One mans hell with cute overload
When Stephen Colbert endorsed Barack Obama on The Colbert Report, he made the distinction that there is a difference between endorsing and supporting :
There are plenty of things out there that you can endorse, but not do anything to support. For instance, in Japan, I endorse a very popular energy drink called Pow Yong Power Jogging now juice. But I would never drink it. It makes you poop Hello Kitties.
You can see it at 4:55
Sometimes I get up, open my email and realize that it would just be better to crawl back into the Hello Kitty futon and sleep for the entire week. This is the problem with Hello Kitty fanatics. They do things like get a tattoo of Hello Kitty on their ass and then send me a photo of it completely ruining my eating for the rest of the week since I can’t keep any food down. But that is not enough. They just can’t seem to leave something so horribly wrong alone. Instead, they feel the need to double the horror by taking what is already a sign that all is not right in the world and moving it to an entirely new level. Even worse, they feel compelled to send me a photo of it:
In celebration of Hello Kitty’s 34th birthday (kind of sad I have this information in my brain – by the way, aren’t cats supposed to die after 15 years or so?) I figured I should show what the evil feline means to me…
For some reason people feel it’s important to send photos of their Hello Kitty Halloween themed crap which pretty much makes Halloween one of the holidays I least look forward to and a Hello Kitty Hellish nightmare. The only bright spot is that there is no Halloween in Japan so I escape the indignity of having to dress up in some Hello Kitty themed costume with my wife (one reason I dread ever moving back to the US). Some of those photos that for some inexplicable reason I didn’t delete against my better judgement:
If there is anything worse that me living in Hello Kitty Hell, it might possibly be a dog living in Hello Kitty Hell. Whether it’s their fanatic owners giving them a Hello Kitty tattoo. Making them wear a Hello Kitty head / Hello Kitty dog blanket and Hello Kitty clothes / Hello Kitty jewelry, they pretty much are guaranteed to be the laughing stock of all the other dogs in the neighborhood (boy, do I know how that feels). Of course, things can still get worse for dogs as well like having to wear a Hello Kitty dog muzzle:
I am always afraid when I get an email that indicates that there is a Hello Kitty tattoo inside. There have just been far too many Hello Kitty tattoo that pretty much confirm that things are not right in the world. That is exactly the feeling that overwhelmed me when I took a look at this:
I get all kinds of strange emails asking me all kinds of things (mostly things that I already specifically tell people not to ask me, but what else would be expected from a Hello Kitty fanatic?) I also get a disproportional amount of emails from people asking me to place photos on my blog to make Hello Kitty fanatics happy. In the strange Hello Kitty fanatic world it seems to be a good thing to be placed on this blog which basically means I will ignore the email in most cases. For example, I would in most cases simply ignore the following request:
Hello I am writing to you about a great woman 27 years old mother of two children, she is fan of Hello Kitty and even has two Hello Kitty tattoos that are unique, so we wanted to make a surprise for her birthday which is October 22. If you could publish the tattoos it will make her so happy even if after you delete the post.
It is part of living in Hello Kitty Hell that Hello Kitty fanatics seem to think that I have a desire to make them happy. Believe me, I don’t and I have no feelings of remorse when I place most of them in the trash. That is exactly what I was going to do when I accidentally hit the link in the email and was faced with this horrendous sight:
It seems that Hello Kitty fanatics aren’t satisfied with Hello Kitty merely being a cultural ambassador and want her to be more. So is it really a surprise that there would be a movement to get Hello Kitty elected as president?
Even though it’s completely obvious to any sane person that Hello Kitty and tattoos don’t mix, they keep arriving in my email box. I’m not sure what the fascination is with Star Wars and Hello Kitty tattoo combinations, but seeing as that there have already been a Hello Kitty Darth Vader tattoo and a Hello Kitty storm trooper tattoo, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that someone would feel the need to get a Hello Kitty Boba Fett tattoo:
