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Hello Kitty Pizza Minis

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There was one point that the only thing I hadn’t seen was Hello Kitty pizza and Hello Kitty beer (which, of course, I have since seen). One would assume that this would pretty much indicate that the world was coming to an end and there would be no need to go any further, but that would be greatly underestimating the evil feline and her desire to not only co-opt everything possible, but also every variation of everything. Thus someone inexplicably thought it would be a good idea to create Hello Kitty mini pizzas:

hello kitty pizza minis

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Hello Kitty Puppy

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Of all living things on earth that may have a comparable Hello Kitty Hell to my own, the closest may be the dogs of Hello Kitty owners. When your owner thinks it’s a good idea to give you a Hello Kitty ID tattoo or simply dress you up like this (or this or this or this — it is quite sad that I could keep going on and on), being a dog owned by a Hello Kitty fanatic can’t be an easy life.

Knowing this, it becomes plainly obvious when a creature did something beyond evil in their past life, and now the karma has come back to haunt them in their new form. There is no other explanation when you see a photo like this:

Hello Kitty puppy

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Hello Kitty Scrubs

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I ended up in the hospital emergency room last week (luckily I didn’t end up in a Hello Kitty hospital or a Hello Kitty examination room). Now, most people would view a trip to the emergency room as a negative experience, but when you live in Hello Kitty Hell, things tend to get a bit warped. All of a sudden I found myself someplace that was (seemingly) void of the Hello Kitty, so as I sat in the emergency waiting room, I was actually beginning to think that regular visits to the emergency room might not be such a bad idea.

The delusion that I would not meet the evil feline even in the emergency room was soon shattered. While I managed to avoid the Hello Kitty blood pressure gauge, I wasn’t so lucky when it came to what the nurse that did the initial screening wore when checking me into the emergency room – Hello Kitty scrubs:

hello kitty scrubs

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Hello Kitty Kelly Clarkson Garter Belt

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Hello Kitty on anything is a disaster in itself. Give that Hello Kitty item to a celebrity and that disaster only amplifies untold times. Kelly Clarkson x Hello Kitty is a perfect example. I’m not sure what I find more disturbing — the fact that a Hello Kitty garter belt exists or that Kelly Clarkson thinks that a Hello Kitty garter belt should be worn on her head:

hello kitty Kelly Clarkson garter belt

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Hello Kitty Growth Chart

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I’m beginning to think that creative editing (much along the lines of Hello Kitty coloring pages) might be the way to help lessen the agony of living in Hello Kitty Hell. If a Hello Kitty fanatic decides to gift you a Hello Kitty growth chart, what is the best way to proceed after the stomach churning realization that you may have to stare at the nauseating image for the foreseeable future? How about turning it into a Hello Kitty skeleton growth chart?

hello kitty growth chart

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Hello Kitty The Darker Side

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You’re excited for Halloween because you have decided to go out as Darth Vader. You can’t wait for your friends to see your awesome costume. Then mom says that you have to take your little sister with you. You can’t believe your rotten luck. Having your little sister tagging along is going to ruin everything. You think that it is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. That is until you see your little sister’s costume:

hello kitty Darth Vader pink

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Hello Kitty Honda Fit

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One would think that with all the Hello Kitty cars that already exist in the world (Hello Kitty Ferrari, Hello Kitty Pick-Up Truck and Hello Kitty VW Bug to name just a few — and I know you really don’t want me to go on which, unfortunately, I could…), that the evil feline would finally decide that there would not be a need for any more. Of course, you would be wrong. Apparently Honda has jumped in bed with Hello Kitty to create the Hello Kitty Honda Fit:

hello kitty Honda fit

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Hello Kitty Buddha

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There are two truths about Hello Kitty: She’ll piggy back on anything that she thinks will sell her brand and go anywhere to do it. It is because of this truth that it is no surprise (although still stomach churning) that the evil feline has found her way to Burning Man in the form of Buddha (never say that Hello Kitty discriminates against religions). I guess Burning Man is now off my lists of events to attend…

hello kitty Buddha

Sent in By Patrick