of building a Hello Kitty airplane, you might as well also build a Hello Kitty airport:

While my wife thinks that this is the greatest idea in the world and now wants to travel on the Hello Kitty airplane even more, this is the type of thing that places the last straw on the camel’s back before breaking it. It would not surprise me in the least bit if they have to provide numerous Hello Kitty barf bags to all the Hello Kitty fanatic partners who are forced to suffer through this.

While I don’t normally support terrorist actions, if a group decided to take over this airport and bomb the building, I think they would be doing a service to mankind and receive the support of millions of people for whatever cause they may have. Since this is unlikely to happen, and since at some point I’m going to be forced to endure this torture, if you happen to see some guy continually barfing into a Hello Kitty barf bag in a corner attempting to shield himself of all the horror surrounding him, feel free to give your sympathy (while bringing some extra barf bags) to someone living in Hello Kitty Hell — it just might be me…

Sent in by Kitty Baby, who should have to live in that airport for the rest of her life for even thinking for a moment it would be a good idea to send me these photos…

Hello Kitty Snack

December 3, 2007 by onezero

I miss forks. Living in Japan where we use chopsticks all the time and stabbing food with them is considered extremely rude, you aren’t able to pull something like this off and be able to claim to the Hello Kitty fanatic next to you that you had no intention of inflicting any harm to the evil feline in any way:

Sent in by Pilar (via Richy!) who deserves a beer if we ever meet for letting me imagine that I will be able to do something like this to take out my frustration and get away with it if I’m ever forced to fly on the Hello Kitty airline…

Hello Kitty Zombie Tattoo II

November 28, 2007 by onezero

Every time I get a new Hello Kitty tattoo sent to me, I naively think that the number of people who would ever consider doing something like that has been exhausted and no others will show up in my email box. Especially when I get one that is like the Hello Kitty zombie tattoo, I figure that there would not be any need for an alternative Hello Kitty zombie tattoo (isn’t a single Hello Kitty zombie tattoo enough?) Obviously, this is the hopeful delusions of someone stuck in Hello Kitty Hell because we all know that Hello Kitty is never satisfied with something until she has made a million versions. So it really shouldn’t have surprised me that a new Hello kitty zombie tattoo showed up in my email:

I would have pretty much determined that all these Hello Kitty tattoos are the sign of the Apocalypse being right around the corner except for the fact that we all know that Sanrio would be making Apocalypse Hello Kitty items in celebration of the event if it were that close at hand. You know it won’t be long before someone comes forward with a full body Hello Kitty tattoo and my ultimate fear is that it’s going to be my wife. It just shows that the evil feline can continue to drive my Hello Kitty Hell into deeper depths no matter how low she has ventured in the past.

Sent in by Andi who should have to get this tattoo (and all the others) for ever thinking it was a good idea to send this to me…

Hello Kitty Tattoo Heart

November 15, 2007 by onezero

It’s been awhile since the last Hello Kitty tattoo has shown up in my mailbox, so it really shouldn’t be a surprise that this Hello Kitty holding a heart tattoo came recently:

What is disturbing is that this tattoo is done on a guy which once again has my wife convinced that I need a Hello Kitty tattoo. More disturbing is that there have been enough Hello Kitty tattoos sent to me that are on guys that this incredibly disturbing trend doesn’t even shock me anymore. Worst is that since it’s a guy, he probably has no idea that he didn’t put Hello Kitty on his arm, but Hello Kitty’s twin sister Mimmy (and I find it the most disturbing that information like this has stealthily slipped into my brain due to living in Hello Kitty Hell for so long that I actually notice a mistake like this). The stars, apple, shoes and cupcake all around pretty much puts it into the top 10 Hello Kitty Hellish tattoo list and I can now look forward to a Hello Kitty Hell day of listening to how wonderful Hello Kitty tattoos are and that we should both be getting them…

Sent in by Liz who noted “My boyfriend has hello kitty tattoos; it’s why I noticed him….” which pretty much means they are meant for each other and I’m not sure there is any bigger punishment in the world than that…