One mans hell with cute overload
Most people, when they hear the concept of men fashion combined with Hello Kitty, have to try hard not to fall into a fit of hysterical laughter at the pure absurdity of it all. That doesn’t dissuade the evil feline and her cohorts at Sanrio from trying to convince the world that Hello Kitty and men belong together. Take this photo for example:
You have the Hello Kitty face mask, the Hello Kitty Mexican wrestling mask and even the Hello Kitty welding helmet mask to scare the Hello Kitty Hell out of you, but the evil feline doesn’t like to stop when she is on a roll. That is the only conceivable reason that the people at Sanrio would think that the Hello Kitty eye mask could be a good idea:
If you just read the title of this post, you probably had your heart skip a beat. While it’s not quite that bad and is safe for work, it’s still definitely Hello Kitty Hellish. Not that Hello Kitty really needs anything to go with the Hello Kitty guts, but since the Japanese like to brand their snacks with names that probably wouldn’t sell well in the US, you have things like Hello Kitty Collon:
Yep, this pretty much typifies what I imagine Hell looks like (warning: you don’t want to watch it – spare yourself the trauma and move onto something else. You’ll save yourself from numerous nightmares in the nights to come).
While there are many things that trouble me in Hello Kitty Hell, whenever it has to do with my wife’s Hello Kitty cell phone I have no other choice but cringe. That’s exactly what I did when she discovered the Hello Kitty disposable solar cell phone charger:
Well, I guess I can always dream:
I think it would have been more appropriate if she had been hunted down with a Hello Kitty shotgun, but then again, who am I to nitpick…
Sent in by Aein (via commercial archive) who deserves a beer on me if we should ever meet for bringing a smile to my face, but next time needs to invite me along for the hunt…
I found this in my email box today – an original Hello Kitty fanatic song by Anna Joy. The song pretty much sums up what it’s like living with a Hello Kitty fanatic…
You can listen to the song at The Ugly Trannies Myspace Page (click the “Hello Kitty” on the player – warning: words NSFW)
You will probably have to read the lyrics to be able to understand it all, so here they are:
I can’t stop buying all that Hello Kitty s***
I cannot close my closet door, my drawers just overflow with it
And I will not take it back
I need it more than crack
If I can’t have that pillowcase then I will have a heart attackI can’t stop buying all that Hello Kitty crap
I go to the Sanrio store and I know full well it’s a trap
‘Cuz it’s just so f****** cute
It’s just so f****** cute
I think that I have pooped my pants
I thought that it was just a tootPosters coasters toasters rugs and mugs and keychains
(I want it all!)
Curtains tampons purses shirts and toys and storm drains
(I want it all!)
Panties bras and guitars, socks and shoes and t-shirts
(I want it all!)
Sanrio will make sure every last dollar hurts
(I want it all!)I can’t stop buying all that Hello Kitty junk
It put it all in my backseat because I cannot close my trunk
‘Cuz it’s never enough
No it’s never enough
I’ll tattoo it on my labia
I have to have all of this stuffRazors tazers lasers lite-brites dildos statues
(I want it all!)
Guns and ammo, crack and smokes and s***** tattoos
(I want it all!)
Posters coasters toasters rugs and mugs and keychains
(I want it all!)
Curtains tampons purses shirts and toys and storm drains
(I want it all!)I couldn’t quit me all that Hello Kitty crap
So when I sleep outside the kitty store, I sleep in Hello Kitty wrap
‘Cuz I blew all my loot
My landlord gave me the boot
…but don’t you think this garbage can is hella f****** cute??Posters coasters toasters rugs and mugs and keychains
(I want it all!)
Curtains tampons purses shirts and toys and storm drains
(I want it all!)
Panties bras and guitars, socks and shoes and t-shirts
(I want it all!)
Sanrio will make sure every last dollar hurts
(I want it all!)
It’s never good to start a new week with a Hello Kitty fanatic song, but at least it’s not the original Hello Kitty theme song…(warning, listen at your own risk – I’m telling you right now that you don’t want to click on it…)
I told you…
When I go to wash my hands, the last thing that I want to see is Hello Kitty. It looks like I will no longer have a choice in the matter with the introduction of Hello Kitty antibacterial soap:
I have a very simple question. Is it at all possible to classify Hello Kitty as bacteria and use this soap on her? I mean, we already know that Hello Kitty is trying to kill us…
Public enemy number one of this blog:
She gave an interview to Time Magazine. From the evil creator herself (as if there was ever any doubt of their plans):
What will Hello Kitty be doing in 10 years?
In 10 years’ time, everybody around the world will know her. Also, the number of male and female fans will be the same. Men who are still reluctant to be seen with Kitty in public today might be wearing Hello Kitty boxers. But they will eventually stop being shy and will show off Kitty proudly.
One more warning sign that all is not right in the world…
Basically the worst of my Hello Kitty Hell nightmares – the full on Hello Kitty wedding:
If anyone sees me in a situation like this, take out the Hello Kitty shotgun and put me out of my misery.
Sent in by a disturbing number of people — far more than should ever want to watch a Hello Kitty video, let alone a Hello Kitty wedding video.